Nightmares every single night. Plus doubts

[Against_the_current]

Again a nightmare about mom and dad. Every single night i have them. I wake up at 7am. This night i had a dream of going back home and mom telling me (as her manipulation game again) she wants to live in the other apartment where dad and the baby are and sis and me are trying to tell her the apartment we have is also good and she goes mad and says "You're always at his side, go live with him".

Then the dog started barking and i woke up. I opened the door and it came and layed in my room. I feel bad i was complaining from it and also it's visit is coming to an end.

I'm really bothering myself thinking when to go back home. My sister is finishing with school for the summer on 1st July and i wanted to see her before she gets a habit of chilling without me, every summer we have been together, i don't want it to change. But i'm scared to go back home. I have nightmares every night about home. Every night i chase trains in my sleep because i have nightmares of going back home and mom being a jerk and me wanting to come back here. Also i want to start working at the student appreciantice program because it's my last year and probably next year is gonna be in the university not online and i won't have time. Also i would have to be here next year If this happens. And to start a job i need to be here. I don't know what to do

Edit : I can't even make it to the post office without panicing

[Nathalie99 Partner]

I am so sorry, Real_Me, that you are suffering from nightmares.

I have them too and they are exhausting.

It is understandable that you are going through a lot of fear right now as you are trying to make decisions that have big implications and are extremely difficult to make.

Is it possible that you could keep in close touch with your sister while you are in the apprenticeship for the summer?

[Against_the_current in reply to Nathalie99]

Thank you and yes i can text her but i can't calm down by just texting actually it makes it worse. Probably will visit for a short time to calm down (hope i don't get triggered, don't argue with mom, don't miss having a private room)

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to Against_the_current]

I understand. It's like that sometimes for me too with online contact versus in person contact.

I think that visiting shortly might help but I hear you about triggers. I hope that knowing that you have a private room to go back to will help you through that visit...