Was reading a post that Jules wrote a couple of days ago and it got me thinking. I didnt reply due to being in a bad way.....physically not mentally.
The post mentioned not fearing dying. Well I have had the same lack of fear for a few years and like Jules this doesnt mean I am planning om dying anytime soon.
Maybe this change was due to battling depression or my bi I unsure.
Well thats when I made the big mistake of talking to others about this lack of fear.
My close family already know of my lack of fear of death. The others around me obviously didnt.
The looks on their faces and the onslaight of how I should feel was overwhelming.
Yep I now have a few less friends ....oh well it was worth it to find out who is really a friend.
Why should I fear death ? Surely it is the one guaranteed thing we will all receive. Like I said I do not plan on leaving here just yet but I honestley do not fear it. Yes I will go kicking and screaming from this world. This is only due to loving life amd mot the fear of dying.
Thats all of beingorbid for now.
Pax
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paxo05
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I think it was Dylan Thomas who said ' do not go gently into that good night, but rage, rage against the dying of the light'. Death has no fear for me either, but I don't like the thought of any pain that comes with dying. Lets just enjoy what we can whilst we are here, death is inevitable but not worth stressing over!
I experienced a weird one during illness 4 years ago. At one point, my legs and feet were white and frozen for a few days an I felt utterly lifeless. Not even hot water bottles made a difference. It got so bad that one particular night, I was lying in bed, bundled up, cold all over with only a core of warmth in my stomach. It really did feel like my body was shutting down. I felt so tired and ill and just wanted to sleep. I remember thinking' I'm not too bothered if I don't wake up again'. The thought rather shocked me when I woke the next day, feeling a little better. I think sometimes, physical illness can grind you down to a stage where you are so exhausted and ill that you simply do not care, one way or another.
More recently, with the sepsis, when I did not feel as ill but got discharged too early and ended up back in for retreatment, my thoughts were ' For God's sake, hospital, get rid of this properly, I don't want to leave the planet yet !' I think I was 'with it' enough for the 'survival' instinct to have kicked in this time ! : ))
I suspect a lot of people don't truly fear death as such but would prefer a neat, quick process. However, that does leave the untimely problem of coming to an abrupt stop, before you have finished all you wanted to do and said goodbyes. Then there is the question of is there a right time for life to draw to a conclusion. Some will know in themselves when it is due and welcome it, some will wish for it but have to travel on longer than they want to, others will never want it to end.
Quality of life, effects of illness and psychological state have a big part to play, I feel. What is bearable for one person, may not be tolerable for another. Hope and the possibility of improvement is also a factor. I can understand the reason for Switzerland's ethic, in the case of severe, untreatable, progressive illness. Slipping into a whole other topic, there.
Right, lightening up time ! It is fine today, so planning on painting some fenceposts with masonry paint on my time off ( Good stuff, better than watery fence preservatives : sticks like 'you know what' to a blanket lol ! ) Let's hope I do better than on Tuesday, when I hauled out the metal can from the shed, only to realise that the contents were pouring out from a rusted hole in the base ! Spent that afternoon cleaning out an old plastic paint container to transfer the mess into, aided by a table spoon, followed by much scrubbing of rather green flags !
I am not afraid of dying either and I am always amazed how horrified people are when I say this. I simply believe that when it is time for me to die it will happen and until that time comes, even I wanted to (which I don't) there is nothing I could do to hasten or slow the process. Death is just a part of life and it is what happens between birth and death that counts.
I honestly thought my last moments had arrived when I had the SAH. I could feel myself fading fast but fought to verbalise my love for my children. I felt no fear, just anxiety that I wouldn't be able to speak those words...…..and then just acceptance and relief when I managed them.
And I prayed for death whilst waiting for an ambulance when I was in agony with the brain swelling of meningitis ; fairly common I expect where extreme pain is involved. Strange actually, as I'd been so obsessed with the fear of dying throughout my teens that I was too afraid to even say the word and started on antidepressants aged 16 !
Then life happened, and my focus switched to more material matters and the concerns of parenthood .....................and so much more.
I now feel the empty place I inhabited during the first weeks after the SAH was a sort of rehearsal for the real thing, and not having religious fears of an 'afterlife' I expect nothing more than nothingness when my time's up.
My only regret is the pain which others are inevitably left with after the loss of a loved one.
Thanks for this Pax ; it's cheered me up no end !! xx
Gosh, you just reminded me Cat, I missed out a very important factor that might influence the fear - beliefs and faiths. Religions, afterlife, reincarnation etc. x
Yes Angela ; it's hard to decide whether belief makes things easier or worse. I used to wish I had a belief in God and the afterlife so that death wouldn't seem so final, but quite honestly I'm not sure I could face even more existence !
And fear of the devil used to terrify me as a child in case I went to Hell for some terrible misdemeanour such as telling a fib or thinking unkind thoughts ! xx
Death does not worry me either. I suspect the fear is eradicated when one has been so close to death and has managed to survive. A deep appreciation of life becomes evident in all we see and do.
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xx
how do people cope
You might find this funny. I did
