My partner is 5 months on from his TBI, he's having all the classic symptoms/effects of frontal injury. I understand it's still so early in his recovery and he has a lot of work to do with the psychologist. Other factors don't help such as not driving, uncertainty of being able to return to work, the cause of the accident that caused the injury.
However, his anger has been steadily increasing each time he has an outburst. He has smashed and broken endless items in the house and it got so bad he screamed in my face, both hands by head. He didn't physically hurt me, in the moment I thought he was going to and I worry that soon he will. Our 1 year old witnessed this and our 4 year old has witnessed his other outbursts.
I'm just curious to hear your experiences of if it was like this to begin with and things got better/worse.
I've moved with my kids to my mum's for the foreseeable, will still be there for him and seeing him a lot of the time.
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Purplelover25
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Like you say it is early days. Unless I have missed it you don't say if he recognises these outbursts.
On top of the injury there is the frustration of feeling inept and trying to come to terms with all that has happened.
I struggled big time with anger and managed to destroy most items in our home. I never physically hurt anyone but I know now I scared the life out of my wife and children, something I know I can never forgive myself for.
There is light at the end of the tunnel though. I underwent anger management and eventually this had an impact on the outbursts. They didn't stop them but helped me deal with them.
Does it go away? In some cases it may do but in mine it hasn't. Though I can control it I know I blow up easily more so if I'm tired.
No instant cure but then there never is. Hope he gets the help he needs for all of your sakes.
I'm going to answer, your question, from the point of view of someone who HAS had a Brain Injury- albeit some time ago now. I now live in Supported Living, which means there is always 'Someone Available' at ALL times. I do my own Cooking, Washing, 'Personal Care', Cleaning (who am I trying to kid!) and, important to me, take care of my own Medication. I need Someone, with me, when I go out. The Staff DO visit me, on occasion....My Coffee is VERY popular! (I have an old 'Fixed Filter' machine and also, both Blend and, Grind my own Beans.)
Firstly and VERY Importantly can I, absolutely assure you, that your Husband MEANS YOU NO HARM- underneath ALL the 'Brain Injury Problems' lies the man who Married you! What he IS Feeling is, on occasion, a VERY INTENSE Anger/ Rage that IS 'All Consuming'. At These Times he, just cannot, see beyond it....Trust me I Know how He Feels! No doubt, when he Comes Out, of these rages, he is VERY sorry but cannot explain what 'Happened'. The key, to helping HIM, is to understand HIS feelings and have patience LOTS of it. With your help, and that of the 'Others' around him, he will SLOWLY begin to understand- then 'Take Charge'- of his Feelings. Little, by Little, he will begin to, be able, to Control/ Channel his feelings. Art is a VERY good 'Channel', maybe see if there is an Art Group near you.
Have you heard of an organisation, Called Headway (Brain Injury Support, For ABI Survivors AND their Families.). A VERY good organisation, that offers Absolutely Incomparable Support. They have a 'Forum', on here, just look at Other Communities- via 'My Hub'- Scroll Down to 'Other Communities', then click Headway. Headway are a National organisation, and are likely to have either a Specialist Centre, or an 'Outreach' Organisation near you. In Essex, where I live, they have The Headway Centre, in Colchester, along with Four other Reginal Support Teams that cover the whole County.
A girl that I didn't know myself, wrote a VERY powerful poem, telling the Story of 'My Overcoat'. The 'Overcoat', in question, was her Husband. One day, her Overcoat was Damaged, Torn and Broken....but, with Love and Care, she slowly 'Mended' it. She described Finding their 'Love and Life STILL Hidden in the Pockets'. This Poem has always 'Moved' me, with it's Pure, Raw Honesty- their LOVE helped them through.
Anyway I've 'Waffled on', Quite enough, now Purplelover25- an interesting 'Name', do you mind me asking….Where did you get it? My Thoughts, and Love, are with you both.
As everyone else has said it’s early days , my partner was extremely volatile in the early days I still have flashbacks to when in hospital he grabbed me by my neck and pushed me up against the door thinking I was keeping children away from him (they had visited earlier that day ). Reach out to all the support you can I didn’t as wasn’t aware of any tbh, managing fatigue is a big help. For me my partners anger still has a huge effect on mine and children’s life 11 yrs later.
In my case I can’t relate to AndrewT”s comment s of partner being sorry and feeling awful about outbursts, frontal lobe damage has left my partner unable to accept responsibility, to show remorse or empathy however each person is unique and pre injury personality does have some influence.
Glad to see you are keeping yourself and children safe, take care xxxxx
You need to put yourself and your childrens' safety first here. My husband got frustrated and angry one day and attacked me - he would have killed me if someone hadn't come to the door. Despite what AndrewT says, people don't always feel sorry afterwards. My husband wouldn't even believe that he had done such an awful thing, he was normally such a placid kind person. He was convinced that I had fallen down the stairs. From then onwards I always made sure that, if I saw a trace of anger, I was near an escape route. He never did it again, but once was enough. I had a broken collar bone, many broken ribs, lots of other injuries. I didn't have children to worry about so I was luckier in that respect but PLEASE don't assume that he will not physically attack you, he is unable to realise what he is actually capable of. Keep yourself and your children safe.
Hi my husband is 5 years in from a tbi of his frontal lobe and although he has regaind alot of his normal functions he appers drunck when he is tired or stressd ofr angry or upset .he gets angrya lot mainly at me but after a sleep he forgets what he has said and done .we are currently under a nurophcologist so fingers crossed we wil get some help .hope things get better for you and your family here if u ever need a chat x
Hi, I was angry for the first 18mths after my TBI, after feedback from my wife and daughters I focussed on it.
Nowadays (5yrs after TBI) I spend as much time as possible on being happy. I’ve accepted I can never be exactly the same I was pre-TBI. I gave myself challenges, Pennine Way, wild camping on my own and cycled Lands End to John O Groats, half marathons etc. I have also got into Buddhism. Good luck
Sorry to hear of your Partners temper. Was he loving before ? or has he always been angry? I had a SAH and always been a little hasty but not to the stage where I would hurt someone.. When I was in cuckooland I did call the OT's witches. as I thought them pulling me was hurting me and so they gave me a balloon to hit and then told my hubby I need to go into a home as I'll never get better and to mourn me as I'd never be same as was.
When I was ill and had shunt put in for hydrocephalus that woke me up and I thought my next step was to die as what happened to me as a Cousin and his mum died of this. I sung to keep myself happy and was a pain to hubby and Daughter, they have been so good.
Keep well and 5 months is early days ..stress is bad for us ..Wishing you All good luck and I cannot tell you what to do but whatever you decide I hope the outcome is good for all of you xxxx God bless and you need to be a Saint to care for us who have had brain bleeds
I am very sad that you are experiencing such a hard time but as people have said just remember his outbursts are not an indication of how he feels deep down inside about your children and you.
As you probably mentioned,temper, anger, aggression are all traits of frontal lobe damage and he cannot help her his attitudes or behaviour that is due to this damage and remember all his faults that you mention are due to this damage not his feelings for you children and you.
Following my accident in Januery this year, my temper, anger and aggression spiralled out of control. I could literally tear apart anyone that irritated me or got in my way. Even though I am diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder, so I'm nuts, my anger, etc had never been so bad and I worked as a Specialist Registered Nurse for many years which proves my emotions were under control. I am extremely well medicated but I will give you a couple of examples of how bad my aggression was. One thing I did when a car was travelling really close behind me. I slammed on my brakes and got out of my car to kill the driver. Then a group of boys threatened to jump my fourteen year old son, so I waited until I found all their addresses and then I waited outside their houses and when they came out alone I approached them and told them if they touched my son I would find them, seriously hurt them and make sire their mothers would end up missing them. These boys were in their late teens but I grew up in East London and I was brought up being shown how to attack somebody and protect myself. But now that I am back to normal I am disgusted with myself.
In order to get my aggression under control my Psychiatrist increased certain medications that I take and within about three weeks I was able to control my temper and walk away. I have always been opinionated, argumentative and with an explosive temper but I have been able to manage things since being diagnosed with my Bipolar. Perhaps the Psychologist could prescribe something to help him relax and calm down. Benzodiazapine medication such as Diazepam, Amitritilyne, Temazapam, etc are usually good a managing the situation but perhaps there is something that has been developed that works better. Beware that Benzodiazapines can be addictive but if the medication works and improves your living situation it may be worth trying one.
I really hope that something is put in place to manage your situation and help your poor husband. Just remember that despite the negative issues that your husbands TBI cause him, the husband you know and love is still inside him somewhere. You will be in my thoughts. Hopefully the husband you know and love will come back to you. I survived his situation and I am now the original me from before my accident, don't get me wrong I still have a temper but I was born with that!!!!
I wish you and your family peace, happiness, good health and a whole lot of luck,
"In order to get my aggression under control my Psychiatrist increased certain medications that I take and within about three weeks I was able to control my temper and walk away"
THIS. It is a chemical imbalance and the brain has little to no ability to control the chemical release or control it at overload. It is a chemical imbalance, not a personality disorder.
It is a chemical imbalance, not a personality disorder. Explore if a medication intervention could dull his outbursts in the interim. Be prepared for the despondency which might also accompany the dulling. It is not a long term solution and the intervention plan might look for a 3-6 month settling down period and then attempt to wean the medication down, if rage comes back, go for another year, then attempt to wean medication down.
His brain is healing the very heart of the itself, the pineal, the hypothalamus and the pituitary, where chemicals are controlled and released that drive all the other bodily systems to maintain homeostasis. If you are inside looking out it is equally as scary as being on the outside looking in. As a simple example, imagine if you could not control your body temperature, think how frustrating and hugely tiring that might be. The nerves simply get overtired at continuously having to pick up where the chemical central production unit should have picked up the baton. The nerves can be fed with extra vitamin B but chemical imbalance will continue. A home intervention can be tried to normalise serotonin through trying over the counter serotonin enhancers like 5HTP, St Johns Wort and others.
However what you describe has serious consequences on your young family so a medical intervention would provide the most peace of mind and comfort for you to continue to occupy the same four walls as a family into the foreseeable future. I repeat, it is a chemical imbalance while the body learns to heal itself and sort out its chemical production factory in the very heart of the brain.
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