Although my partner (Paul) is fantastic he has to take on my housework at times and deal with my speech problems - which we do laugh about as the way i mix up my words is comical, But all laughter aside i feel i will always feel like a weight on his back.
How do you cope with the guilt/??
I regret that I am something of a burden at times to those I love. But I have never done anything wrong so I don't feel guilty, just sorry that I encumber them.
Try to lose the feeling of guilt Rachie, it is a negative and pointless emotion that will only diminish your well being. Thank those who help you and let the guilt just flutter away in the breeze because you and I both are innocent of any wrong doing - we never did wrong to get Fibro - we just need to continue to find the strength of character to survive it with a sense of dignity and a sense of humour.
Julie xx
Oh hun you must not feel guilty in no way are you at fault for having Fibro it challenges all sorts of people to change their lives . You need to accept and love your partner for the strength he gives you and as Julie says your strength and courage will help you to live life to the full . Keep smiling 
x gins
i can't really answer this as i always feel guilty, lose cont of the amount of times i say sorry in a day. If you find a way let me know PLEASE!!!
xx
I think it depends on how the person helping reacts. If they just do what you need no hesitation then you've no need to feel guilty. It's when they puff and blow and shake they're head that makes you feel guilty. So it's not you!!!
My husband is amazing, but sometimes I feel like all he does is care for me!! we are in our early 40,s and didnt expect this type of thing just yet!! my husband works fulltime, comes home to do teas then dishes and baths and all the housework, gardening, ironing etc, etc! I feel guilty, but my husband says he loves me and wants to look after me!! I want to be his wife not his patient. So feel guilty about that!!
Oh I so relate to this but just lately my husband has become extreemly tired and I think he resents me /my illness. He actually says I have a brilliant life compared to him. ......
I am lucky my man gives me support and in fairness researched fibro before we got together and still decided to move in,, But like you Jomple i sometimes feel like a patient rather than a lover but we do laugh an awful lot and take the micky out of the situations i get into.
sharonissexy.i too always say sorry all the time but he gets frustrated at me lol, i guess it's getting a balance, we went to couples counelling after i took an overdose and it did us wonders and we are stronger than ever.
You are all very kind and just what i need is to chat with people the same as myself xx
No, the guilt never leaves me! I choose to live alone then I don't have to say sorry to anyone ... at least, not very often.
My daughter pops in and helps me with things I can't manage, but I don't feel too guilty about that, as there are things I can do for her.
I think all this guilt is a 'woman' thing. Men seem to accept disability and dependency far better than we do, 'cos they're used to women doing things for them.
My late husband was disabled, and he had no problem at all with me waiting on him hand foot and finger, and in fact would shout at me if I didn't look lively fetching something he wanted.
He never once said sorry, but what he DID often say was that I was kind to him, and I really appreciated that.
I think we should all stop saying sorry for something we can't help, but carry on showing our appreciation and happiness for any kindness we receive!
Your a strong lady and i hope to have your strength one day xx
my partner makes me feel guilty,society makes me feel guilty,the government makes me feel guilty,the dwp makes me feel guilty, atos make me feel guilty,it would be nice if someone made me feel like i didn't feel the need to be guilty just for being ill,it isn't like i walked into tesco found fibro on the shelf and stuck that in my basket along with some other health problems on top of that ,it chose me not visa versa...
I will be candid here but how can you stay with someone who doesn't respect your illness surely to love someone is to research the illness and do thier level best to understand, My ex husband didn't bother to read up on it and i would work hard as an assistant manager at millets and walk home and still have to cook and clean. I used to fall asleep at the cooker or on the stairs and still no support so i left finally also due to other stuff. I hate the way people think you are exaggerating your problems just for attention. They will never know but then i have learnt that if they don't mater to you then you dont care for their opinions. Try to stay positive honey xx
I think that is very well put electricjaws. I was just talking to my friend who is helping me out with my ATOS appeal etc and the word that I used to describe how I feel about myself and being unwell at the moment is "Ashamed". And this is all down to ATOS and the DWP forcing me to prove that I am really unwell (not just pretending). Now even if I have a good day and think I will do housework or walk the dog my instant thought is "but then ATOS will say if I can do that, then I can obviously work". I am now constantly aware of everything I do the implications involved and I am scared to do anything positive. Isnt it exhausting and so sad. I hate this feeling and Yes, I also feel guilty because I have to rely on my son to do my gardening, which he does resent and does not often do, so my gardens front and back look dreadful which can't be pleasent for the neighbours and to be honest I just cannot keep my home tidy properly. I just tidy it on the surface Still at least theres an upside to having no visitors, no one gets to see it lol. Sorry for joining in on your problem Im having a bad week. xx
cheers lovey, i hate it when people think you are doing it to get attention,i am sure there are more pleasant ways of getting attention,for example becoming a nympho,riding your bike naked down the high street in broad daylight,pulling your undies down and wee-ing in a shop!!! becoming a serial killer, repeatedly going on jeremy kyle!!,all more pleasant and painful ways of getting attention!!NOT B*****Y BECOMING ILL WITH FIBRO!! i am not a bad person i am in pain and feel like c**p 24/7, i am not going to apologise for this to anyone ever again as from today, xxxo i shall take your advice and try to stay positive love ej x
The way i say it if i have to explain is that i have a body of a 70 year old and that i work at about a healthy persons 80% and that is equivalent to my 100%, No body has the right to judge me. I'm a lovely person with a wicked sense of humour and it's other peoples loss and they are not worth the space in my head hehe.
Please talk to me whenever you need i have broad shoulders so can take a rant or too xx
I'd love to pee in a shop! and do you think riding a bike naked with a warm coat on [I get cold} would be as attention seeking? I haven't the energy to be a nympho! I could always pee in an atos interview...
sandra.
yes but does pee-ing fit any of the descriptors??!!!
cheers petal, you can talk to me also anytime x
You might not like my rants as even i get confused with them my brain and my hands write different things lol xx
rant away anytime!!, it is better than anything you can get on the n.h.s,i went to the shop yesterday to get a paper (needless to say ,minding my own business and chuffed that i had managed to do this,on my mobility scooter) got the paper and there were two women i know outside the paper shop,one i like and one is the village gossip, there were a few people mooching around,and the gossip turned to me and said" you look well in a sarcastic voice" ,i said "well looks are deceptive", she said" oh well i s'pose there are worse off than you", i said in a very loud voice" yes they are dead ,
and maybe you would do well to heed your own advice when you are banging on about your one varicous vein, and drove off on my mobility scooter!!"
anyway the nice lady came to see me last night to see if i was okay and to tell me she totally agreed with me ,and just to let me know she herself was trying to get away from gossip lady and she more or less ambushed her !! and it was nice because she said how someone looks and how someone feels are entirely different and she has a neice with fibro who is 50 and is about on a par with me, and that she just wanted me to know that she didn't like the varicous veined one either!!!!
lol you should have run her over and said " feel like shit?" well now you have a merenincling to how i feel xx
Wish I had someone's back to put my weight on!!!! Enjoy it - you deserve it!!! If I loved someone I would help them too - that's what love is!!!!!!!
Many years ago, someone whose wisdom I respect discussed guilt with me. He asked me had I ever truly thought " right you b**d, I'm going to say/do this and it'll really upset you or hurt you deeply, or make your life miserable" ? No? then I should not feel guilty over things, we are all innocent and can only be the way that we are. I might not have explained this well [he did] .
No i understood it and recently have started to just ignore my rising guilt and praise myself for my strength instead Unless i'm having a particularly useless day xx
Rach, I'm glad the girls were able to give you such brilliant advice and chat and a good laugh too, I'll be thinking of doing a pee in their office next time I go for an esa or maybe dla exam, it'll make me laugh out loud, but laughing and good chat besides does anyone know where you can get help for your brain, mine is letting me down so much its bringing me down, surely theres something that can help with fibro fog?, and no I dont feel guilty either, its great that everyone here does'nt think twice about doing their bit and more, I've done it mostly by myself for 30 years, I think its about time dont you?, but I do wonder where this is going to take me, that's all, gentle hugs xxxxx
hi honey sorry about the late response, I swear by ginko baloba for my brain fog and both my daughter and boyfriend say they notice the difference, I get mine from morrisons. You can but give it a go. Xxx
Hi
I don't think I feel guilty just very angry and frustrated that I can't help out more. Hubby is great and says he doesn't mind but I think occasionally it does get to him. He has a hard full time job and without complaint comes home and makes us a lovely meal. I think this dam illness gives us so many reasons to be angry but try not to feel too guilty, it isn't your fault.
Hugs xxxxx
I don't know the answer to this but I to feel guilty all the time which is energy we don't have to waste. This illness affects every part of our lives and others lives Something that isn't measurable in the pain scale. X
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