This may be hard for some to believe. But part of my C-PTSD is the belief that I started having panic attacks because I was an egotistical, narcissist. I monitor every thought and emotion and if it is pleasurable then I immediately think that it is selfish and egotistical.
I know where this reaction comes from, but it was too complex to explain......
I can relate to that, and I also have C-PTSD. While every psychological screening tool I have ever used says I am very low in narcissism, when I feel good about myself for any reason (and the stronger the reason the worse it is), it leads to thoughts that I am being egotistical. Compounding that is the fact that because I have low self esteem problems from abuse, and I was very meek and compliant as a child, as an adult I have developed a very assertive, don't-mess-with-me and I-can-do-it-myself demeanor, making people think I am egotistical.
The only solution so far is for me to isolate myself from most people, recognize what is happening when I get down on myself for some accomplishment, and just keep going anyway.
C-PTSD here, but it comes from the actions of narcissistic people. Is the original poster really narcissistic or is control a part of survival? Big difference. People who suffered abuse often blame themselves and that is what is sounds like.
Confused on what you wrote or are asking....Are you asking if I am a narcissist? Or do I have control issues?
Just suggesting that if you have c ptsd that you not blame yourself. It is easy to do.
Ok, thanks for clarification ILLhawk. I'll be honest on here, yes growing up I wanted to stand out, be different, be the best at something, and I was many times. And I carried that with me up until I got hit with CPSTD. So that is why part of my struggle now is that I am physically, mentally, spiritually frozen as to not entertain or let in anything that builds my self esteem or makes me feel good or safe.
Thanks for listening and your feedback.
New to PTSD
Living with PTSD
Question of the Day: Is PTSD A Soul Wound?
