5 years in Therapy

[JohnnyS]

Hi,

I'm new to this forum. I've been in Therapy since 2010. I spent 6 months with one T, then 4 years with a new T. I've had complex PTSD since I was a kid but only diagnosed this year, after 2 Hospital visits. Before that, I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which didn't seem right, and has since been dropped.

Last year I finally started to feel 'normal' a few times. However, when I went back into my triggers after feeling this way, the pain was excruciating and I became unstable again for the first time since I began recovery. Before that, I was almost blissfully stuck permanently in my symptoms. Now I'm back in my Ptsd big time, though slowly improving.

Has anyone who is further along on their journey experienced this? I know that recovery is slow and often unpredictable, but it seems like I've taken some pretty massive steps backwards. I have only felt 'normal' a few times this year. I'm losing hope and thinking that this grounded 'normal' feeling isn't possible to have long-term.

I'd also be interested to hear about peoples long-term experiences of Somatic Experiencing. I'm just learning it now and hope it's what I've been looking for.

[MarieMathilda]

Hi Johnny & healmyptsd community,

I am also new to this forum. I was diagnosed with recurring major depression in 2014 and with PTSD in spring 2015. I was relieved when I was diagnosed with PTSD because the diagnose of depression never felt quite right and did not explain my symptoms fully. So I totally understand what you are writing about your bipolar diagnosis!

I have been in treatment (weekly

Therapy, five weeks in-patient treatment and medication) for one year and a half. While I felt better this summer I relapsed in October. Since then I feel like going downhill. I am so tired of not feeling progress on healing & recovery.

Today I read some sentences in Michelle's book that really helped me understand my feelings: "1. You can't go back to who you were when you were "two steps behind" 2. You can only FEEL as though you have gone backwards"

It gave me hope when I felt I was stuck in a big muddy pond of despair...

Don't lose your hope and intention to recover!!!

[JohnnyS in reply to MarieMathilda]

Hey. Thanks. I'm a bit of a fan of Michelle and that quote from her was timely. I also was diagnosed with Major Depression and GAD, but in my last Hospital stay. I told my Psych that I had the same symptoms as people in there with PTSD and it all unfolded from there.

I enjoyed reading your reply. Thank you

[Hidden]

JohnnyS,

I have been experiencing this too recently and thought I was backsliding...until I ran across this perspective.

Our recovery is like climbing a mountain and the higher we go the steeper, more difficult it gets, and the more tired we feel.

So perhaps we are right on course to recovery.😀

Carl

[Hidden]

JohnnyS,

I just noticed you were also asking about Somatic Experiencing therapy.

I have been doing that for about 2 years now, and I can say in a positive way, I have never experienced anything like it.

I feel that with it I am on my way with healing and recovery.

You might look at many of my previous posts here for my experiences with it.

Best Wishes,

Carl

[JohnnyS in reply to Hidden]

Hi Carl,

Thanks for your replies and I'll check out some of your previous posts.

I'm happy to hear you've had a positive experience of Somatic Experiencing over the two years. I can relate to your comment that it is unlike anything you've ever experienced before.

Thanks for replying, because I've needed that sort of reassurance that I'm on the right track