Good evening you lovely lot. Sorry it's been a while since I posted. My father passed away unexpectedly just over 3 weeks ago and before that. My father in law (who I originally posted about on this forum) was doing SO well. He has been in rehab since December and his confusion and memory still exist as well as some damage (or possibly visual neglect) in his right eye peripheral vision. His mobility is great and overall his speech has improved so much that he barely stutters now. He has intense therapy every day, physical, occupational and phsycoloy with a counsellor. The trouble is (which I'm sure MANY if not all of you) can relate to, is that he's gone from being this big, strong, successful, provider for the familiar. An important job with a well respected high earning position for a top company. Very intelligent and quick witted. To a shadow of his former self. He is anxious, nervous, concerned about things that we've proven to him that he need have NO concerns about. It's a fixation, almost like he's worked up autistic. I permit myself to say that because we have 2 autistic sons who fixate.
The worst part of all of this, is he's so depressed. He doesn't see a role for himself in society or his family and sees himself as a burden. He's not excited about the future of relieveed he's alive right now. His short term memory is still pretty bad but in the therapy session the other day, he mentioned to the counsellor that he wished he hasn't woken up. It breaks our hearts and of course we're very concerned now. He was never a depressed person before this or negative. Just very much a get on with business kind of guy. He's not shy about who he tells about his feelings. It's all very sad and we all feel a degree of helplessness.
My question to you guys is, does this improve with time? Is it a rite of passage for those who experience BI?
Opinions welcome x
Written by
curlycuz
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Hi curly cuz, I was put on antidepressants, a very low dosage 10 mg of citalopram, when I came out of the coma and continued with them for over 3 years, so never hit that depression. I think I was lucky that they saw what might come.
So, I'm not surprised your father is experiencing this, it's such a major life change for him, it may be worth asking if he should be prescribed them, don't forget a head trauma can cause an imbalance in those chemicals produced by the brain. There's no need to be concerned if he needs a hand getting through this.
Hi again Curly. Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear of your father's passing ; please accept my condolences to you & your family.
Your father-in-law still has a way to go in accepting his new status. I'm sure he will be mourning his previous life and not yet able to tolerate the notion of a life without responsibility and all the activity it used to bring.
Losing that old life is equal to losing a loved one and he will go through all the stages of grief, anger and depression which are all necessary and natural processes.
Finding the best support for him might be a matter of trial & error. The counselling might help him find meaning again, but if not he might need a change of meds. But it's time that plays the biggest part in distancing us from traumas and disappointments in our lives.
It's a really worrying situation for all concerned, and I hope sincerely that your dad-in-law will start to take some interest in life as time passes, and find things to smile about once more.
I would just add that anti-depressants are not straightforward! The GP has to start somewhere but the exact pill and dose needs to be monitored and adjusted slowly in order to arrive at the optimum 'balance'. Then as things change it will need to be adjusted. Citalopram is only recommended at a low dose so I would urge you to go back and try a new regime. He should not be feeling this desperation and needs the cushion that 'happy pills' can provide. I would suggest that only when he has this break will he be able to move forward with his new life rather than just want out...
So sorry you're having to go through all of this. I can relate to some of what your father in law is going through "he's gone from being this big, strong, successful, provider for the familiar. An important job with a well respected high earning position for a top company. Very intelligent and quick witted. To a shadow of his former self." I am starting to accept at least some parts of the new me after a little over 3 years since my event happened. Some days I do much better than others. And then some days just suck. Taking life one hour or day at a time seems to help me deal with this loss and change. I also feel those around me and my family are getting cheated out of what I once was. Not sure what I'm trying to say here, but I wish you and your father in-law peace and comfort.
Thank you. I understand what you're saying. I know we are all so glad he's still here, especially after all or other loss recently... but you're right. Although the humour is still there and pops up every now and then, he has changed and I guess we all (him included) need time to mourn the man that is no longer here. X
We was told a brain injury recovery is also part of a transformation process aswell as rehabilitation process and a composite of old and new will happen which o can now see is true as i see my dad in his early days of bi 9 weeks now
I'm very sorry to hear about your father and now you have to see difficult things with your father in law too.
From my perspective as a relative of a PCS sufferer, depression can be part of it. It's more apparent with my mum if she thinks she is a burden. She has also made comments to me that she should have not survived her accident. It's really upsetting. I tell her I'm glad she did. PCS suffers can get more emotional and agitated. The whole experience is a trauma.
Give headway a call and they may be able to point you to some of the e books both for you as carers as much as for him as the sufferer of PCS. The one about brain injury and memory in particular can help your father in law understand what is happening.
When he is up to performing any sort of task, make sure someone thanks him for it. This could be something small like helping to chop vegetables. Involve him in something. He may feel less of a burden.
Try all the tricks to help his memory like putting post its on cupboards. They can be a prop at first and as time goes on and he improves, you can take them down again.
Try to see that he gets enough rest as well. Not only sleep but just enough time to relax. The short term memory is worse when they are tired.
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