Richard Brooks.
Hospital Experience May 2012.
On Monday 1st May I started having indigestion type discomfort in my chest. I was lucky that I had some Rene in my drawer at work.
It was a repeat of the same feelings on the Tuesday and feeling very tired.
Wednesday was a repeat of the same, Gaviscon were the order of the day.
I don’t know how I got through Thursday but I had to collect a Fridge/Freezer in the evening after work but still my chest was tight.
Friday 5th May was the day everything kicked off. In the shower getting ready for work and I was now struggling to breath.
I rang my wife who had already left the house to come home and get me to the Doctors.
We got to the Doctors and I really did not feel well, however we sat there for at least 10 minuets until the doctor called me in.
He reassured me that I was going to be alright but felt we should do a Cardiac Test. So I was wired up and the next thing the doctor came in to the room and said he wanted me to get to Hospital straight away. The next thing I knew I was in the back of the Ambulance heading for the Heart Institute in Bristol.
The Ambulance crew were fantastic, they had obviously given me a sedative to calm me down as I was chatting quite happily to them about my job and family etc…
Even the words “ you have had a Heart Attack Richard” did not really phase me as I was suddenly surrounded by a lot of Doctors and Nurses who all were introducing themselves.
The sedative was working well.
Following events that day were a bit of a blur. I remember the Anaesthetist giving me a shot of something and a very bright light was above my middle body area. They put a Stent in by going up through the groin.
I do remember a very clear vision of a skeleton lighting up in my head as it felt like they had hit a nerve. I jumped out of my skin and one of the Doctors shouted at me
“your not making things very easy for us Richard, we are trying to save your life here”
I remember saying sorry!
At some point on the Friday I was told the Heart had been damaged as it had blown a hole as it would seem the original Heart Attack had gone unnoticed the previous weekend.
(Hence the discomfort all week at work!)
I was told that I needed that I had to have an operation. I can remember signing to accept that I had been told the operation being planned only had a 54% chance of success!
Not brilliant odds but at the time I really did not have much choice.
The last thing I remember before my operation was a phone call from my wife, who was a bit upset by then. I reassured her that it would be alright and I would see her soon.
Being carted away on a trolley again was the last thing I remember ……
Open Heart surgery involving a Sternotomy and Tracheostomy followed by an induced coma for 10 days.
My Hallucinations.
Like all experiences in life you really have had to have been in a coma to understand what it was like. I have recently read other peoples experiences and it seems to have a mixture of the known and the unknown, the understandable and the totally wacky but at the time everything is real and happening especially the thoughts that people are out to do you harm, in fact that does seem quite common. Even after a year the Hallucinations are very vivid and I can recall them exactly as it was yesterday so here go’s!
I can only describe it like being buried alive, totally dark, no movement ,no noise, nothing! What I do not know is was I Hallucinating during my coma or after it when I was bought out of it?? That I will never know.
Suddenly, as though I had started breathing again, I could here voices and see light.
I am being pushed through a courtyard garden (not sure if I am in a bed or wheelchair) through some old fashioned metal doors through what seems to be a Garden Centre in to another room.
At this point I am aware of a face (going to call her M)
I am sitting there when I heard a Steam Train whistle, lots of doors opening and closing and people shouting loudly the other side of the window. The Train chuffed away…..
Back to complete quietness…..
Richard, Richard love, how are you ?? You look so much better than yesterday! Do you remember you had a tube in?
(This was as it turns out is what my wife Debbie said on her visit)
M is standing next to me, she has a Beige uniform on and keeps putting the mask back on my face, she wants me dead…..she is trying to kill me…Debbie help me please get me out of here!
Silence again…
I am in bigger more modern room, brighter lights…. I can see a doorway with what looks like two doctors talking about patients in the room.
There is a young nurse looking person sitting next to me who keeps trying to give me a lethal injection, I am at this time desperately trying to pull this mask from my face so I can ask for water as my mouth is so dry.
She grabs my arm and pushes the mask firmly back on my face.
As I tried again my mask came off which set an alarm going. This in turn lead to one of the male doctors who I had seen come running in. I could see he was not happy with me and then instructed the girl to give me another injection.
I could hear her on the phone, she was talking to a friend telling her how she had now sold all of her target for this drug she was trying to give me but I was proving a troublesome and feisty person who would not do as he asked and kept trying to take his mask off. I heard her say she was going to call “Bigbird” for some help.
Silence….
I am wired up, tubes and things connected somewhere and “M” is pushing my mask back on to my face as I still try to remove it. We are sitting on an Airfield in the middle of Australia. I can hear Australian accents. It seems that I am being transported somewhere.
Richard….How are you today mate?? My ex brother in law come to see me.
Dave I plead, help me….very quiet as I am very faint I need water and “M” wont give me any! I need water!
Silence…..
We are on a big floating oil rig type structure at night in the Indonesian Sea, not far from Australia.
Debbie is there with me, “ M” is there, and a biggish looking woman whose son and daughter are watching them mix something up to give to me. I still have the mask on and am pleading with Debbie to give me some water. She can not hear me! I turn to the boy.
He also pushes my mask back on.
The phone on the wall rings “ She will be here in 10 minutes” the women tells Debbie.
It turns out we are expecting Big Bird.
She arrives, looks at me and gets on her mobile. It seems she has totally control over all Black Market drugs all over the world. She has real power and seems to be just about to inject something in to me. I struggle…..Debbie help me……
Silence……..
Again all wired up, I am in a very dirty looking Hospital ward somewhere in India.
“M” still wont take my mask off or give me any water.
There are lots of Indian looking Doctors and Nurses dressed in Brown/Beige uniforms.
There are fans pushing the smell around and it is very hot.
A little old women appears dressed in Black, she beckons me towards her.
I get close, really close and suddenly she pushes me away…”No you are a good person”
She was a representative from the underworld who decided I was too young to be taken!
Silence……..
“Richard, Richard….you must keep your mask on Richard”
There was this little Black boy. He looked about 15 and was doing what his mother had instructed.
The mask was now sealed against my face with a small snake. I could feel it wriggling around. I tried even more to remove it. His mother was Black, she was a witch doctor who said they were going to make me better
Silence….
I am in an open top Bentley convertible going slowly down a helter-skelter, slowly, slowly down to the bottom. Suddenly total darkness.
Silence…
I hear voices, the darkness remains, I hear Indian Voices. A man is trying to pull me in to the door of a car. I am struggling against him. He and someone else had nearly succeeded as I was so weak, when suddenly the little old lady in Black appeared “ NO” she tells them.” He is a good man, not him”
I am released.
Silence……
“Richard, Richard….. Do know you have been seriously ill Richard?”
“Do you know where you are?”
A nurse type person in a white coat is asking me questions. We are looking over a very steep walnut type wall looking out of a window across a Golf club. I am so thirsty I ask if I can have a Gin and Tonic?
“M” is getting very annoyed with me and is fighting with me to keep my mask on and “No” I was not having any drink!
Silence……..
We are on a boat somewhere, quiet a modern boat. We are below decks and I can hear the humming of the engines. This tall blonde German sounding Nurse is insisting I am made to keep my mask on. I am so thirsty….
Silence………
I am on a Fishing boat. Debbie is there taking to another woman.
It turns out she is the Captain and owner of the boat. They seem to be getting on well as we move out from the Harbour. We arrive back a few hours later full to the brim with Fish. Hungry from the trip we all go and have fish and chips.
After a few days Debbie tells me she is now in a relationship with this other woman and they are going to live and work together. For some reason I am allowed to stay in the house in the spare room until I am better.
Silence…….
Debbie and seem to be on an open barge on a canal in the dark with a rolling mist
We hear very clear calling between boats other than ours from another canal.
As we float past a pub by the waterside we hear singing from an open door….
Silence…….
I can see Brown/Beige uniforms all reaching out for me, touching me and pulling me.
I am being suspended in a Spiders web. I can not free myself, pleading for water I am desperately trying to be heard, please…. I need water!
The people in Brown uniforms lower my position as an Indian Doctor wants to give me an Injection. No, no, please give me some water…
They tell me I have a visitor and because of this I am lowered down from the spiders web and pushed passed a big brown curtain in to a seating area.
Debbie has come to see me, she is talking to a nurse in a Brown uniform.
I plead with her to get me some water, she still can not hear me through this mask.
Luckily she came closer and managed to hear the word water, I was given a small sponge soaked in water. This made my lips and mouth so much better! Debbie said that I was going to go to another part of the hospital…..
Silence………
I was aware of a particular Doctor in a white coat who kept coming to see me. Most of the time he was snapping open some high energy drinks. He was addicted to them.
I could see that Debbie was here a lot and was told she worked here now. Listening later I could hear the rotary blades of a Helicopter starting up right outside the hospital.
Debbie had bought a flying car and was going home, why had she not come in to see me?
I was told that this Doctor and Debbie were plotting to kill me.
Somehow I managed to get out and follow him. He lived with his Mum and Dad in a Pub.
His mum cooked all the food.
It was about 11.30 pm and Debbie landed in the car outside. Bad news she said and quickly turned the radio on. It was Ray Winston’s south London’s voice booming over the radio. He was under the impression that his pub had been done over by our pub and was “coming to get you”
The Doctor was now walking around with a 12bore shotgun in readiness for when Ray turned up.
Silence……….
I was in a room on my own, I could still hear Indian voices from Doctors and nurses.
Two Indian Doctors came in to the room and suddenly they are watching a monitor.
I could clearly see that they were taking part remotely in an operation being done elsewhere. I could hear swashing of water and hear voices the other end saying that they were now struggling to do it. Everything on the screen stopped still. They had failed. The screen was turned off and everyone in the room was hugging each other saying they had done their best.
Silence……..
“Richard, Richard….” (the voice always seemed to be a soft Indian sounding voice.
“Do you know where you are Richard? “You are in Hospital Richard, you have been unwell”
I am in London I replied! How can I get my car across the river? Don’t pay the ferryman!
I was positive that I was in London as there were a lot of Indian faces around me.
(I was actually in Bristol)
Silence….
We are on a mini bus for disabled people. I was on it as I was now classed as disabled.
We went to a Garden centre and were left on the bus whilst the two staff members went and spent some free tokens they had won. I was asked to drive back still with my mask on.. On the way back we stopped at an old train station. It was adjacent to a Motor racing track and was told I could drive the mini bus around the track if I wanted to.
I was too tired. Everyone off the mini bus except me had gone up the road to a pub. There were a couple off nasty hard looking types on that mini bus.
A steam train pulled in to the station. A couple came in to the waiting room, it was an Indian Doctor and an Indian nurse who worked at the hospital. They were a couple, and they suggested that I went with them on the train.
A few miles down the line they owned and lived in a former Railway station. The daughter was instructed to clean out the engine boiler, which she did from her bedroom!
The engine kept the whole house warm at night. I had an upset stomached and made a mess of my self. The Indian Doctor helped me clean up. Some how we arrived back at the Hospital on the train, right up to outside the ward window.
It was late in the evening and the couple seemed to be in charge of the ward, although I could hear them talking about cars. He bought and sold cars to make some money in order to pay off the mortgage on the Railway Station.
Silence……
Lots of wailing all of a sudden…..crying, and lots of it! Big Italian family had arrived to be with who must have been the head of the family. They were all in a small room smoking!
The man was quite large. He was going to have an operation and it was as though they were all fearing the worse. Lots of wailing still going on when two doctors appeared and took the man in to the room next to where my bed was. All the family were washing themselves at every basin on the ward. Splashing water everywhere as though it was a cleaning ritual that their religion required.
I could see lots of Doctors in Green and Nurses in white. They performed an operation on a stainless steel table and I could see everything they were doing!
A while later something went wrong. Everything went still, something had failed.
This man was left and not covered up like a big slab of meat.
One of the nurses had seen me looking and drew the blind.
The next day the whole family bought piles of food and cakes together with boxes of strawberries and cream for the staff.
I was by now starting to talk to Debbie when she came to see me and I can remember asking her to take me home. It was all still very much a blur. I have never seen so many tubes and wires coming out of me. The slightest move set an alarm off and a nurse would come over.
Two Physio department staff were starting to insist I blew my nose and started to take steps with a Zimmer frame. That was hard work, I have never been so out of breath doing something so simple.
A day or so later a group of Doctors were on their morning rounds and a Doctor called Richard came over and said “You probably don’t remember me but I was the guy who saw you before your operation and gave you the odds of success. We both smiled at each other and agreed that the odds can sometimes be beaten! A job well done.
At one point whilst Debbie was at the bedside a face appeared. I was taken aback! It was quite a shock. The nurse was dressed in a brownish uniform. “This was the nurse who helped you after the operation” said Debbie. This is Mira!
“M” The nurse who I was sure was out to get me had in fact been responsible for saving me. That is why it was her face that was always in my Hallucinations.
Wires were starting to be removed and it was decided to move me from ICU to a standard ward..
Debbie left me after seeing me in to my own room and went home. It was a hot day and sun was coming through the window. The hospital was having major building works going on down below and I could hear a lot of noise.
I struggled to get to sleep. There was sand pouring in my room through the ceiling, I could not breath. I called out, and an Indian Doctor came in to my room, looked I to my eyes and checked my blood pressure. He then wrote me a cheque for damages for £1000 and told me to keep quiet.( This did not happen)
I asked to be moved to another room. I was told by the young lady I was in luck as someone had just died and I could have her room.
Compared with ICU the standard room was just constant noise. Buzzers and bleepers sounding all night long. I heard the pinging of microwave going all the time.
Then all the staff changed in to different clothes and started to dig the ward up with pick axes and shovels. They laid the tracks down the middle for a steam train.
I must have dozed off as I was woken by the hissing of brakes as the train pulled up outside my ward window. “ Would you like breakfast”
At 10am the consultant who had actually carried out my operation came to see me!
Still don’t know why he did this.” How are you feeling Richard?”
I want to go home Doctor I said. His task was to see me put my shoes on and walk with him in a straight line to the bottom of the ward and back.
How I did it I will never know as I could not even walk with the Zimmer the day prior.
“You are well enough to go home Richard”
Debbie came in and I told her the good news that I was allowed home!
She waited as late as possible to 2.30pm but then had to leave but would return later when all the paper work had been finalised.
At around 3pm I was asked to wait in the waiting room for all my paperwork and medication.
It was hot and the sun was streaming through the window.
NO ONE came in to see how I was. NO ONE asked if I wanted a drink
I had gone from ICU to standard ward and all the care and attention suddenly disappeared.
At 5pm I was getting very hot and flustered as to what was causing the delay.
“Wont be long now Mr Brooks”
I sat there in the waiting room looking out of the window watching 8 very highly strung horses with plumes of feathers pulling a tractor that was in turn pulling an articulated lorry up a steep hill trying to get past a bridge that was hanging from a Chinook helicopter.
At the time I was absolutely positive that I was watching this!
At 6pm I was allowed to go. Given my very big bag of medication and out of the ward I stumbled!
Why did NO one make sure I sat in a wheel chair to wait for my wife?? No care at that point.
I literally stumbled out of the ward, down a lift and into the main hospital, down 3 more flights in the lift, wandered in a state along a corridor and out of the main entrance!
I was back in the outside world and NO ONE knew .I looked dishelmed and dirty and had very little breath. I am surprised someone did not grab me and wheel me back in!
Luckily Debbie came along after around 20 minutes and we came home.
We heard from NO ONE for over 3 weeks. The feeling of pure abandonment was huge.
A few weeks later I started on the 8 weeks re-habilitation course and that was fantastic. I started to meet others who had gone through similar experiences and the Nurses and staff were very good and supportive.
I pushed my self to go back to work in August. I really do wish that I had not gone back so early. I was still aching and my employers really did not have a clue what I had been through and the their view was well if you are back to work then get on with it!
The Swine’s would not even let me have a small heater under my desk as I was feeling the cold in the Autumn.
Thanks to:
My Doctor I would give 10/10 for his speedy assistance on 5th May.
The Ambulance drivers and paramedics who rushed me in to hospital were incredible.
The nurses who first saw me on arrival at the Bristol Heart Institute were fantastic.
The Doctors who then took over and kept me informed had a human side and were great!
The surgeons, well what can I say but “Thank you”
The ICU ward. All staff were dedicated professionals with a heart of gold, including Mira!
Debbie my wife and Rachel my Daughter for enduring the pain whilst sofa bound during the Jubilee celebrations.
My sincere thanks to Paul Ormesby for his experiences that spurred me on to write this.
I hope like Paul it may help someone at some time.We all learn from others!
Weaning our of sedation
ICU to the ward transition
My dad graduated from ICU today!
Pneumonia septicshock 
Being Vent Dependent 
