Job Hunting- Help?!

[hippieatheart]

Hello you wonderful warriors, I hope you are all doing well and pacing yourself effectively today!

So little back story (The short version XD) I have been going to the Drs about my symptoms from 9yrs old (Or at least, that is the earliest my mother could recall) during xrays they discovered my Spina Bifida Occulta when I was - which, supposedly had nothing to do with the pain (-Insert eye roll here!-) but I was only diagnosed with Fibro in August of last year.

I was signed off a month prior to that because of a bad flare up of symptoms- I was a carer and it was too much for my body! I am now looking to find myself a job but I am lost on what jobs will suit my needs. I'm looking into working from home but the thought of going through the process of actually getting a job is so daunting!

I am mostly worried about finding the right employer- someone who is able to be flexible and understanding of what we go through. I have had a lot of past jobs and employers, so I know from experience that they aren't the easiest to find.

I am also whittling about the actual process- an interview and then meeting the people I am going to be working with. I have social anxiety, which the pandemic has not made any easier, and I am having a hard time finding the motivation to find a job with these things, among others, running through my mind.

I have recently entered a relationship with a wonderful man, he is kind and supportive- he is very attentive and considerate of my needs but he is dead set on being successful, he is hardworking and wants the same commitment from me to our future and as much as I do have that ambitious side to me, I am worried about the toll the stress will take on me- mentally and physically!! I struggle with deadlines and working under pressure- I even struggle with call centre based jobs due to PTSD from a previous job, what job can I even do?!

If anyone has any tips from their own experience with this, or can list any jobs they have found I would be forever grateful!

Thank you so much in advance for taking the time to read this, and for any responses <3

[RunningOnMT]

Hi Hippieatheart

I wish I had some good job suggestions to give you but I don't really. I too am looking for work that will fit in around my difficulties (Fibro and Hypermobility Syndrome).

Your first step i think is to understand your own strengths / weaknesses and limitations and apply for appropriate positions which will match your abilities.

Use your previous work experience (eg Carer) and look for a role around that area ie. admin assistant for a care home. Your experience of being a carer would be valuable in understanding the needs of the business (compliance etc) even if you are no longer physically able to be a hands on carer.

Look for 'job share' opportunities or ask if it is something they would consider if you see a job advertised which you like the look of - they may be advertising a full time job but would they consider job sharing instead ? There are plenty of people out there who want part time jobs to fit in with their lifestyle for a number of reasons.

If possible try to find something local to you if you find travelling difficult. Even commuting an hour each way would reduce the hours i could then work from the pain and fatigue point of view. Many companies had to set up the facility for staff to work from home during the pandemic so there are more jobs out there than two years ago who will consider a work form home position at least for part of the week. Explain at application or interview how being able to work from home would likely increase your productivity benefiting them and not just benefit your health personally. If you are seen to be proactively understanding and managing your own condition it should make them less concerned about future absence due to ill health.

A work from home job would suit me as i have quite bad mobility problems now but the debilitating fatigue means i would need a flexible job that i could do in small bite sized chunks throughout the day/week when i have the energy or the ability to focus. Being honest there are not and abundance of roles that fit this ideal but it doesn't stop me looking.

I used to work full time in an accounts based role until 2 years ago. I now realise that, being realistic, i am unlikely to be able to work full time again but i do want to do some paid work again as I feel I can still contribute something to society. The real difficulty is finding an employer who will embrace my skills but is able to understand and make allowances for my fluctuating limitations.

I too struggle with social anxiety so the thought of a new workplace / company fills me with dread so I truly empathise. It is not easy but is often less scary than we anticipate. Try to remember an interview is a two way process - they are judging you on if you would be a good fit for them but you are also sounding them out at the same time to judge if their company / job role would be a good fit for you too.

For many years there was a real reluctance to employ women of child bearing age (or already with children). Thing began to improve and now there is generally less discrimination as parents are often excellent at multitasking , prioritising and highly productive at work despite possibly working compacted hours to fit in with child care responsibilities. The same should apply to people with disabilities.

The longer i am out of work the more daunting it can feel. I am looking for a small low level part time job (admin or accounts based) and seeing how that works out for me. Ideally i could then gradually build it up (within the same company by taking on more tasks or possibly a second part time job) as my health permits to reach optimal 'contribution to society' LOL. This maybe a pipedream but i have to have hope that i can more forward again.

In my professional experience (I am in my early 50's) larger companies often have a better understanding (and policies) to support workers with disabilities than small or micro businesses and are generally more able to be inclusive from a financial perspective, although not many small business employers would admit to this openly as it is discriminatory.

It is lovely that you have a partner who is supportive and it would be great if they too could support you in starting small from the ground up again rather than going into an ambitious but unsuitable role, not managing and then 'crashing out'.

Sorry my reply is so long - I didn't anticipate I had this much to say on the subject LOL.

I really wish you the very best of luck in finding something suitable. xx

[KimiJay in reply to RunningOnMT]

Hi, I've got a bit of a nerve replying here as I'm a very non-working OAP, but your sixth paragraph made me think of one particular type of job - just a one off suggestion, which comes from knowing how difficult it was for our village (and my husband chairing them at that time) to find a good local part time Parish council Clerk who would follow things up and write sensible notes which you quite obviously could write. Sounds like you would have more of the skills needed if you understand accounts too and you could get someone to stand in for you with taking notes if you can't make a particular meeting. This might fit in with your mobility probs and need to do things in bits although the pay would not be that wonderful. Our friend up the road did it before she stopped so she could look after her mum for a bit. She was so valued!

[RunningOnMT in reply to KimiJay]

Hi KimiJay. Thank you for your thoughtful post and despite being a "non working OAP" you have come up with an excellent suggestion of Parish Council Clerk . It is a role I had never even considered so thank you for opening my eyes to another idea for me to look into. Your senior age status and extensive life experience is highly valuable so don't ever feel your contribution or advice would not be highly valuable to others too - no one else I have spoken to about my job search has even suggested anything like this so thanks again - I will look into this and other similar roles in my local area.

[KimiJay in reply to RunningOnMT]

Thanks. Good luck!

[Hazel_Angelstar Administrator FMA UK Staff]

For people wondering if they can cope with work, volunteering can be an excellent stepping stone to paid employment and can give you an idea of what you are capable of doing, as well as help build your confidence around working.

When I first started volunteering with FMA UK, I was doing an hour or two a week, working from my bed - that increased to a few hours once or twice a week in the office, and then to working as a paid employee. If someone had said to me at the beginning how I would end up, I would have laughed and told them no way. But you don't know how things will change.

[k77a]

I would say personally, go with a role you are passionate, about and something you enjoy.As there may be that , time when you need to push through , on a day your not feeling 💯

[JayCeon]

Great high quality replies above.

You're not asking, so I'll not "question" too much, but I have a social phobic past, and phoning used to be quite a problem for me, as well as many relationships.

So first, as you're probably doing, I'd work on the PTSD and anxiety with trauma therapy, CBT, relaxation, mindfulness and get and keep your fibro down as much as possible with that, pacing, pain management, exercising, supps etc. I wouldn't pressure myself to do something that I hope to be able to cope with in the future, but do not cope with at the moment. Not even the thought is doing you any good: The pressure and worry about the stress how that might be is making it worse. Even just thinking about your situation at the moment and in future is increasing my stress, would you believe... With fibro we have to keep our ambitious side in check, because it's what will make the fibro flare and stop us in our tracks. We need our ambitious to get our health managed, to self-care, to be #1, because if we don't we will become #0 which won't serve anyone.

Sorry, but: "dead set on being successful, he is hardworking and wants the same commitment from me to our future" sounds daunting to terrifying to me. What I'd want to hear is that he does not want the same commitment from me, that he wants me to do what is best for me, that he'd accepted it if I'd stay this way forever, that he isn't hoping that I'll get better some day, that "our future" doesn't mean 'lots of money at the cost of my pain and anguish'. If you have an ambitious side, but needing no pressure, then it's probably good for you to remain and live being a hippieatheart (which again doesn't sound like your partner at all) without having to fear becoming a drop-out, cos you'll always be looking for a way to improve your life, using that ambitious side. What I'm fearing from having seen and watched many relationships closely is that he is kind, supportive, attentive and considerate until he realizes that you won't be able to fulfill his expectations, need, dreams. And it's not the inner commitment and your love and preciousness that he needs, it's that he wants like you say the same commitment - meaning: dead set; successful; hardworking. That you can never be with fibro. Does he really know, feel and understand what fibro is? I can hear you loving this man and his attitude ringing a bell in your ambitious side, making you try to share his dreams. But I can also hear you already feeling pressured by his dreams, attitude, hard work, even if you didn't sense his expectations, even if he didn't put them into words. Take care, li'l hippie!!!