Staying inside to avoid triggers in public

[88cev88]

I’m triggered by a certain type of jewelry and when I’m in public I never know when I will see someone wearing it. So I often avoid leaving the house. How do I get past this? My therapist is refusing to do exposure therapy because she says I’m not stable enough. I agree I’m not stable, but I don’t know how to cope with going out in the meantime.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi 88cev88,

Thank you for sharing about your situation.

I was unable to go outside due to severe ptsd and had exposure therapy because that was the only one on offer so I took it. It was a mixed experience.

It is so sad that most people needing therapy are not in a stable place - otherwise they wouldn't need therapy.

For me, personally, I had to try to reduce pressure on going out otherwise the stress was too much. I would tell myself I don't have to go out if it's too much. I would go out on days when I was feeling a bit stronger and start only a few metres first, then out of the building then around the building and back etc.

Shopping was almost the worst scenario so it took longer to be able to do that.

I needed a trauma therapy which wasn't going to retraumatize me worse.

[SavingGrace Administrator]

Hi 88cev88,

Jewellery connects me to my PTSD also (and no doubt, in a slightly different way)... but I don't have the answer, yet I wanted to share this with you: that you're not alone in the feeling that this connection with an object creates.

As a young child I was known for adorning myself with play jewellery. Now, I barely touch it.

I can empathise that there is a suitable time to expose and deal with the emotions. I also agree with Nathalie, that life calls on us to meet daily issues and demands.

Thankfully, there are some answers for those worse-case scenario days: such as getting a food delivery ordered to our doorstep, if we are lucky?! I have four grocery shops I rotate on going to... don't ask me why, but I do so..... i guess it alleviates any sense of potential triggering in relation to my PTSD.... so i just go with my flow.

I also have used another analogy before, which I'd like to share here: using green spaces as stepping stones. First wilder, rural places, then more public spaces - open air.... and then, gradually moving myself closer towards spaces or areas where I would feel threatened or suffocated in previous occasions.

So, yes, like Nathalie suggests: tentative steps forward doing only what we can or wish to accomplish. Making no demands on ourselves - and always offering a back-out plan.

It can feel odd, making such boundaries - and yet, it is just doing what is safe and logical at the end of the day, because PTSD can play irrationally on our senses...

I would suggest trying wearing a wide brimmed hat, or darkened sunglasses - something that can protect the 3rd eye from those immediate & sudden impacts caused due to visual glances/cues. When I want or need to hide, yet need to be in public, I use such accessories....

[Phoenix1992 in reply to SavingGrace]

Thank you for the different ideas around challenges to go out, I am going to make a few notes of them as I think they may help me.

[SavingGrace Administrator in reply to Phoenix1992]

I'm glad Phoenix1992. Since even writing this post reply above, I have learnt to recognise and perhaps deal/cope with my strategies a little more.

I no longer do the rotating shop avoidance strategy

I'm starting to walk down to the shop, rather than drive... because ultimately I was scared of walking as a young, vulnerable woman - even just a few hundred feet along a main road...

My dog had been my 'reason d'etait' but she's now elderly and we enjoy much more shorter/quality driven walks and outings....

We live and learn, adapt....

<3

[Phoenix1992 in reply to SavingGrace]

That's great to hear. Those little changes in the right direction are a cause for celebration!

I have been trying to go out of my front door since Friday, not able to yet. The PIP process has set me back these past 3 weeks. I have to go out for my GP appt on Thursday, so hoping that helps me move forward from the PIP fiasco.

[SavingGrace Administrator in reply to Phoenix1992]

I wonder if/what ideas & methods you have tried?!

I used to write itinerary, which helped and I stuck to this 100%

Also incorporating surprise elements: like a detour to the river or sea-side or whatever?

The shopping for food issue - yes, that has been kind of key for me. Who knows why. But finding somewhere or a combination that works. It just helped enable me to get what I 'need' without facing or getting what I wasn't ready for.

I'm not sure what the PIP process is.... Happy to chat more about that though

[Phoenix1992 in reply to SavingGrace]

A second reply to your post SavingGrace, I realise I may have not mentioned, for me it is my social anxiety that stops me going out at the moment and people seem to be everywhere!!

[Phoenix1992]

I have to write everything down in order of what I am doing. I struggle with more than one thing to do, so I try to do the most important first and the second is optional. I am really rigid right now,

I don't have a car anymore as unable to work, I'm happy not to have one as I love walking but, buses are a huge challenge. I have only visited 2 other towns in the last year by bus. One to my sister's, which I have to sometimes cancel or take diazepam to manage. I listen to my iPod when waiting at the bus stop and if the bus is quite empty, I manage better.

The other town, or actually city, I can only visit if I am meeting my sister there. I lived and worked in this city in my 20's so, I am hoping that is something I can work on in the near future. There is a city farm there that I'd love to visit as animals are very calming for me.

I really want to go to the beach, but it is an hour and a half train journey and I am not yet able to try it. The train down is perfect as it is the first of the day, so maybe 3 people on it, and it arrives just after 8am as the promenade cafes are opening. The children are back at school next month after their summer break, so a possiblity. And I get a train back about 1pm, which isn't too busy.

I do walk meandering routes in my home town too, to be on quieter streets and look at everyone's gardens. Our green spaces are good too and I meet other people's dogs! I need to move and as soon as I can get out more reliably, I want to get a rescue puppy. As I know this will help me hugely. When I had my 2 cats, I loved having that connection.

I do try and get a grocery delivery, but that is challenging for me, but means I only need to shop for perishables once a week, if I can make it. (I don't always.)

At the moment, I am so reactive to everything, I am never in a calm state. I know it will come with the help of therapy, but it is exhausting.

My GP has said, some of my getting stuck indoors could be emotional flashbacks and my new therapist, who I had a trial with last month and see for 2 months from September has mentioned dissociation. So, I feel very much at the beginning of finding what helps.