I have recently posted on here and got many advises on how to cope.
Basically to take meds, to follow my heart, to move etc. These are all great advises and I will seem ungrateful, but the reason I am posting here is to talk to people, to share and to connect. I am not looking for a menthor or guide, I am looking for a - lets call it - transition companion. I know I am going through a change and that change is very difficult for me. It is unbearable and impossible very often. It is not connected to brain injury only, it affects every part of my life.
I often get advises and reminders that others has it worse, that I should be grateful to even have a partner I can rely on, that I have family etc. I know intentions are good but I feel shamed by this. For this reason I thought I will post again, maybe last time and will show and explain that I am looking for connection. Maybe I do not express myself clear enough in english, as you know it is not my first language (which I have also been reminded of in here), but I am trying to find someone who has similar experience. Just because we all had/have brain injury it does not mean we know all about another person's case, story, feelings, situation etc. I often receive messages or answer to my posts which show only understanding and "virtual hugs" - this is great, this is the best thing about this forum.
I have gone a long way, it is now 2,5 yrs after my surgery, believe me I have talked to dotors, I have done research, I had tested my blood, I had seen therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, neurologists. I have talked to priest, I have gone through herbasl treatment by monks, I have tried exercise, I have done rehabilitation, I have checked my vitamins level, I tried to eat healthy and stayed hydrated. I have done all and more to help myself.
But sometimes I still find myself in a dark place where I can only be needy, complaining, even arrogant or rude sometimes. But this does not define me.
I struggle, I do and I know this is probably the most personal post I am writing here, but I want to thank everyone for their advises and ask to stay connected. Make time to listen to another human being, it does not have to be me, but this is my message to everyone who struggles, I want to connect. Not only advise or guide, but connect.
It is my deep feeling that this is the core of healing process - ability to stay connected to other people. Just because we all have brain injury it does not mean how another person feels, and what helps us may not help the other person. Let's just stay connected!