Red X - Loan of mobility aids.I dont think I like the outside world anymore.

[tulips123]

Cant remember who suggested trying The Red Cross but thank you! My best friend over the last 44 years got married on Friday. Would've hated to miss this one and without a wheelchair it would've have been impossible. I made it through the speeches and then left them to it.

To be honest, really feeling quite down. So many people I haven't seen for years. Some people have hardly changed if at all, some have certainly aged. Then there's me. Most of us are 'middle aged'. People knew I was in very poor health, but their shocked but friendly greetings were impossible to miss. It's often difficult to cope with such a restricted lifestyle. I get so bored, but I suppose most days I try to get the best I can out of it. Sometimes I can be so pleased with the simplest of achievements I feel quite pathetic. On the other hand, I'm not sure living out there in the real world is all it's cracked up to be either. It's all a constant reminder not just how weak I am, but also how much I am really missing. I am worn out, in horrendous pain, and just wondering how on earth I'm supposed to live day after day like this. I have a brain (sometimes), but I get tired, my memory is getting worse, concentration is not reliable, I used to consider myself to be an intelligent and articulate person, but I keep getting stuck with the wrong words. The right word is in my head, but does not tally with the word on my tongue. I think that's it for now. Goodnight. xx

[susie59]

i understand how you feel, i just wanted to send you a hug, take care,xx

[tulips123 in reply to susie59]

hugs always welcome thank you. goodnight x

[julieevh]

Ohh Tulip I do feel for you. I'm not sure which is worse - the reaction of friends and family who notice the deterioration or the reaction I hve of people telling me I look well (ie they don't believe I could possibly be ill).

Sometimes you just can't win. I want to look as if I'm not feeling at all well but I am trying very hard to be positive and conquer it! Have no idea what that looks like though!

My bf of 16 months has noticed the deterioration in me ... that was so very upsetting; I try so hard to put a brave face on it.

Fibro is a bitch!

Julie xx

[tulips123 in reply to julieevh]

and how! no energy to fight, thank you off to bed now. goodnight x

[hamble99b]

hi Tulip, the simplest of achievements for others can take a lot of effort for us so BE proud! I understand what you mean. I hadn't seen my friend for months and it shocked me to realise how much she did so easily, that I could once do too.

regards, sandra.

[tulips123 in reply to hamble99b]

thank you sandra. dont know what to say, feel empty. goodnight x

[LaurieLee]

If only others would realise that fibro isnt just about pain and fatigue, but it robs you of conversation and social skills. I feel exactly the same, I thought I was intelligent and articulate, but had to give up Open University after doing 4 years. I just couldnt complete the last year as my english had deteriorated so much and sitting at a computer for hours on end was impossible, let alone using my brain. BUT REMEMBER, I have to keep reminding myself this when people talk down to me, YOU STILL ARE AN INTELLIGENT AND ARTICULATE person, you just sometimes have problems explaining yourself when you are bad. I too feel good when I have achieved something small and you should too. Take care and good luck. HUGE HUGS xxx

[tulips123 in reply to LaurieLee]

Thank you. I can see you understand, just feel empty. Urge to go into hibernation very strong. goodnight. x

[hamble99b in reply to tulips123]

snuggle up with your duvet and feel better soon.

regards, sandra.

[flickels]

Hi tulip i'm sorry to say i know just how you feel. I try to avoid people who new me when i was younger. Back then i was a size 6 but now am a size 22 & i hate myself. But anyway i saw a doctor a few weeks ago who told me i have mind fog! It's one of the fibro nasty presents. Ta Ta Flick