Not for the prudish

[Roxan]

Was just wondering and i really hope i don't offend anyone by asking this but my partner and i had a very healthy sex life before fibro struck however now we find that afterwards my husband really suffers for days afterwards his fibro seems lots worse, i just wondered if anyone else had the same problem or if it's just us?

[fairycazzie]

Hi there

i am not shy to talk about this at all and like you and your hubby we had such a lovley healthy adventorous sex life and now i cannot even remember when the last time was and he never wants to touch me because he feels he will hurt me .

one time i was completely unable to move (he made funny comments blimey is it that good) but obviously it is a problem and it is upsetting but i have managed to over come this hurdle. we are great together so its fine.

the feeling after was i was like a dead body i had to wait for me to come round bit by bit.

my legs can be really bad so this makes positions awkward.

it hurts , it can be painful and the weakness is not nice either and now this is personal (as usually showering after ) became a problem as i can not move!! i ahve absolutely no energy.

my hands are painful , i get awful cramps. my neck hurts more.

so many thngs really and seems after each event can be different too.

i used to say i only have one good week in 4 in my cycle and now am lucky if i have 1 day or half a day and so if the moment comes i just say cup of tea 2 sugars he knows what i mean lol

the other thing he says is if your engine is not working then the key is locked away until it works again. (we are so romantic) hoh

i hope this helps a little and dont feel alone and so long as you are understanding of it all it will work fine as in a marriage in sickness and in health .

i have told my hubby when all things started and realised never seemingly getting better that he was free to walk away from our marriage and find love else where as in his early 40's and me just going 44 now in April i dont want him stuck if things get worse, so he/we agreed i said well you ahd your opportunity so if you do have your eyes turned toward else where then i would have the right to be angry and divorce him.

a partnership if strong enough enough is not all about sex it is about your commitment to one another.

Sorry long reply caroline xxxxx

[gailmarie57 in reply to fairycazzie]

I too have had to face this fact that sex is now a problem, but it started first with my hubby he has arthritis diabetes and high blood pressure, although sex was painful for him at times we did manage of a fashion, until meds interfered and he became impotent. Very frustrating I now know how he feels as I am in pain and couldn't indulge in the acrobatics if I tried we laugh about it and make little innuendos to one another plus lots of cuddles as we have found so long as we keep some form of physical contact the intimacy is still there in our relationship.

We now walk down the path to our twilight years a little sooner than expected but stronger for understanding each other and most of all communicating and not bottling things up. After all one doesn't need to indulge in the acrobatics of sexual intercourse to remain strong and committed to each other, there are other ways of keeping the music playing. Some partners who have not had problems themselves don't seem to understand why or what has caused this to happen and may feel it is their fault or rejected, (I know I did) the partner suffering from the problem may also have feelings of embarrassment and failure, thus making things worse. The main thing is to communicate I know it may be for some a difficult subject, but if you don't communicate how can the problem be solved in a same but different way.

By the way I am 54 and hubby is 60, we have had to come to terms with this problem over the last 8 years, We do indulge with the help of a little green pill but very seldom, as we now have other ways to keep close. Just keep the cuddles going and be inventive but most of all talk don't bottle things over, after all most problems are solved around a conference table.

Gail

[Hidden]

As you all prob know I was msrried for 45 years I will try to put this in ways that wont offend but as a couple you have to explore the aids and use them as a couple and you can have a very good time without the full sexual act there are things you will need todiscuss and set bounderies trust will come back into it andvwhen all else fails light cuddles words of love will carry u thru

[sue32 in reply to Hidden]

I agree totally with this. My late husband's meds caused him to be 'unable to perform', but we always found ways around it!! Sometimes we'd end up in fits of laughter, then realised that just being together, talking, hugging, holding hands meant more to us than anything. I think you have to find what works best for you XXX

[Jjudith]

My problem was when I got Interstitial Cystitis because it makes sex painful. I do have a lovely hubby and we have adjusted - as fadeblossom says you have to explore and find a path for yourselves that is satisfying and keeps the relationship alive and full of love. My own feeling is that if you don't talk about it, it will cause a barrier and it could have an impact on your relationship, so the most important thing is to find a way to talk without sounding critical, without feeling embarrassment, and if you can do this it will bring you closer - and make the new sexual relationship you can and will have fulfulling and meaningful.

[dizzyduck]

Hi, I'm not shy about discussing this subject, as it has affected many people suffering with FM. I have FM, and I can say that before I began my medication journey, with all the different medication try outs until something actually took the edge off the pain for a while. Thing were really great...Now, not only does the pain, and everything else FM get you down, but not being able to enjoy your partner sexually is also added to the list. I believe it is the medication first and foremost, as it had taken away any sexual drive, this would be down to the anti-depressant medication they give you to sleep (not because you are depressed), then when they don't work they give you the tramadol, and with them you can hardly remember who your talking to, let alone what about, then they give you another anti -depressant drug as the sleeping ones are no longer working. You speak with your Gp and consultants and they say "really sorry, it's the side affects of the medication".

So, you realise, this is it, the sickness and in health part, you have as many cuddles and different types of sexual contact, you invest in some fun toys together, and a real nice lub........and you must make your own fun, if you have 2 good days a month, enjoy them to the fullest.

Sorry it was long and drawn out, just wanted you to know you are not alone, we are all here for you and each other.

Giving gentle rubs with baby oil, or scented warm oil, is very nice

XXXXX Dizzyduck

[gailmarie57]

My Gran used to say there is some one out there for everyone, so don't give up hope.

[Hidden]

Its not just the meds....dizzy.....I don't take meds. The issues are still there. Pain is pain...

[SuzyB]

We sometimes go a long time between making love but when I'm feeling up to it my husband understands that we can't perform karma sutra acts but we can normally find one position that allows us to make love with minimal pain. A favourite is him on his side me on my back at almost right angles. I can hook my legs over his hip & this way there is no pressure on my body & he can do most of the work as it were. Hope that's not too much info

[trae]

We sometimes can't as my fibro won't allow me to relax enough.

[justlilme]

i am not shy about this iam 25 and my hubby is 33 we find it hard atm i have alot of pain in my back/neck/hips/legs but we found ways round this. and if its a really bad day for me he understands sex is a no go. i agree sex is not a base of a relationship just part. trae - i find it hard to relax and i hope u dont find this crude but lubes and things in foreplay might relax u. we are all different some days its a no go with me but glad my hubby understands hes good like that. x gentle hugs x

[Roxan in reply to justlilme]

Hi we dont seem to bump in to many people around our age group with fibro im 27 and my husband is 32 he is the one with fibro. Me and Gaz (my husband) have always been close and have always talked about anything and everything and i think this is the first thing in the last 11 years that has ever put anything in between us and i dont know why it does i think it because i cant stand to see him in pain and he tries to hide it from me and put a brave face on but i know him too well and can see how bad he is. We are both learning to live with this and sometimes i dont feel im being supportive enough or doing the right thing i love him so much and just wish i could make him better.