Hi group, I've been lurking for a while and finding the viewpoints of both carers and people who're living with a bi very helpful. You've saved my sanity sometimes, so thank you! My OH had a cerebellar hemorrhage and craniotomy with complications two and a half years ago, and was in hospital for 3 months. He's recovered better than anyone expected, but everyone here who's been there will know that it has not been easy for either of us. Lots of adjustments.
Our relationship, which was volatile even before the stroke, seems to have reached a crossroads, to put it mildly. He loses his temper and snaps or shouts so quickly and so often that I'm finding it unbearable - neither of us deserves to live in this kind of angry toxic atmosphere all the time. I do know this is partly the effect of the bi, and try hard to tell myself he can't help it and he's frustrated. But he did have a quick temper even before the bi, it just didn't explode nearly as often.
When I'm feeling calm I can handle it, but when I'm stressed I confess that I yell right back and we have a screaming match, which I find so upsetting. Recently this seems to have been practically all the time, and I feel that we both have loads of underlying anger towards each other, ad I imagine he's also frustrated about not being able to do what he could do before. I've told him the situation has become impossible and we have to find a way of getting on better, or else consider living apart. I think he could manage independently, just, with the 2 carer visits a day he is currently getting. Obviously we'd both rather it didn't come to this.
We did go to Relate, years ago before the bi, and didn't get anywhere, because he just said that I provoked him and if I stopped provoking him everything would be fine. Sorry, I know this has nothing to do with the bi, but my question does have to do with it. I understand about the short fuse that so many seem to experience after a bi; has anybody found a way to improve this? Have counselling or anger management courses helped anyone to better control this quick angry reaction and shoutiness that so often seems to follow a bi? Or is it something one just has to live with? I sometimes feel I'm a horrible person for not being able to just tolerate it, in the circumstances. I could, at first, but the more he becomes 'himself but not himself', if you know what I mean, the harder it seems to have that detachment.