how could I go from living a vast life to barely be able to even leave my house without freaking out I feel like I’m in a cardboard box. I went from having such a life of going our in nature doing things with family going into stores concerts and I can’t do any of it I just tried going to the store and of course my body was freaking out the whole time THE WHOLE TIME even coming home I was rushing around felt so light and legs felt wobbly feeling like I couldn’t breath then bottom jaw got tight I want my life back so damn bad I seen on my health thing the damn psychiatrist person put I had panic disorder WITHOUT agoraphobia like for real. I’m so frustrated. I’ve dealt with agoraphobia before when I was 16 but it sure as hell wasn’t this bad and didn’t last as long. I want to go back in time so bad I’m tired of this shit I want to live again I’m tired of thinking/feeling like I’m dying and everything being so dark. I want to snap out of it so bad like everyone wants me to. I’ve gone so much further down a hole since July and the whole Chiari malformation bullshit. I try and be like you’ve felt like this before you are okay you will make it through but I guess my brain doesn’t believe it. I want to be able to just take a deep breath and feel that calm come over me I want to feel the endorphins of listening to music again. I don’t feel endorphins anymore no matter what I do it’s horrible no favorite food no favorite music no favorite things nothing gives me a feel good feeling that’s one of the scariest parts.
it’s traumatic : how could I go from living a... - Heal My PTSD
it’s traumatic
Hi Adamj,
Welcome...
You went through such a drastic change and I totally understand wanting to be functioning well again.
It is a lot you have been through and having so much stress especially at such a young age, makes functioning really hard.
Sometimes there are things we are not aware of consciously that might be triggering intense panic and contributing or even causing agoraphobia, that may eventually need to be processed with a therapist.
It isn't really possible to snap out of it and even thinking differently might not get rid of the triggers so it might help to find a therapist that is trauma aware.
There is a lot about how trauma manifests itself in the body and some people found therapy based on movement helpful.
I had somatic experiencing based on Peter Levine's method. It was helpful for me. Also, did inner child excercises for some of the things I experienced in childhood.
Have you tried a safe place technique? Any music or anything that you can take with you to help you soothe you if you need to go out?
I am so sorry you are struggling so very much...
thank you hopefully one day I’ll be able to get back out there family just doesn’t understand and it’s frustrating. Ima start looking for a new therapist. Nothing really seems to sooth me anymore and it’s the most annoying thing I really have no place I feel safe because my body is usually constantly in a survival mode or a heightened crappy feeling mode and some feelings I can’t even explain it’s so frustrating and frightening some of it I try and explain it to the doctors and I always just get a “hm” took them 7 months to finally refer me to a cardiologist because of chest pains and weird palpitations and such. Functioning is extremely hard
HI Adamj ,being Agoraphobic myself I recognise All the feelings you are going through! It's difficult to explain to people who don't suffer like this. I keep telling my Dr that it's People who cause me to Panic even though I know its just going to my door. I used to Travel all over the World through my Job, Then decided to settle down but had a breakdown. After recovering from my breakdown I did voluntary work with Alcoholics,drug addicts,and Homeless people. But then Death's in my Family and people who had become friends had its effects on my mind I started not going into work not going out Not Living just existing and I mean just. I was diagnosed with PTSD (although my new Dr doesn't think it is ,Nor do i) Also Agoraphobia due to PTSD! I take a 2ml Diazepam an hour before trying to go out which in honesty is very rare. There is a communal garden where I live and recently I have been able to go out and sit there at night although I'm always on edge its an achievement I think, watching the Town Foxes playing 4 or 5 foot away aware that they know I. There but they trust me enough to still play so close! It's a wonderful feeling and for some reason my panic goes away. I want to be able to go out properly again to enjoy my adult kids and my Grandchildren! Unfortunately I had a setback when my Sister passed away,but I'm slowly getting back to going into the garden, I have to do it now I have to force myself before its too late! I just had a CT scan with the Colorectal faster diagnosis service and I'm worried I haven't tried hard enough and it might already be too late. Please don't be like me ! Really push yourself! Fight for You to get your life back if your State allows cbt ( not sure that's the right word? But it's a herbal cannabis oil with the hallucinogens taken out) try that, a person I speak to uses it on prescription and its turned their life around he no longer has the full blown Agoraphobia nor does he have many panic attacks now! I really hope you get Well soon and you go out and Enjoy yourself,your Family and your Friends! All the best Derek 👍
Welcome Adam
I feel Nathalie99 has covered the key information regarding PTSD.
The root cause of PTSD is key to successful healing. I really feel we can't treat the symptoms until we find the core issue.
My suggestion is to find a certified trauma specialist
Please stay strong, don't give up
🐬
yet how do you know the root cause?
Extensive therapy. I do talk therapy, IFS, I've done EMDR, in depth inner child work, and self help reading,
It was like peeling back layers of an onion. I eventually got to the core. Once I got there I was able to put things together, history and symptoms.
🐬
I have had sessions with both a Counsellor and a psychiatrist! The Counsellor just liked the sound of their own voice, the Shrink told me I was the Sanest person he had met, then told my Mother separately that I was schizophrenic! That was the first and only time I spoke to that two faced nut job.( excuse my expression) I had what some call a breakdown others call it an incident, I was either over happy or over sad,I believe its the beginning of my depression yet I don't know . I'm No expert but if my experience of counselling and psychiatric ""Help"" is anything to go by I would advise others not to bother! Yet I have to be honest, I know many people who have had good experiences with Counsellors and with psychiatrist's, So I have to be Truthful and say " Everbody reacts differently, so its something worth trying, just because I had a bad couple of ahem ""professionals "" doesn't mean to say others will. Root cause, Something I don't have the answer to within my own issues, will I ever find it? I don't think so.
Delzek
I'm very fortunate that I got placed in the hands of a wonderful psychiatric team. I recognize that for sure.
I'm sorry you didn't find the same type of help.
I was sharing my experience and as you pointed out we are all different, come from different places , and we all react differently.
Childhood trauma was the root of my problem. For me, once I saw this, everything fell into place.
I hope you find something that will help you. Wishing you the best of luck as you continue to try and find some peace
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