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[Blue-eyed]

Hi. It’s my first time posting on this group. A few days ago I had a conversation with someone that brought up memories from a few years ago. I guess I blocked it out. Over the past few days I keep having flashbacks and shutting down. It’s too much for me. And I feel like maybe I’m just making it up in my head. Or maybe I was asking for it.

I’m not sure how to deal with this. My therapist has started to talk to me about trauma but I keep blaming and not believing myself.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Welcome to the community, Blue-eyed.

Triggers can easily bring back things out of nowhere.

Blocking them out is a protection mechanism when it's too much.

Shutting down is signaling that your nervous system can't face it at the moment. It's good to not push after that.

I know it's hard when you want to do something and that can make things worse.

It's really something that is hard to control especially at the beginning.

The guilt and shame are a part of traumatic experiences quite often.

It's hard to accept that something was beyond your control so sometimes guilt is a subconscious way of trying to make sense out of something that doesn't make sense.

Trauma makes us question our judgment and creates confusion.

Those emotional aspects can be trickier to deal with than the trauma itself.

Therapy can really help address all those things and help you with dealing with triggers.

[Blue-eyed in reply to Nathalie99]

Thanks for responding.

I’ve been in therapy for years. But been telling myself that it’s me. Or I asked for it.

[Marnie22 Volunteer in reply to Blue-eyed]

I think a great many of us feel like that. It can change over time but it's a case of your emotional beliefs needing to catch up to what you probably know intellectually already. It does take time but it will shift. Try and be gentle with yourself. 🙂🌸

[Shy_Guy]

Welcome to the group. I have been in many regular therapy groups and I have witnessed people suddenly getting memories that were repressed. It will take some time to understand.

I do not remember a lot of my childhood and this most of my PTSD problems started. I always thought that I would some day remember something but so far it has not been the case. I think my mind just did not record the trauma. My mind did it’s best to protect me.

I found that the few memories that I do have I question if they really did happen. My therapist told me it does not really matter if it is 100 percent accurate. If it feels like it happened it is true for me. It has to be dealt with in some manner.

For me, this advise gave me permission to feel it and let it go to the best way that I could.

[Blue-eyed in reply to Shy_Guy]

Thank you. I think that does help. I’ve been judging myself and wondering if anyone will believe me. But really it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. I’m the only one who’s suffering from it. Maybe doing the work will help.

I’m sorry that you’ve been struggling with ptsd for all these years. Please let me know if there’s any way I can be there for you