Feeling a weird kind of rubbish today

Its difficult to put into words how I feel right now - anxious, nervous, jittery, on-edge and irritable but can't put my finger on why. I just feel like I'm waiting for something awful to happen.

1) I suppose this hasn't been the calmest of weeks. I had a phone call on Monday from my boss, wondering where I was - obviously I was in a parallel universe when on the day she came to visit me at home and I told her I wouldn't be back for 2 weeks. She had been fine about this and had told me I would just need to get another sick-note from my GP because the one from the hospital would run out on the 26th.I thought that was that. Despite all her apparent concern when she came round to see me, she asked me on Monday if I would be able to work again, because of my arm. If she says it again I'm going to ask her where she did her medical degree. I only had the blooming operation a month ago so of course I still have pain and stiffness but it is slowly improving. I feel like I've been written off already and now paranoid that they are trying to get shut of me - they don't get rid of me that easily. I know the sickness procedures and how they should deal with employees on long-term sick because I'm a union rep. This doesn't stop the whole process from being stressful though. I don't like the way our HR is treating the sick and disabled but no one is doing anything about it.

I still haven't had a card from work and I know that's a little thing but after all the charity fund-raising events I organise and all the money I've paid into other people's collections, it upsets me - more so because there is a very nice collection of handmade cards available to buy on our reception - priced from £1.10 to about £1.50 so they don't even have to leave the building!. I know I shouldn't let something like that get to me but it does - that and the comments I had about my injury in the first place. I've always been told what a valued colleague and worker I am - way to go about making me feel like it! I just don't think they understand that the accident has caused a fibro relapse and if I go back too soon I will most likely be off again - which I don't want. Don't get me wrong - I don't hate my job, I don't even hate my manager although I don't like her that much either because I just don't trust her, and I have some really good and supportive colleagues (and a few clueless, "but there is nothing wrong with her," types but 'hey-ho' it's part of the course with invisible illnesses such as ME and Fibro) so I don't know why I am so nervous about my return to work.

2) Neighbours -well for anyone who read my blog about my wonderful new neighbours, episode 2 of NFH has commenced. For the first half of the week, there was hardly a whisper from them, but boy! they sure made up for it last night. From about 7 o'clock onwards, we heard screams, crying, and thundering footsteps On this occasion, I thought I'd let them off cos it was Halloween and the wee bairns couldn't go Trick or treating cos of the rain and I even left a bag of sweets with a little note on their window grid to say so. Today I went out to the bins and they must have bought a new telly which was so loud I could hear every word of whatever programme they were watching from 10 feet away, through a closed window. I'll admit that at that point, the Scorpio in me took hold and I retaliated by playing Bauhaus at full blast for 10 minutes. It had all gone quiet when I turned the music down so maybe they realised that they were being excessive - or Maybe Jeremy Kyle had finished who knows. I feel guilty for slating people I have never met, but it seems that every time I give them the benefit of the doubt, they go and prove me wrong. Anyway we are now looking into Sound Proofing and I am waiting for a couple of quotes. I don 't want the DIY stuff, I want a nice man (or 2) to come round and do it all for us It will be cheaper than moving house and anyway I love my little goth palace and no-one is going to force me to leave it. Besides our house is next to the graveyard and across from the local nick which would probably put a lot of people off though we don't get any trouble from either. Never worry about getting burgled by them cos they're all locked up. Actually at midnight on NYE, we opened the window and listened to them all count down and then cheer.

3) I know this is really daft but I'm nervous about my birthday tomorrow. I don't know why I'm dreading it. My friend is coming to pick me up to take me up to see Jerry - who has managed to lose a flipping shoe and chances of finding it in the muddy field are between low to zero. At least I haven't received any leaflets for 'over 50's' life plans this year - cheek, I'm only 30 something ( plus VAT).

Still I have to count my blessings where I can and I still have 2 legs. I can still ride on occasion and I know there are a few horsey people on here who can't anymore. I can see to enjoy the view from my house (possibly with the aid of earplugs) and well maybe I should be grateful that I can hear things - good or bad.

The Bengals are in the bedroom in disgrace, cos the little monsters were trying to get our tea, if you yell at them, or hiss, they just squeak, run away then attack from a different angle 2 minutes later. Our other 2 cats are very happy about that the kittens are incarcerated. The kittens are not!

And after all that...still got the heebie jeebies.

Storm x

4 Replies

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  • Oh dear, Storm is right!

    When you're feeling rotten it's so easy for everything to seem monumental. The lack of card is mean of them - but that's because you're not there to organize it, shows how invaluable you are. Neighbours from hell, hmmm, I lived next to a family like that for many years, I found the best way to really irritate them was to totally ignore it & be pleasant & charming to them. Eventually things toned right down, they were still a nightmare, but we managed to live in relative peace (I'm not going to say what I would like to have done to them grrrr)

    It all sounds like normal chaotic life! Much as I love being single I do miss the chaos but it's not easy to cope with when you are unwell. As for your birthday, just try & enjoy it if you can, but they do lose their importance as you get older.

    I'm sure things will start looking brighter as your arm improves & you feel better

    Anyway Happy Birthday, hope you get to enjoy it xx

  • Thank you Cobweb. Only time will tell with the neighbours I guess. Had no trouble since I moved here apart from a group of teenagers in the local shop who asked if me and my friend were witches - I wouldn't mind but we hadn't even got dressed up at that time! If the neighbours are as bad as I think they are it should be interesting as they are surrounded on all sides by: a pair of gothy/alt types, a lesbian couple and a black family - hmm watch this space. I only hope they don't target the girls behind us because I'd hate them to be forced to move because of them. My neighbours the other side have moved out and I'm dreading who we'll get next - in fact we are trying to find new tenants who we like, to move in there - course if it is my OH's gaming buddies, I'll never see him!

    Think mid-life crisis is setting in *sigh*

    I suppose I should take my zopiclone and go to bed to see what the birthday fairy brings. My guess is DVD's that are really a present to both of us, and chocolates that he will eat half of us as well lol.

    Friends from work coming round and one of them has a something to tell me, I know she is fed up as well so maybe she's found another job. Everybody is fed up cos the atmosphere is awful but not anything that you could actually put your finger on - its weird!

    Happy Friday

    Storm x

  • Morning Storm and a very Happy Birthday to you I do hope your jitters have gone. Have a lovely day - ignore the neighbours and just relax when your work mates come around. Sometimes we feel unsettled and it all turns out to be just a flash in the pan s they used to say.

    Howis your arm is it feeling better now have you got more use in it?

    Have a good day xgins

  • Thank you Gins. I do feel a little better after speaking to the doctor. I actually saw 2 med students who were lovely. A lady doctor was overseeing them. I got a sicknote/fit note to go back to work on a phased return on 12 November. My arm is hurting intermittently now rather than all the time. Ligaments take a while to heal - I am becoming an expert on anterior sternoclavicular dislocation (or collar bone is out of place to you lot lol)

    The neighbours are practising piano - so I started singing Amy Whinehouse songs.

    Hopefully can get Alice the Yaris back this weekend :-)

    Storm x

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