Fibromyalgia Action UK

Does It Annoys You?

That due to your disabilities, or health problems, you are mostly house bound so relatives phones at the last minute knowing you will be home when they are out and about, sometimes out of town/city, and assume that you can look after their house and pets overnight as they've decided to stay overnight somewhere?

I really hate being taken for granted, well I can't type the words I want to say in an open forum but you can all make a pretty accurate guess at what they are, and even though I don't mind helping out I hate it when it's assumed I will do it without actually being asked if it's all right or if I'm feeling well enough to actually do it?!!

No warning given. At all.

My brother and his family decided to go to Edinburgh for the day today, and just phone my Mum to say they are staying overnight to take the kids to see a Panda or something similar tomorrow and he wanted us to go take the cats in as they let them out when they left, feed them, lock the house up and then let them out in the morning because they don't know when tomorrow they are coming home yet.

Strangely enough, common sense says that Edinburgh would be full up during a holiday weekend so he must have booked rooms for him, esp. as it's a family of five and I can't believe a hotel would have a vacancy at the drop of a hat (and he is staying overnight at a hotel). He hasn't remembered to phone before hand and his wife has probably asked if he remembered to phone and ask us to look after things this weekend and he hasn't and phones assuming we have no plans or life which can take precedence.

It's so irritating. I know I don't have the health and energy to go out for the day let alone have a real holiday but I find it more than frustrating that it is assumed that a phone call, even at the last moment (and that's happened more often than I can count) to look after his house and his pets. I find it totally P**ed off that he now assumes we will take care of his house/pets every Easter, October and for the summer holidays (at least 5 weeks to 5 and a half weeks) while he swans off to his holiday home in France. He doesn't ask now, he just announcing when he is leaving and assumes we will be house/cat sitting while he's away.

It just irritates me. I hate being taken for granted. Just saying please, or can you, or do you feel well enough, would make all the difference but it never happens. It's generally an announcement and bye, off he goes to wherever he wants.

I just hope for his sake he understands when my parents are no longer with us, so to speak and totally dreaded it, that I can't handle looking after his house, pets as well as my own due to my disabilities. Common sense would dictate so but he never seems to take it into account when he phones our Mum with these favours despite the fact I'm the only driver in our house and his house is too far away to walk to.

Sorry for the rant. But I'm feeling lousy today and was looking forward to a quiet relaxing day without having to go out, I hurt all over and feel completely 'blah' and cant even get the energy to ask my Mum to wash my hair as I'm too sore to lean over to have it done.

Yuck. I feel yucky and ache all over. Bad day to ask for a favour, or rather assume we would do it. I doesn't help that when I try to explain how I don't feel up to doing it I'm the bad selfish one who gets the cold shoulder and snapped at by our Mother?!!

So annoyed.

Again sorry for the rant. Can't do it out loud as mentioned above due to being the 'bad' selfish sibling. Feel bad enough without getting the cold shoulder and cutting remarks.

4 Replies

God love you, the next time you see your brother you should explain all you put here about yourself and your 'disabilities', and explain that sometimes, no, most of the time you are so sore you just dont' feel you have the energy to do anything for anyone, and that you are happy for your brother that he can get away for holidays, but you are not always able to oblige, even if your Mam doesn't fully understand the complexities of this, and you would have appreciated anytime he did leave word for you to look after his house, if he asked you directly so you could let him know yourself if you could oblige or if you felt you just were'nt strong or healthy enough to do it for him.

I mean I could understand him chancing his arm if he brought you away on holidays with him a few times a year, because siblings sometimes do that scratch each others back thing esp., regardless whether you could manage house and cat sitting at all, could he bring the cats down to your Mam's house while he's away?

I keep saying to everyone or have said to everyone (family) that I'm not really a phone person, (mam and dad is dead) so everyone does not expect me to call them regularly, though truthfully, at all most of the time, plus when my own family (bros etc) ring me I warn everyone to say I'm out/ in bed/ busy /, unless of course I'm not, and I'm not in too much pain, and I FEEL like taking the call, of course I like to talk to them occasionally, but I find their conversation, slightly depressing, really and just wont suffer it. Of course I will talk to my son that's living away anytime, I enjoy talking to him and he does'nt bore me to tears or expect me to stay on the phone for 2 hours (tyring) sis, or spend 3 mins talking the other two telling me what he's making for dinner (more boring), (bro)

In other words I suit myself, I do what I can do whenever I like to and if I don't feel like I just won't flipping cave in for anyone, I'm too long in the tooth for that, and I don't care who does'nt like it, they can lump it.

Did your brother never hear of a cattery?, they are very cheap to use, we used one that took our dogs and cats anytime we went away, they loved it, althoug we thought they missed us, (you always do), but get a phone number of one next time your brother is going away for a week or more and hand it to him, do cats come when you call them, I love cats ( and dogs) but when they're not your own it's different,

Anyway hope you're not suffering too much pain now love take care xxx


Yes it annoys me.

I was so ill in novemeber and it lasted two months so people dont ask me much now. I still offer when i feel up to it as i have told my family i promise that i would tell them that i wasnt up to doing favours for them.

I know how mad you are though and its so bang out of order for expecting anyone to be at their beck and call.

Its so hard not to let people down though isnt it.

hugs, kel xxx


Mine know better not to now.. Worse thing is these cold calls. Struggle out of chair to answer them and then there;s noone ther;. Inconsiderate. Have given them all keys to let themselves in as it takes me ages getting to door.


Just ask yourself, would they come and help you if you need help.... For whatever reason, at short notice? If the answer is no...... Then that's the answer you should give them. Sorry if than sounds harsh.... But why should you be used? Sending ((((((hugs)))))) xxx


You may also like...