Its difficult to put into words how I feel right now - anxious, nervous, jittery, on-edge and irritable but can't put my finger on why. I just feel like I'm waiting for something awful to happen.
1) I suppose this hasn't been the calmest of weeks. I had a phone call on Monday from my boss, wondering where I was - obviously I was in a parallel universe when on the day she came to visit me at home and I told her I wouldn't be back for 2 weeks. She had been fine about this and had told me I would just need to get another sick-note from my GP because the one from the hospital would run out on the 26th.I thought that was that. Despite all her apparent concern when she came round to see me, she asked me on Monday if I would be able to work again, because of my arm. If she says it again I'm going to ask her where she did her medical degree. I only had the blooming operation a month ago so of course I still have pain and stiffness but it is slowly improving. I feel like I've been written off already and now paranoid that they are trying to get shut of me - they don't get rid of me that easily. I know the sickness procedures and how they should deal with employees on long-term sick because I'm a union rep. This doesn't stop the whole process from being stressful though. I don't like the way our HR is treating the sick and disabled but no one is doing anything about it.
I still haven't had a card from work and I know that's a little thing but after all the charity fund-raising events I organise and all the money I've paid into other people's collections, it upsets me - more so because there is a very nice collection of handmade cards available to buy on our reception - priced from £1.10 to about £1.50 so they don't even have to leave the building!. I know I shouldn't let something like that get to me but it does - that and the comments I had about my injury in the first place. I've always been told what a valued colleague and worker I am - way to go about making me feel like it! I just don't think they understand that the accident has caused a fibro relapse and if I go back too soon I will most likely be off again - which I don't want. Don't get me wrong - I don't hate my job, I don't even hate my manager although I don't like her that much either because I just don't trust her, and I have some really good and supportive colleagues (and a few clueless, "but there is nothing wrong with her," types but 'hey-ho' it's part of the course with invisible illnesses such as ME and Fibro) so I don't know why I am so nervous about my return to work.
2) Neighbours -well for anyone who read my blog about my wonderful new neighbours, episode 2 of NFH has commenced. For the first half of the week, there was hardly a whisper from them, but boy! they sure made up for it last night. From about 7 o'clock onwards, we heard screams, crying, and thundering footsteps On this occasion, I thought I'd let them off cos it was Halloween and the wee bairns couldn't go Trick or treating cos of the rain and I even left a bag of sweets with a little note on their window grid to say so. Today I went out to the bins and they must have bought a new telly which was so loud I could hear every word of whatever programme they were watching from 10 feet away, through a closed window. I'll admit that at that point, the Scorpio in me took hold and I retaliated by playing Bauhaus at full blast for 10 minutes. It had all gone quiet when I turned the music down so maybe they realised that they were being excessive - or Maybe Jeremy Kyle had finished who knows. I feel guilty for slating people I have never met, but it seems that every time I give them the benefit of the doubt, they go and prove me wrong. Anyway we are now looking into Sound Proofing and I am waiting for a couple of quotes. I don 't want the DIY stuff, I want a nice man (or 2) to come round and do it all for us It will be cheaper than moving house and anyway I love my little goth palace and no-one is going to force me to leave it. Besides our house is next to the graveyard and across from the local nick which would probably put a lot of people off though we don't get any trouble from either. Never worry about getting burgled by them cos they're all locked up. Actually at midnight on NYE, we opened the window and listened to them all count down and then cheer.
3) I know this is really daft but I'm nervous about my birthday tomorrow. I don't know why I'm dreading it. My friend is coming to pick me up to take me up to see Jerry - who has managed to lose a flipping shoe and chances of finding it in the muddy field are between low to zero. At least I haven't received any leaflets for 'over 50's' life plans this year - cheek, I'm only 30 something ( plus VAT).
Still I have to count my blessings where I can and I still have 2 legs. I can still ride on occasion and I know there are a few horsey people on here who can't anymore. I can see to enjoy the view from my house (possibly with the aid of earplugs) and well maybe I should be grateful that I can hear things - good or bad.
The Bengals are in the bedroom in disgrace, cos the little monsters were trying to get our tea, if you yell at them, or hiss, they just squeak, run away then attack from a different angle 2 minutes later. Our other 2 cats are very happy about that the kittens are incarcerated. The kittens are not!
And after all that...still got the heebie jeebies.