I Know I’m Not The Only One

[js_k]

*Trigger Warning: Contains explicit feelings and thoughts about PTSD*

Restlessness.

Racing thoughts.

Constant battle to “get shit together”.

Feeling disconnected(“people are normal and I’m not”)

Feeling wrong to talk about PTSD with people on and on.

Trying, failing, trying again.

Overwork for distraction.

Feeling like recovery is a long and winding road.

Resentments.

Optimism.

Daily self-care routines.

Undergoing mental marathon.

Growing intimate with ourselves.

Trusting the process and not trusting it at the same time.

Looking for support and trying our best.

Nightmares.

Insecurities.

Flashbacks.

People seems to be happier and more stable.

Who feels that way?

[SavingGrace Administrator]

Hi Js_k I too have felt this way and I'm glad to be coming out of that horrible passage of time into more certainty. I'm sorry for what you are going through. It sounds as if you are doing everything right to be on the recovery journey. It's hard to believe it can ever happen when in the midst of this struggle. The mental marathon is exhausting. Just keeping it together is exhausting. So self care and nurture is so important to maintain strength. It's good you are reaching out to others and trying to trust.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. It reminds me of how difficult this process is. It also reminds me to stay vigilant right now so that I can complete the manifestation process I am going through.

[js_k in reply to SavingGrace]

Yes you pointed out exactly 2 things that are most exhausting: mental marathon and keeping it together. Thank you for your comments. I appreciate that! One step at a time even just noticing thoughts and feelings work like wonders

[peacefulandcalm Encourager]

hi js_k, yes totally. did you draw that? it really feels like my brain. I feel all the things you said right now. I need to calm my brain down and that is all. It is too hot and I have been dissociating. Then my brain gets very bad.

[js_k in reply to peacefulandcalm]

I am sorry I will put a trigger warning next time! And yes, it’s my doodle I am glad my drawing is relatable with you but at the same time I feel sorry that you have to go through this. Here we are, proving each other that we are not alone in the battle thank you for sharing

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to js_k]

you are a very good artist, love the drawing. I think it has meaning for you. It does for me and I didn't draw it, but it feels like that in my brain.

I am not well, I get ill in heat. You can see when it cools down, I will write differently.

why do we have to go through this? I don't know. I want to heal and get healthy in my body and mind and soul. why so hard

I feel all those things , experience all those things you listed. The only one I don't is to not talk about ptsd with people.

I mean, stay on this site for a while and you will have so many people to talk to....you can not bother with the ones in the world who have no clue what it is, for now.

[js_k in reply to peacefulandcalm]

Yes, it is unfortunately the card we have to deal with. And I agree with you, joining this support group helps to alleviate loneliness which stems from inability to find people to relate to. It is hard yea. Some days are victory some days feel like setbacks. But I want to remind you that you are doing ur best and that’s what matters most (even tho inner critics would say otherwise).