Losing friends

[SuzyB]

Do any of you guys find that your friends from your pre-illness days have vanished since your illness?

suzyb.net/things-aint-what-...

[Ozzygirl64]

Yes I do, but I amnot too bothered. If they could not stick around then they are not worth worrying about. I have made new friends that understand and are a great support xxxxx

[irisjoy]

Hi Suzy

I think my situation is different as i have always had disabilities so have never known me any different apart from pain levels, but then people have always presumed i am in pain due to my "Rolling gait "

I feel sometimes lives take different paths and i no longer see some friends as much but when we do catch up its as if we haven't been apart and carry on where we left off.

Some friends have moved away and we catch up on facebook. xx

[SuzyB]

Maybe I'm just having a low time. I'll kick myself out of it soon

[Sarah-Jane]

Not only that, but colleagues dare not show any interest in my homelife in case I start to tell them of my FM! That has been so hurtful. I was off sick from February to October but not allowed to mention it or anything else going on in my life! The following September, on returning to work having lost my companion and lifeline [English Field Cocker Spaniel] I could barely mention it. Even my new puppy met with resistance.

I am afraid I learned many years ago, not everyone you think is your friend is, but you certainly find out who is when you become ill! Value and treasure them, and try to be that way too!

Those you have lost are not worth it. They are shallow people who were not as good friends as you thought.

Soft hugs

[SuzyB]

Yeah I think it just hurts when I think back to all the times I've been there for them when they've needed a friend

[Hidden]

You lose aquaintances, when times are bad. You find out who your friends are the same way. Sadly, I think the word friend has become devalued, and people use it just to mean someone they know. And in our current hectic, crazy world, many people are just too busy to even stay in touch. I realised a long time ago, that in a number of relationships, if I did the 'lets organise a night out' or made the phone call, or whatever, the other party was very happy to meet up, spend time together and so on. But if I didn't do that, it didn't happen! Well, when I had the energy to spare, it was fine. Now I don't, so they have lost out. But I'm still the same person, I'm still OK, and I don't feel the need to give them any of my spoons! The friends I have now are fewer in number but higher in quality!

[Cat53]

Yes, yes and yes! My mum went on holiday with this women really thought they were good friends. Then mum fell and fractured her hip. This woman didn't visit her once. Sad hey? My husbands accident....the people we thought were friends vanished like magic, others who were just colleagues were supportive and utterly brilliant. My dad died and I would watch people cross the road to avoid us. 'I'm sorry for your loss' is all that's needed. Not that difficult, surely.

[lindylou69]

i think it is very difficult for people who feel "well", to understand what it is like for us to feel like poo. ive even had low moments where i have wished friends could be in my shoes, just for a while. and when they get a cold or a headache, and thier world is coming to an end, i want to say, "oh, you poor thing, it must be dreadful"!! but i have decided that anyone who dare question fibro to me, that i will turn it around and say "some people are so ignorant"!!

[dduncan]

Yes ,since taking ill 12yrs ago I lost my family n freinds and its been me and my husband ever since .They are not worth it and it just shows what knid of people they really are. My husband is the best and I don't know what I would of don wiith out him,I hope you meet some new friends Suzy who will treat you with the respect you deserve and good health for the new year to you all x

[weetam]

Can totally understand where you are coming from and i feel that KazF and lindylou69 have put it very well indeed. I feel you lose a lot of things when bothered with ill health and speaking from experience i would say savings soon go, friends seem to disappear into the wilderness, social life goes, confidence goes, lust for life dwindles and the list goes on and on and on..... : - (( oh my god someone get the hankies quick! lol But you need to keep your chin up pal and try and do the most you can and try to remain positive, easier said than done i know but it is nearly new year and here is hoping that 2013 brings us all better health. Now where did i put that hankies......... I am getting so forgetful that i think i could organise my own surprise party! Aw the best to everyone.(take it easy on the shandies tonight)

[SuzyB]

Many thanks all & here's to cyber friends & a healthier 2013

[irisjoy]

true understanding friends can always be found on here xx

[Saskia]

Suzy,

I thank God for this site. I too have lost so-called friends . Very hurtful at the time but with hindsight and the passing of time I couldn't care less now. When I had to give up work no one came near me... I felt like a leper... and it made me feel totally worthless but my attitude has changed now. I am too tired to explain it all now as I am off up to bed. I can't be bothered to see the New Year in... too tired.

I'll talk with you again on this subject when I am a bit more with it. Just wanted you to know that we all understand and, from reading all the other comments, it seems that it is quite normal for friendships to change. Humans can be so hurtful which is why I love animals so much!

Hope next year is a reasonable one for you with hopefully less pain. Love and hugs Saskia. XX

[nanatre]

I have lost friends because of my doing. I felt I was always doom and gloom. If any of them had good news I think it got to the stage where they were scared to tell me for fear of upsetting me. It got to the stage where it was easier not to talk to them,

I have been having therapy to help me cope with this awful illness and have realised I do need my friends. I have pulled back for long enough. I have contacted 4 of them so far, and all 4 are over the moon that i have contacted them.

Heres to 2013 and heres to friends xxx

[Hidden]

Pre-illness and breakdown i had some good friends/colleagues, when i had my breakdown due to not being diagnosed for years, i cut everybody but family from my life as i suffered from paranoia, gradually some friends have remained in touch, others have kept their distance and only speak to you if you happen to come across them in the street/shopping, i suppose this illness may be perceived as being contagious or people just don't know what to say to me, never mind though, we all may need acceptance and understanding but we don't all get it! Until we accept our-new-selves, no-one else will, be strong "Everyone", i have grown so much as a person that i'm more comfortable with myself now than i have ever been, and thankfully with the support of "my other half" who's amazing,our children who are amazing and extended family and friends who are also amazing, i wish each and every one of you light and love we're all incredibly special, find yourselves and i hope you'll find much more happiness in your lives.

[hunnybee]

Yeah me too I don't have any friends now kinda gets u down sometimes I'd rather have no friends than having fake friends though xhugsx

[fairycazzie]

definately !!!! even the ones i thought were so special in my life too that i had amazing fun too with but just drifted onto new friends.

i find all my friends are atleast 10yrs my junior as they say i am youthful , but now i guess i am so old in body and cannot do hardly half the things i could and i have deleted them and i will not look back as much as their name or a time we spent may come into conversation, if they do not have the heart to come back and apologise then they will never darken my door or my fb again EVER i lose no sleep.

my hubby offered to go round and see one in particular as was disgusted after what we been through as friends and i said NO ..

i do not chase anyone.

i just say 'Goodluck to them in what ever they do ' they lost some one special and faithful in me and it would never be the same again so whats the point.

easy come easy go i say xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx cuddles

[anbuma]

I have lost some friends -mostly thru moving but my dogs are there for me whatever.only friends who wholly understand what we go thru are those on here.

[SuzyB]

Thanks all

[Devonlady]

Not just friends but family to who don't understand my limitations. Sadly you have no choice but to let them go and get on with your life as we all know stress just makes it so much worse. people who trully care about you will adjust to your nes situation and those who don't are not worth your time. Hugs x