Just read the 'Spoons' theory. So, so true!!!

When i first read this article, it was like hearing a similar theory that my sister had to work through when she was applying to be a foster parent. Her course trainer had asked the group, to list the most important thingsin they're lives at that moment. And to now remove 5 out of the 10 listed. They were stumped, but slowly they struggled on, They were then told, remove another 5.....this left them with 'NOTHING'. That's how a child in foster care is when they are placed with you.

Now I know, this is thinking totally outside of the Fibro box, but i realized on reading this analogy this is so true in our day 2 day living. We take for granted what we really appreciate in life, and always assume nothing will change.

I have learnt to live with the most weird, and ridiculous worries, that i now link to Fibro. As the tablets can give you more other problems to add your already long enough list.

I have :Foulest taste in the mouth. Yep, i wake up with this, but even after a cuppa, breakfast, brushing of the teeth and mouth wash, after about 10 mins, that taste comes back.I am forever carrying round in my bag mints and menthol chewing gum. I worry when i am taking to my colleagues,' is my breath smelling??. I check out they're body language to see if i am right. If someone takes a back step while we are chatting, i think i am the reason. Reality is, they to, may actually have bad breath lol...or maybe let a stink bomb drop lol

Tinnitus....so bloody annoying when your trying to sleep. The sound gets higher and higher when everything's so quiet. This is all day long though. A constant high pitch sound in my head.

Achy,and soo painful feet,. When i stand up and try to bare my body weight on my feet, It feel like my bones have crumbled overnight.

Whether is 1st thing in the morning, or after i try to get up from sitting down during the day, my 43yr old body, feels 90yrs old.

My knees & lower back, fthey also Feel like they are also about to crumble....but i know, (as my pain psychologist has told me) i am NOT going to die of it.

In 2010- Feb 2011, I was seeing the neurosurgeon from Southampton hospital for over a year. Many MRI and CT scans and showing that degenerative disc disease was present in upper and lower back, they were going to operate and put a cage in to strengthen the damaged discs injured from the car accident. After seeing me though to discuss dates, on seeing how badly my pain was to moving even with a morphine patch on, he realised, that the operation was not guaranteed to remove my pain.He said he had to feel confident that such a lengthy and sensitive op would be of benefit to me. He cancelled the op that day. I was gutted, but did see where he was coming from.

(Men - Warning: look away if prudish)

Because of the lower back problems.... the following also happens.

When i finally do out of bed, then slowly hobble to the bathroom after managing to get up in the morning, I hope to god that my bladder does not decide to leak before i get there. Afterwards, I lean over our bath a little so my hair can be washed

Leaning over i try to tell myself is a stretching exercise to assist me, but then mind tells my bladder 'Ohh you still have a bit of wee behind, time to empty NOW!!' Then i then stand up, gravity causes me to leak. Most embarrassing i can tell you.

My knees are very weak and give way, but they hurt so much that i have to PULL mysef up the stairs to the only bathroom in the house. Not to sure how long this can really go on. Coming down the stairs, Its a side ways, one by one step at a time thing. Takes ages also.

I had until this week had to learn to deal with hyper-sensitivity only really to my right upper arm. This followed an insect bite while on holiday last November. I, ended up, as i have said before with Hep A???? How did i manage that one. As if Fibro isn't enough, it thought i needed something else to work with.

Now my left arm has the same symptoms. Its alway been painful, bur now as the same sensitivity problems. Anyone that sits next to me, and maybe brushes against my skin, it causes me to recoil. I feel so bad at having to slowly draw myself away (as have done with my mum and mother in law very recently). They are sat next to me trying to read something on my laptop for instance. They lean over, and just brush they're skin on mine. I am left feeling like i have been given the biggest thump to my arm?? When i can bare no more, i have to bluntly 'apologize', but then ask them to move away a little. I am sure they think i'm potty, bit i know they know i really do feel it as pain.

Bowels...some of the tablets (opoids) you have to take cause the constipation. So laxatives are used to counteract the negatives a strong painkiller causes.

Brain fog....as I have mentioned before, 'Apologies but the train has left the station.Please , Do stay on the platform and wait for it to come back around again, hopefully very soon!'

I get soooo frustrated with this one.

In my job as a warden working with the elderly, i see dementia an awful lot. The early onset of Alziemers, is frighteningly similar to me at times. I forget the most silliest of things and again ....its just so frustrating.

I don't understand why more recently, even though i am keeping my hands moving whilst typing, my fingers are bloody freezing?

This week, was a truly a spectacular cr*p week, but then yesterday it DID get better.If only for about 1hour

However, because i was in training. and sitting down in a boardroom looking up at a slide show on powerpoint, i today have paid for it. My Neck, back and legs hurt, and all of my energy has gone :-( I really am left feeling like i played football all day.

I am going off to bed to probably lay and have this flippin noise goin on and will be like a chicken on a spit as i try to get comfortable, somehow.

Nite nite all, fingers crossed the sun will shine for us tomorrow, and put just a little bit of a warm glow back inside all of us :-)

XXXXX

3 Replies

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  • I do sympathise with you, Natty - I really do! I guess most of us here will know exactly how you feel, and wish every day that there might be a some ease for us all.

    Not much help I can offer you, I'm afraid - I'm sure you are doing all the right things, so hang on in there - maybe the brighter weather will perk us all up a bit!

    Love from Moffy x

  • Thanks Moffy. I was writing on here some of the things I could remember that bug me so much about fibro. Sorry for whinging :-(

    I am doing it as therapy, to write down so I can get it off my chest. I Hope to use this as a prompt when I get to see the pain psychologist next. I have this look about me that people must think 'what's she on about, she looks fine' I worry that when I go in she'll think, oh she looks good. Reality check : they see people like us all the time who have that normal look, but inside they are crying in pain. I keep bring referred to her because they still haven't got me to stop me thinking " how silly and weak I sound when trying to explain why I can't do something everybody else can'. About learning to be firm, and say 'no' when i really need to instead of keepung everyone happy and not putting me 1st.

    I also really hope to see if we can find some new strategy for me to use. I have the most painful fingers at the moment where I have chewed my nails to within an inch of they're lives. Sooo sore, but its what I do unconsciously when I'm anxious.

    Some people put there're in depth thoughts on Facebook. I chose not to, because it can come across that I am so wrapped up in myself, when this us do not true. On here nobody knows me, but you all have the same pain and frustrations that we can be honest with each other it helps to know your not alone or going mad!

    Today, it's my sons 18th birthday and we are off out to lunch to celebrate. I will put on my smile and and share something that should a be special memory. Today is not about me, I will consume a reasonable amount of alcohol I am sure, todays for Jamie, not me :-)...

  • Well said Natty, I expect we all know where you're coming from and it's good to see you still have your sense of humour after everything you have to put up with.

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