rollercoaster!!

talk about an emotional rollercaster!! went out last night to support a friend doing a firewalk for charity, i was meeting her there but when i got there she was in a health saftey lecture so i went into pub on my own!!

havent done this for years, got really anxious as very busy and no where to sit and noone i knew. ended up having panic attack and having to get out as quick as i could!!

i arrived home 35 minutes after id left!! evry emotion then errupted, from anger and frustration to embarrasment and self pity/loathing!!

today im a mess, im exhauseted and hurt more than normal. im so down in the dumps, but most of all, im hating seeing myself in the mirror!! i know it sounds strange but i dont recognise what im seeing, its like im looking at a stranger......so down and fed up x

4 Replies

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  • I understand....mentally & physically this experience has worn you out, it was something you wasn't used to doing, it you out of you comfort zone, so no wonder you are feeling horrible to day, and maybe tomorrow too. One of the main things is you did it you managed to go in the pub and get yourself back home on your own, that was really big steps to take, so well done, you did alot more than I could have done. Put your feet up & fingers crossed you feel alittle better with yourself soon. Take care:) Angela.xx

  • Gentle hugs Nadine, panic attacks are just horrible and really draining .

    Don't hate yourself , you can't help what you have. As an agoraphobic I truly empathise .

    I was supposed to go to the council today but in the end I just couldn't force myself out of the door , so my fiancé had to go instead.

    Be kind to yourself for the rest of the day and you'll hopefully feel a little better tomorrow.

    xx

  • oh hun how awful for you :(

    just message me hun on fb if you want a chat ,hope you ok

    thinking of you big gentle hugs coming your way :)

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • I feel for you. Last year when I had no control over getting out and about I began to panic at the thought of meeting people I didn't know. I knew I had to get out and about, but my husband saw my need for a wheelchair differently. Long story short, after I explained my need I slowly overcame my fears - but I needed my friends and family to help.

    Did your friend know and understand how you would feel in the situation she left you in? If so, she should be ashamed. If not, you do need to explain. You can get over this, but you need help. Years ago after my first born I became agrophobic for a while. But don't let it take hold of you - if you can avoid it, life is so much better!

    Next time you plan to go out, arrange for someone to be with you from the start. Maybe your friend could have picked you up and then gone out with you? Whatever happened and went wrong last time, find a way around to save getting in such a position again.

    If you do ever find yourself in a similar position, hide yourself from it. Sound odd? Well do you ever find you are only partially there if you are chatting on your mobile? That's what I am suggesting. Ring someone and chat. Breath and walk yourway out whilst talking. Breath. Take a taxi home, chat to the driver or text on your mobile if there is no one about. Try texting a poem of how things are - save it to drafts and read another time. But don't push too hard or too soon. Take small steps, but do take them.

    I am sure you are lovely. You sound lovely. You just had a bad time, and its over. You are home safe and you can take some time to plan a next time. What will you do, who will you ring, etc.

    Good luck and soft hugs. xxx

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