TRIGGER suicide feeling like something terrible may happen any second ... Need a happier mind

[Starrlight]

I’m on edge as if something terrible is about to happen and I think it has to do with ptsd. I often think my kids will choke or be strangled accidentally while playing. My brother hung himself this time of year. I have decided to deep breathe and distract my mind by reading subtitles of a show I’m watching... but all the while I have that feeling like I will have to jump up and save someone from death any minute. I’m so unsettled and can’t concentrate well. I’m trying to think positive but so many anxiety provoking and depressing things fill my mind. Any ideas on how to live with a happier mind?

[Florida1959]

I think this is common at the moment, worse fir people like us! Take care xxx

[Nathalie99 Partner]

I am so very sorry, Starrlight. Terrible situation to be in and it is heartbreaking that your brother died this way. What a shock.

It sounds like a massive trigger that won't go away.

I experienced those.

It's good that you are reading subtitles. Focusing on something.

I tried to do grounding techniques but if it persisted, I tried distracting myself.

If that fails, I tried sleeping, if possible.

I needed to stop reading news at times when most vulnerable. Otherwise triggered all day.

If it is happening for a long time, is there an option to call your therapist or a doctor?

Sending support and hugs...

[Starrlight in reply to Nathalie99]

Nathalie thanks for your understanding... yes grounding like deep breathing and then distracting is good... I don’t want to give it power but have to acknowledge it at the same time.

I’m sorry you have had similar. What type of thing similar did you go through ( only of course if you feel you can share)?

I meet with my therapist once a week but I could call her any time needed... I’ll keep that in mind. She wants me to think of my brother in a positive way like that he is in a good place and even still with me cheering me on kind of a picture to paint but it’s hard not to connect the terrible last memories to him. I’ll keep trying.

I just feel like a total mess right now. I am functioning though it’s just my mind is racing all over the place. I’m surprised I’m functioning well enough to educate my kids and get lots done around the house. But in the back of my mind is always the negativity that I try to ignore that tell me I’m not good enough. I’m tired of living life this way.

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to Starrlight]

I think that you have the right balance between not giving it power but also acknowledging it. My therapist says the same thing.

I lost people close to me, including one to suicide and I know the feeling of dreading that something bad is going to happen, for example when my husband was recently hospitalized.

I think it's a good idea to try to think about your brother in a positive way but I understand this might not always work. I know how hard it is not to connect to those horrible images. That's something I need to work on in therapy too.

Wow that's really positive and inspiring that you are able to do a lot around the house and homeschool your children. I am not doing as well since the restrictions. Today I did a lot but it's an exception.

I understand trying to ignore the negativity. If it doesn't work, that might be a sign that you need to do more therapy. It was for me and I couldn't continue.

I think it just shows your tremendous strength that you are functioning despite this suffering.

Wishing all the best in your therapy.

[Starrlight in reply to Nathalie99]

Thank you so much for your encouragement. I think you are a strong and caring person. Today is a new day and I’m trying to go easy on myself as I tend to be too hard on myself and feel I have to do so much when really I need a break. Have a beautiful day my friend.

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you for your kindness and support xx

Have a good day...

[Starrlight in reply to Nathalie99]

Thanks 🙏 😊

[Survivor4Ever]

I’m sorry to hear and you have and your family are growing and gone through. I would suggest take that backpack off your back the one who holds all that anxiety(worry) depression, fear, worthlessness and things we can’t control, and what ever horrible things you are tormenting and blaming yourself for) maybe what does it feel like if you just took the back pack off for one moment and see what it feels like. And start enjoying your life with your kids without that heavy backpack on your back that weighs you down ... Food for thought

[Starrlight in reply to Survivor4Ever]

I will be practicing taking the weight off ... thanks... I really love that! It seems easy to try out the real challenge is that I need to keep it off! I’ll try. Thanks so much Survivor!

[Ddorne]

I have terrible thoughts too. My therapist said just let it be a thought. Whatever that’s worth. Prayers for you.

Liti

[Starrlight in reply to Ddorne]

Nice! So simple , right?! Thanks for prayers Ddorne. I’ll say one right now for you.

[Marnie22 Volunteer]

Hi. I was taught this by a very good psychologist. It has helped me a lot. Do try it and keep going if you don't get results at first - it can be take a while to get into.

Take a few minutes a day to do this exercise:

Sit comfortably

Close your eyes

Think of a lovely place you have visited (or make one up)

Go through each sense one at a time thinking about what you could hear, feel, touch etc. in that scene. In you mind, take in every detail

If you get any intrusive thoughts, just let them float away and return to the scene

Try to do this at least once every day, not just when you feel bad

Good luck. I wish you all the best.

🌸🌞

[Starrlight in reply to Marnie22]

That’s great thanks so much! It reminds me of one I’d forgotten to use today which is called three practices to find calm and equanimity by Linda graham.

[Marnie22 Volunteer in reply to Starrlight]

🙂🌸

[Starrlight in reply to Marnie22]

❤️

[Want2BHappy3]

I know how you feel that’s Me too, my brother and cousin committed sucide back to back. I was and still am worried about my kids that when they were little they never learned to ride a bike or skate I was afraid of them getting hurt. Even Now they say I drive them Crazy when I see things on TV is tell them Warning them, they said ENOUGH. So they don’t talk to much to Me anymore. I’ve been in counseling and medication for several years. You should seek Help. And don’t talk to friends and family about what you’re going through cause they Don’t want to hear You.

[Starrlight in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Sorry for whet all you’ve been through... it’s a rough ride but we will make it through...

[Hidden]

When something happen traumatic in your life, dates can trigger the thought of it again. We both have PTSD, all I can tell you is keep real busy at that time, or color like I do❤️

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Ghi123

[Florida1959]

I couldn’t be without my meditation at the moment, more than ever xxx

[Starrlight in reply to Florida1959]

❤️

[sunandbutterfly]

So sorry to hear of your brother and the trauma that you have experienced. I know firsthand that sometimes unexpected things can be triggering. I lost one of my cousins to suicide and also encountered someone who had ended their life on the way to work a couple of years ago. For me, listening to music, journaling my thoughts as prayers, and praying with family (in addition to counseling) were helpful for me. Maybe some of those things would be helpful for you as well? I am so glad that you are able to meet with your therapist and encourage you to continue to call and meet with your therapist as needed. Praying for you...

[Starrlight in reply to sunandbutterfly]

(((((((((((Hug))))))))) ❤️ helpful ideas thank you for the prayer 🙏 😊 saying one for you now.

[Survivor4Ever]

Do you feel better?

[Starrlight in reply to Survivor4Ever]

Off and on... thanks so much for asking... I’m in a really bad place right now but earlier it was much better... I just have a lot of stress and when something that I’m unsure of how to handle comes up I go into panic mode quickly and then It’s hard to even think straight enough to help myself out of it but I eventually do... I’m just exhausted and I can’t imagine keeping this up...I just don’t know what to do.

[Survivor4Ever in reply to Starrlight]

I got this from Lang Leav” and shared it with someone else and that it applies to you too and all of us ...it goes....

It's so dark right now, I can't see any light around me.

That's because the light is coming from you. You can't see it but everyone else can.”

[Starrlight in reply to Survivor4Ever]

Thank you 🙏 😊

[Survivor4Ever in reply to Starrlight]

drmargaretrutherford.com/04...

[Starrlight in reply to Survivor4Ever]

I listened and there is good info , thank you

[Survivor4Ever in reply to Starrlight]

Your welcome! Good.. She has like over 100 episodes .. Some applicable and some good

[Beingindependent Volunteer]

I’m sorry you’re going through so much in your mind.

The triggering of this time and what your mind and body remembers would be so difficult.

I hope you can ground yourself reminding yourself of where you are right now. I’m safe I’m fine I’m here. Create mantras.

Don’t watch any news.

Make a list the night before writing what you are going to do the next day.

Get involved in music, art, gardening, online learning, baking, cooking, volunteer find what you can to bring you that happiness. Meditate pray now.

[Starrlight in reply to Beingindependent]

Thank you for the tips there... trying... I’m so scared. I need to get better now. I can’t keep it up feeling like this is like hell.

[Beingindependent Volunteer in reply to Starrlight]

I know that stuck feeling. Last night I was watching tv and that show shark tank was on. It’s a show where people have created a business and are asking business people to invest,

This lady said she needed to make money and sat on her floor crying teaching herself to sew and taught herself to make patterns for dresses. They invested in her business.

You can learn to do anything we all can we just need to take the time.

Also are you afraid of failure?

I sat down to make a face mask. I tried six times I couldn’t do it. Then kept watching videos. Finally I watched a video and it made sense. I sat down to sew it, I watched the video very slowly through each step. I could remember negative people telling me I can’t do anything right and realized that’s why I haven’t risked in the past. So it turned out yay

This is your life. You get to choose whatever you want to do.

[Starrlight]

Nice job to you 😊 🙏 Im trying to get to a better place ... I want to improve and I am slowly but surely and not pushing for what I’m not ready for...focus is having patience, moving forward and healing.

[Paula-38]

Well I know it sounds daft but my severe contamination OCD is triggered off by ptsd I think, they are at the top of my hierarchy but if I am in a less provokative situation I don't get ptsd so much then. Have you ever had CBT and/or EMDR? Because these DO help A LOT when used together and sometimes with SSRI's that's what I have had and I'm waiting for it again but wont be till after lockdown. I hope I have helped you a bit. I also listen to music as a distraction just to give myself a break from all those horrible intrusive thoughts maybe you could try doing the same. It's treatable and a distraction is better than nothing isn't it?

[Starrlight in reply to Paula-38]

I will keep those therapies in mind. I have tried them but not for long and it’s been a while. Yup distractions are good. I just walked a few miles to a shop and felt some relief but home not even 20 minutes and I feel the anxiety coming back. I’m so fed up.

[Paula-38]

I understand. I'm glad you dostracted yourself a bit. Now you play some of your favourite music while you do whatever.

It sounds to me as though your therapy was not for long enough. A specializted therapist in PTSD and/or OCD etc os what you would be lookoling for. Six sessions is no good, it's usually recommended up to about 20 sessions or more if required.

[Starrlight in reply to Paula-38]

Yeah it was not very many sessions. Right now I’m worried about if the schools don’t open back up in September I’m in no shape to take on online schooling I’m just the thought of it is sending me spiraling down. I am trying to focus on only the present but it’s not completely working.

[Agara33]

what you speak about is so major, it is still in your subconscious and playing tricks on your reality. I lost a friend-he died in front of me suddenly from cardiac arrest and at times I fear that other friends will suddenly die, or if people are late that something terrible has happened to them. it's important to process what happened and it doesn't need to be drawn out or painful. there are therapies that really go straight to the point--it will be scary to face, but in my therapy i found that the actual event i face isn't really hard at all compared to the torture it creates in my mind afterwards. hope i'm not repeating what others have already said as i haven't read through the whole thread. there is a way out of the pain