I had a bad cycling accident nearly 2 years ago when I was in a high speed head on collision with a speeding car, suffering a subarachnoid haemorrhage and cerebral contusion. I recovered well on the face of it. I lost my driving licence for about 9 months but eventually got it back. After going back to work, in a high earning managerial position, I managed to skive and hide a lot of last year but since Christmas I’ve been expected to get involved in more intensive stuff again.
The first few weeks went well but since then I’ve been in a steady decline culminating in me going to my boss today to raise growing problems. Feels like I've come to a crisis point. I told him I was feeling beaten, demoralised and despondent, which is possibly not the best career move ha ha.
After the accident I did various psychological tests which showed a marked decline in abilities. My IQ supposedly dropped 30 points. From being 'above average' I had a few test indices showing as dropping to 'below average' and it all rings very very true. I can feel the impact every day. I suffer from permanent light headedness and slow thinking and just can't cope with fast paces, high intensity and multitasking anymore.
It's all so well hidden though. I feel I'm still high functioning and capable of high quality work but it's that top level I just can't handle anymore. My wife asked me if I was suffering depression as she has noticed various things about me. I don't think I am but who knows.
Worryingly, recently I've become aware of some massive holes in my memory. I was talking to someone I used to work with about 8 years ago and he mentioned our old office. I denied ever working there but must have been based there for over 10 years. I eventually managed to conjure up a vague recollection of the office but I still wouldn't be able to locate it if I had to drive there now and I can't picture it or recall anything about it. Also when people ask me about things I was supposedly closely involved in when I went back to work in 2024 I have zero recollection - completely nada.
It's all a worrying time as I thought I was doing a lot better but seem to have progressively nosedived over the last 3 months as I've tried my best to get back to my old self. Tending to think I may be stuck like this now as it's almost 2 years since my injury.
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RoyRibble
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Yeah I've found you pretty much have to get on with life as best you can. If your struggling with work (like I was) then reassess what is within your ability, and claim government assistance if need be.
The 'Autonomic System' is impacted by brain injury. It looks after the function of your body, so if your brain is damaged then it doesn't send the right signals, and if your body gives the wrong function then it sends the wrong response to the brain, and the whole system becomes dysfunctional. Fatigue, physical and mental, impacts this significantly.
So not only is your brain at a deficit to start with because of the damaged cells, your ability to function after that is significantly impacted by fatigue.
So it's no surprise to hear what you are going through. Yes, you should speak up for yourself and what you are going through. Others may not fully understand, but you have to determine what is best for YOU, especially long-term. Perhaps there is a role/work hours that is best suited to you, or like many of us survivors you may need government support for income.
Sorry to hear about your accident, sounds horrific.
Just know that what you’re describing is very similar to ALOT of folks’ experiences on here following brain injury.
Your neural pathways, the message ‘highways’ in your brain, have been completely messed up and your brain has spent the last 2 years working to try fix those pathways forging new ones where needed. All of which takes ALOT of your body’s resources.
A lot of people report struggling with previous job roles, myself included. I could just never seem to get back to my A game, for want of a better expression.
Have you seen or been referred to Neuropsychology? I read you did various tests after your accident, was this via neuropsychology? Usually a referral would come from your neurologist, well mine did. I’m still waiting for my appointment nearly 2 years now, but they are able to do extensive testing and then help you work out ways to improve areas where possible, such as memory and other cognitive functions.
Also, I have to say, although brains recover at different rates, we’re all unique after all, two years is still generally early days in brain injury recovery.
Depression can certainly mimic symptoms of brain injury but for me, in my experience, it doesn’t truly reflect what my body was/is going through.
I will say that I think the trauma of what happens to us as brain injury survivors is often overlooked and not dealt with thoroughly enough...
I was advised by a vestibular physiotherapist (one avenue for you to explore) to seek vision therapy (another avenue…), something that has become pretty standard in the States for brain injury, but isn’t yet available on the NHS. Through this I am receiving treatment and therapy for PTSD. For me, this has been by far the most effective treatment I’ve had, and I’ve tried many over the past 8 years!
If you’re inclined, have a look at Bessel van der Kolk’s book The Body Keeps the Score.
Sorry, there’s no quick fix in brain injury but there is definitely hope to be had and different avenues to pursue to get to a place that feels better than where you are now. Unfortunately a lot of therapies are private; NHS is trying hard but cannot deliver much.
This has been a very long post, sorry, I’m a writer, what can I say! But I hope there’s something of use for you.
Take good care of yourself, be patient and don’t beat yourself up that you’re not how you used to be. This is a brand new version of you that you’re just figuring out.
Hi, in a nutshell, your brain hasn't recovered enough for you to be back at pre accident life. People (including yourself) think that you look fine, you must be fine, and carry on doing what was everyday life. Your brain is still healing and you are putting pressure on it to perform as it did 2 years ago, it can't. Have a chat in work, say you need time off as you haven't recovered enough to to step straight back into your job. Ask your wife why she thinks you are depressed, she will have noticed a differences that you probably are not aware of. You are still healing and will be for a long time. Be grateful that you have got off as injury free as you have and adjust your life to accommodate the slower processing brain you now have. Take care it's a very long journey.
I've noticed some similar things- although I'm only six months post-injury and have only been back working remotely for a month though. The other week I was reading an old document for the first time only to discover that I was the author!
I've got some great support from my manager but I certainly don't feel capable of doing my role to the same standard. I'm an engineer, so a lot of my work involves complex, convoluted information systems and long blocks of technical text- on a bad day it feels like my eyes just bounce of the screen and I can't follow simple sentences.
I'm inclined to be honest with my boss. As I'm currently waiting to go in for a second craniotomy there isn't much expectation on me in terms of workload, but unless things improve significantly in the long term I don't think my current job is sustainable once I return to work for the second time. I'm wondering whether a slight change of role might be beneficial, such as doing CAD design work with less reading and more clearly defined objectives.
Plan A is to do five more years to clear the mortgage and then try to negotiate a part-time contract, but even that feels like a long way at the moment!
Best of luck in finding a route that works for you!
Thank you all for your responses. It's good to discuss things with people who genuinely understand. Articles on the internet never seem relevant to my particular symptoms and people who haven't experienced this have no way of comprehending what I'm talking about.
TreesMTBI yes all my cognitive tests were done through a neuropsychologist. About 4 hours of tests called the Weschler Adult Intelligence Scale and Memory Scale. It destroyed me for about a week afterwards. I was supposed to get a referral for some occupational therapy and vestibular therapy but its all part of a legal claim and the other side are apparently being difficult with funding without full disclosure of all my medical reports which we aren't ready to submit to them yet.
It's just good to offload thoughts and hear other peoples experiences, so thank you.
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16 years later
6 months later..... 
Struggling with life following brain injury
Struggling
How honest should I be?
