Feeling sorry for myself

[Wazza84]

So I’m having a ‘feel sorry’ for myself moment.. sometimes I have a overwhelming realisation about the brain haemorrhage I suffered and the way I’ve been left with low mobility, dizziness, headaches, short term Fukken memory, anxieties, the relentless ache I get from my shunt, the fatigue, not sleeping enough or over sleeping, repeating myself, the way I hate all of it but also accepting it and living with it. It’s been 13 years since I was ‘locked in’ and I am so thankful that I’m able to write this status today… probably just overthinking things right now.

[skydivesurvivor]

hi, suffered a traumatic brain njury in 2000, left me totally out of it. Divorce, tried to return to work in 2004. Unable to do a simple job had done for years. Saw DWP doctor asked me name address arc. Took me off benefits. Lived on bank of mum n dad 10 months awaiting appeal, ended 6points for life on benefits,awarded 13?!! Benefits reset paid m&d what I owed them for rent etc. dad just out of hospital with heart attach. Mum had to take me for assessment by cab. Went in & they said oh sorry don’t need to see you?!! Spent 10 years supporting mum, my appointee. As dad passed. 1 of 4 kids, me & bro went to see her in east Surrey hospital at end of pandemic, he visited weekends, me taxi to & back £84!! Only way I could go. Months benefit went on cab fares!! We stayed night she was due to die. Other bro. Kids came to visit!! Sis n her kids no show!! Mum passed 3 am was sitting with her . Held dads hand as he died , couldn’t hold hers!!

Lesson learnt shit happens SMILE to spite it!! Wow!! Longest waffle ever!! Good luck

[Wazza84 in reply to skydivesurvivor]

Hi Skydivesurvivor..

Sorry to hear that you’ve been through a lot of sh!t after your brain injury, I was going to put my status on Facebook but my Facebook friends don’t get/understand brain injury like the people on here..

[skydivesurvivor in reply to Wazza84]

Most of my friends dropped me because of the same, 1 of 4 kids older bro slammed door in my face when I took him receipts for cab fair, sis ran homes for brain njury she wheedled new car & £5k out of me. Promised mum to repay me out of inheritance?! Not a penny received!! Most friends went with hubby. Hiligjt of day now is Costa!!

[Wazza84 in reply to skydivesurvivor]

I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through and can also comprehend what you’re going through with the ‘loss’ of family and friends. I feel if a member of my family or any of my friends went through what I went through I would have stuck by them as that was the person I was/am.

[skydivesurvivor in reply to Wazza84]

Crazy but I learnt to SMILE to spite my injury!! Try it , great stress relief !! ….just beware the men in white coats!! Take care

[skydivesurvivor in reply to Wazza84]

Shows the new you is a better person!!

[Jumpingjack15]

l know what you mean mine was 2013 June 5th

[James1984]

Hi Wazza, you've definitely got it worse than I do so you do deserve sympathy from me. I had a brainstem stroke at 13 and it affects my left side, though I look very normal 'most' of the time. It's what normal people don't see that they don't understand, and I have problems with fatigue, anxieties, feeling overwhelmed, problems with memory, balance/accuracy/strength. Though all this largely affects me when I'm fatigued, though I get fatigued a lot sooner than most people.

I think God brought us back for some reason, He has some purpose, and that gives us purpose and motivation despite the issues we have.

[Wazza84 in reply to James1984]

Hi James1984

Please believe me when I say I’m not looking for sympathy, I was just venting my frustration and the people on here (including yourself) get what I’m going through

[James1984 in reply to Wazza84]

I think you are deserving of it. I think it forms part of self-care for ourselves, because we understand we've gone through a lot of problems, that's not to say we take a victim-mentality, but it helps us cope because many people don't understand us and tend to dismiss us.

[haverfordwest]

I and we on here feel your frustration. It's not often that the results of my tbi get to me but when it does, look out! To be left with one problem would be enough but to factor in the memory, speech, balance, multi tasking, the list goes on... As for multi tasking I would just be glad to complete 1 task properly !!! When you feel everything is against you just stop what you're doing and chill, whatever you were doing will still be waiting for you afterwards but you need to stop and give your brain a rest. Sit and have a cuppa, shut your eyes and don't focus on anything, help your brain to re charge. Good luck and don't worry I think we all need to rant occasionally.

[Wazza84 in reply to haverfordwest]

Hi Haverfordwest

Sad to say but it’s good to know I’m not alone.. I do take time out to reenergise myself when fatigue & brain-fog kicks off

[bbharry]

Hey Wazza first of all well done for writing your post, we all know how hard that can be on a good day! & I wouldnt say you are feeling sorry for your self at all, people like us suffer horribly everyday and every single symptom of brain injury is savage and only we know exactly how horrible it feels to suffer these things all day, everyday and look 'normal'. Goodness knows some days you just want to scream, if you have the energy! We are not just brain injury survivors we are warriors that go into battle everyday, some days are more like wars but we still continue to fight and for that you should feel proud of yourself. Sorry to sound cheesy but we all deserve a medal for what we live with! Give yourself a pat on your back and sending you healing hugs

[Wazza84 in reply to bbharry]

Hi Bbharry

Just reading your reply has picked up my mood..

It’s rare for me to post on social media about my brain injury as none of the people on my socials have a brain injury but I feel here is a good place to vent and get info off other survivors

[bbharry in reply to Wazza84]

I am really pleased to hear that Wazza84 I hear you and same I don’t know anyone personally who has a brain injury so this forum is great for peeps like us to comfort and support each other. Life is tough for us and we need to vent like anyone else so things dont get bottled up so I am glad you wrote your post today and your mood is better, thats made me smile too

[Lite75]

I’m sorry you’re having a bad time right now.

Things overwhelm me at times and it’s very difficult to come to come to terms with.

I won’t say the obvious, trite things as you’ll probably feel like thumping me, and I get that too.

I had a brain abscess and stroke 14 years ago and the feelings and after effects seem to last forever-that’s when I get overtired and really down.

My son always says “ have you been getting enough rest Mum”. I know I haven’t as my speech always tells me, and everyone else. My speech was the most affected by the illness but I could only say two words after the surgery-I have had a lot of speech therapy and now can speak quite clearly-when I don’t get too tired! -then I struggle to get words out. I try to use words I had always used but my Speech Therapist said, “try to break down words. It does work. My sister is a linguist and she helps me with that too.

So please don’t give up when you feel like this-keep looking up if you can-I know that is not easy though and you’ll probably feel like “what does she know about it !

You have my empathy-it’s a pig of a life sometimes-and I shout at myself and my speech, movement and my awful left handed writing -I’m naturally right handed! I find it difficult to open things, put things out to eat and find it embarrassing to eat in front of people, but most people understand and want to help if I need.

Two of my grandchildren are especially helpful and are always keen to help-they’re 18 and 13 and are the lovelies kids you could know.

Good Luck Wazza84 and please don’t give up although that’s really difficult at low times.

[Wazza84 in reply to Lite75]

Hi Lite75

It seems every person I communicate with who has brain injuries has a story to tell and they seem like they’re going through or have been through/experienced the exact same things as myself and I’m not alone in the way I feel.

I seem to get this way (down, depressed, sad, whatever!) once or twice a year, I don’t know why and it can get frustrating.

[ObiWanKeslowly]

bless you brother. I'm 10 years locked in, looking out. reading the comments too. wow some1 actually understands. lots of love

[Wazza84 in reply to ObiWanKeslowly]

Hi ObiWanKeslowly

That’s why I put this status on here on not socials, The people on this forum understand what I’m going through

[Graceissufficient]

It's entirely legitimate to grieve.

[Teazymaid]

when I read post like these I know I’m not going bonkers … it is real .. not that I want anyone to feel like this but unfortunately we do and this place is the best place to let off steam as no one outside of this have a clue .. 🥴

[Wazza84 in reply to Teazymaid]

Hi Teazymaid

I fully understand what you’re saying… it is good to hear I’m not the only person going through this as sad it is that I’m not the only one going through it..

[Teazymaid in reply to Wazza84]

Yes trying to deal with difficult situations is helped by talking to others that actually do understand .. not one person on here wanted to be here . I actually worked with a guy who had a TBI and would do 24 hour shifts with him but I know now I didn’t have a clue what he was dealing with .

Since my accident I have found myself doing things in a certain way that has reminded me of him .

I don’t want to be in this group with a TBI but I am here and it has as I keep saying helped me more than i could have ever imagined and I hope I can help others along this pathway .. from a young age I decided to make something good out of the darkest moments and I’m hoping good will come out of my accident .. don’t know what yet but got to keep trying ..Sue 😊

[Nemo24]

Please don't apologise, you're in best place to vent your feelings. Am sure I and others in the group have felt same too. It's a roller coaster of life. Take one day or one hour at a time if it helps. Tomorrow I plan to go outside & have walk in park. Taking lots of deep breaths.

[Wazza84 in reply to Nemo24]

Hi Nemo24

Thanks for the reply & funny you should mention that you plan on going for a walk as one of my nieces asked what I’ll be doing tomorrow and said she want to go for a walk with me up the canal. 😁

[GCS3]

Hi everyone, I've just read Wazza84's post from 2 days ago, and all the replies. My son had his ABI 34 years ago (just before his 21st birthday). He has lived with us ever since, and for that reason I can identify with all the individual "postings" on this forum. It is particulary helpful to read the thoughts, experiences and feelings from other ABI survivors. The mention of the frustration, anger, loneliness, isolation, the constant battle each and every day, the lack of understanding / awareness - from society in general, but also including the medical profession - just all sounds so familiar - but the battle is my son's.

The various types of diversions we have used over the years have included music (soothing and slowish rather than lively and stimulating), comedy (many different genres but we always have a good laugh at Monty Python / Fawlty Towers), getting outdoors (parks / seaside / rambling) and board or card games. If you are able to use a computer then there's pretty-much an endless supply of every possible subject you can imagine on YouTube. Visit anywhere in the world / go on a safari / go sailing / "drive" through the Lake District .... etc.

In the world of traumatic brain injury there will always be more questions than answers or solutions, and our "why did this happen to me" questions are unlikely to be answered. So we have tried to accept our situation as positively as possible, and proactively move forward - one day at a time.

I hope that some of the suggestions will help someone. Sending hugs to all who need one x