OMG I want my life back...

[WutheringSera]

Bonjour all,

So I am new to all this and I apologise in advance for my whining and lack of experience.

I am not sure that this will be of interest to any of you out there but I have been reading some of the messages out there and to be quite honest I found to my surprise to be very comforting ;-D

Where to start??? I have had FMS/CFS for many years and i must admit that I ignored my own suffering/body for many years until March 2011 when I had a "burn out"!!!!

I woke up one morning and my body said NO. I could not walk or hardly move the pain was unbearable and my brain just seemed to refuse to function. My life then was in Paris, with a very demanding full-time job, French husband and teenage daughter.

Then started a downward spiral into what i will call "The French Medical System". To start off I was signed off from work, I was in a wheelchair for five weeks, and then after eight weeks I went back to work for two days a week but of course I was regularly signed off.

I was sent from one specialist to another and as the number of doctors I saw grew so did the list of medication I was taking. I felt so alone :-(((( I was unlucky as I had no support from my husband, my friends just could not or did not seem to understand or even believe me and as for my employers!!!!

All of this ended on the 18 of March 2012, after a year of pain, solitude and loneliness I found myself in a psychiatric ward of a French hospital, I had tried to take my life!!!!

Now I have no memory of how it happened but apparently I was found in a hotel room unconscious. I spent two days in a coma, almost 1 month in the hospital, when I came out of the hospital I came home to England, I am living with my mum. I am separated from my husband and my daughter is with him in Paris. I went back to see her in July and she came to stay for the summer holidays. So here I am back home after living in France for almost 30 years trying to build a new life, understand what happened and move on. I miss my daughter so much but luckily we have face time and Christmas is not far away.

A very happy week end to all.

[Extremelygrumpy]

Firstly welcome to the site... Your title says it all getting help is hard acceptance is hard and however much we try with meds diet lifestyle therapy very few people get the same quality of life back and it is a grieving process. I am so glad you have a relationship with your daughter at least that's some comfort... I found this site very useful first time I posted I was in tears, since then I have had the odd rant but found more comfort from being with people who understand exactly why we get down and celebrate our good times

Hope to see you posting again

VG x

[nanatofour]

Ah bless, Mums are good!!!!! Hope things work out for you. Good luck XXXXX

[rainbowdancer]

Welcome to this site, I have not been here long but this site has changed my life,and for that I am so grateful. You will get lots of support here!

Good luck and Gentle hugs coming your way x

[whyshaw]

Hello, not been on this blog long myself and i just wish i had know about it before now.

The spirit of your story is so like many, many others including my own. You feel let down by the medical community, friends and family. So you find new doc's, new friends and appreciate the family who may not understand but do give you support.

I recently wrote this for a friend, i hope it gives you some comfort:-

To those in need:- This comes from my heart

Depth of Despair

In the depth's of despair

My friend I've been there

Down in a deep black hole

Can't find my way out

So full of pain

Want to be free again

To feel light and happy

Not heavy and sad

There is a light

In the distance

Are you brave enough

To walk in the dark?

Reach out

We your friends are there

To help Guide you

Out of the depth's of despair

WE all understand. Many of us have our own horror stories. But you are not alone.

[WutheringSera]

Thank you for the messages xxxx. Whyshaw, thanks for sharing your poem bought tears to my eyes

[Hidden]

You poor girl, As you have trolled your way through the blogs on here it must be good (in a strange way) for you to know there are others who suffer the same kinds of rejections as you.

I sat last night for 30mins with abottle of oramorph in front of me asking myself should I, shouldn't I, every single time I find 4 reasons not to,my 4 grandchildren, 3 boys and one girl. I see thier faces and it makes me want to see them TOMORROW.

Our first two grand daughters were stillborn, the 1st little girls 7th birthday is approaching on the 30Dec, its a very sad time for me, our second grand daughter was stillborn 16mths later,

Yesterday is past, Accept todays problems as best you can, Face tomorrows problems when they come. One day at a time.

lots of gentle hugs

Susan Y

[Hidden]

Hello and welcome to our lovely forum WutheringSera, you are most welcome here!

Take a look around our Questions, Blogs and Tags, there is a wealth of information there, advice, support, personal experiences and friendship too! Please read our FibroAction Guidelines, you will find these under Blogs at the top, please select FibroAction Blogs and then scroll down. We ask all our new members to read these, many thanks.

If you have any worries or concerns, please do not hesitate to ask us, we are always only too happy to help. We all understand, we are all in the same boat here.

I hope you enjoy your time at FibroAction!

[Hidden]

Wishing you all the very best for your life back in Blighty, it's great to have you here with us, make yourself comfy here! xxx

[Hidden]

Bless you and welcome, I am relatively new and only come on when time, energy etc allows. You are very brave and are learning to adjust which can take time and bring with it many frustrations, but you can do it, you are stronger than you think you are and more! For now take care, be gentle with yourself. Hugs x

[nanatre]

Hiya,

My heart breaks for you. My heart breaks for me, This is a cruel cruel illness, strips us from everything good in our lives.

I am now in therapy trying to come to terms with the new me.

Its not easy, its not pleasant, but it is required to move on.

Use this site and the wonderful people on it, they are so wise and caring, but most importantly, all in the same boat.

Good luck, Gentle hugs xxxxx