what next?: Hi fibro friends. Not... - Fibromyalgia Acti...

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what next?


Hi fibro friends. Not strictly relevant to this site, but I needs a bit of 'comfort', support, reassurance, call it what you will, and I have nowhere else to turn. Had this 'scab' on my head for over two years now and initially wasn't concerned. Mentioned it to doc, who seemed to think it could be eczema and gave me some cream. Did not have any effect. So much other stuff going on in my life at the time (as some of you are aware. DH being assessed and diagnosed with dementia; falling off a ladder and breaking his foot, plus numerous other medical problems; not to mention several others of my own; I accepted her word, and it went on the back burner. Did question it again possibly a year later but she was still unconcerned. Just said keep an eye on it! Long story short by the time we entered lockdown I was struggling with other medical problems (thyroid) - which didn't get sorted anyway, as with covid 19 on the rampage I was trying to keep away from docs and hospitals and put everything on holid. rampage. Anyhow I went to doc last Friday (not my usual one) as the scab has got a lot bigger and had come off twice. She sent me for photographs yesterday, and today I have been phoned and told I need to see a consultant for a biopsy as they think it could be cancer. I am terrified. My stress/ anxiety and sleep problems are already through the roof, trying to cope with mine and my other half's other health problems, plus DH is driving me mad with questions and he doesn't understand anyway! (I know I really shouldn't say that but I am having one of those spells where just about everything is going wrong, that I need to sort out, when I really could do with some support, but there isn't any unfortunately. I am totally overwhelmed and am constantly crying. My daughters are of the 'breed' - you have to get on with it - everyone has problems, and I really have tried, but seem to be losing the battle. So a bit of understanding would go a long way to helping me get through whatever is coming! However long this takes. Sorry for the rant but I really did need to get this off my chest. Would love to hear from some of you, but I am not really in need of advice, I already do have some of that! thanks again for listening!

54 Replies

Oh dear Shell you are going through it at the moment, sometimes it feels like as if everything is falling in on top of us doesn’t it and all you need is someone to talk to, I hope you feel a bit better after getting that all out.

I know just what caring for someone with dementia is like as you know I cared for my Mum who lived with us for many years who had vascular dementia, during that time I had Many personal problems both health and otherwise which I wasn’t able to share with her and that was so difficult as we’d always been so close more like Sisters, I thought I’d never get through it but I did though I think my health suffered because of all the stress.

hopefully your cancer scare with turn out to be ok, my OH went to his chiropractor a few weeks ago and she spotted a mole and told him to get it checked out ASAP , I was so anxious so I can understand how you are feeling, he went up the next day and thankfully the Dr said it was ok, if you ever need to chat give me a PM, take care MD

ShelWhitt in reply to Mydexter

Thank you so much Mydexter. It feels such a relief to speak to someone who can relate to how I am feeling. Hopefully things will turn out OK, but it is difficult to lift your spirits when everything around you seems to be falling apart. The sad part is that to get through the last few months I have been working my socks off ( I know, I know I should be pacing) as that seems to be the only way I can distract myself from the daily pain and anxiety, and the house is in better shape now than it has been for years! I should be feeling elated at my efforts, but sadly I'm not! Thanks again, and take care.


My step mother had a spot on the end of her nose that turned into a scab and kept bleeding. It did turn out to be skin cancer and she had it removed and a small patch of skin was taken from behind her ear to cover the scar. This was several years ago and she is fine now and everything has healed very well. She actually hardly ever sunbathes and has very good skin so we were all shocked when we heard it was a skin cancer. Try not to worry it is a very treatable cancer and a lot of older people have these kind of skin cancers.

ShelWhitt in reply to Lora7again

Thank you Lora for replying and doing your best to reassure me. Hopefully things will be ok, I am more concerned because I think my doctor should have checked me out sooner, but I suppose at the end of the day it is my own responsibility!

Lora7again in reply to ShelWhitt

I have a small cyst below my eye which is slowly growing and has been for 4 years. I mentioned it to my GP the beginning of this year and asked to be referred about getting it removed. Well because of the coronavirus I have not heard a thing and it is getting bigger although my husband says he can't see it. I am frightened it might become as big as some of the ones on the Dr Pimple Popper programme! I have been watching some of her videos on Youtube and some of them are enormous! I feel like it is something not serious but I do want it removed but I haven't contacted my GP because it does seem insignificant considering how some cancer patients being made to wait for their treatment.

ShelWhitt in reply to Lora7again

I know exactly how you feel. Trouble is we are told to check these things out and then if doc reassures us we feel we are badgering them unnecessarily. If I hadn't been 'badgering' about other problems , which I still haven't got answers to (everything is down to fibromyalgia according to doc,) and I am still not really convinced, I probably would have pursued this more vigorously, but hindsight is a wonderful thing! Also I understand that cosmetic surgery is no longer provided on the NHS, unless I have been misinformed. LIfe is never easy, is it?

Lora7again in reply to ShelWhitt

I did enquire about having it removed privately and the private clinic wanted £250 just to look at it. My GP did say because it was so near my eye I needed to see an eye specialist but I don't expect anything to be done this year. You should look at some of the Dr Pimple Popper videos they are very informative and she has removed a lot of skin cancers. I wish we had a Dr Pimple Popper here in the UK because I would pay to see her.

Mydexter in reply to Lora7again

Yes also dont know if you watch loose women, Janet Street Porter has just had an op on her nose which was cancer and everything turned out ok with her now after her operation .

Lora7again in reply to Mydexter

Yes I saw that and you can hardly see her scar at all.

ShelWhitt in reply to Mydexter

No, I don't watch loose women, but thanks for telling me about Janet. I also saw Len Goodman on the tele the other day saying he had had op for skin cancer - thing was, he said to get it checked early. I did try to do that but it was easier said than done!

Yes, they did a very neat job on Janet. I have had seven of these rodent ulcers; some were removed surgically, some with cream and one with ultra violet light (that was the worst treatment but you can see nothing at all now). The sooner you get them treated, the less of them has to be removed. Shel's GP should have taken more notice when the abrasion on her head didn't go away. It doesn't take long to checked by a dermatologist, and by now, I would think those clinics are up and running safely. Skin cancers are not and do not become life threatening if they are dealt with once it is clear they are not going away and they are slow growing, so not a case for panic, but they do need to be removed. I believe some moles require more urgent attention. I think the zit on my nose last week, that I treated with TCP, was just that, but keeping an eye on it; if it turns out to need removing, I think because of it being on the other end of my nose, it will be a more obtrusive scar. FYI I'm really a bit old to be suffering from acne!


Sending you loads of hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

ShelWhitt in reply to Dizzytwo



I knew of someone who had a cyst removed and everything was fine but I can understand that you are worried because of what your Dr said. Try to keep positive. I was thinking as you mentioned it two years ago surely it would have grown much, much bigger by now if it was anything serious. Please let us know how you get on. Love and hugs Lynne xxxx ❤️🤗🌈💜

ShelWhitt in reply to Oldham65

Thank you Lynne, will do.xx

My neighbour who is in her 60s always has a tan and looks very wrinkly and she informs me she has had several skin cancers removed from her back. She tells me she still sunbathes which I cannot understand because my step mother has been told to stay out of the sun and wear factor 50 at all times.

Midori in reply to Lora7again

I agree; I can't sunbathe, I just burn!

Cheers, Midori

I can totally relate to what you’re going through. I’m sorry you’re so overwhelmed. I’m sick every day with Lupus. I’m in pain 24/7 . I have so much to get done around this house , and absolutely no help . My husband was diagnosed with bronchitis in July. And he’s been playing it up so well . I wake up his dishes are piled in the sink , along with his full used Keurig coffee pods . Living room dining room floors need to be cleaned . I get absolutely no help from him at all . So going to make dinner yesterday. I have to wash all of his dirty dishes, and coffee pods . Then prepping dinner I use dishes , knives, utensils. So now that’s more dishes for me . Then while dinners cooking I start cleaning the dining room , kitchen , and bathroom. By the time dinner if finished. I’m a sweaty mess. And I’m so aggravated for having to constantly do this . I don’t eat . I shower , go into my room , and watch TV . I don’t know how much more I can handle here . And say to him over , and over . I can’t do all of this myself. I need help . And get nothing. I just want to run away from everything. But have nowhere to go. It sucks . Sorry for my rant . I needed to vent . Please don’t be mad 🙏🏻💜💙

I'm afraid this is what some men are like so you are not alone. My husband will cook to help out but he leaves such a mess I prefer to do it myself. When I was virtually bedridden with thyroid disease he would say things like "Why don't you make an effort?" or "pull yourself together" I wished I could have done as he asked but I didn't have the energy to even wash or get dressed. I think other people have no idea how bad we are feeling and perhaps if they did they would be more helpful and not criticize all the time.

ShelWhitt in reply to Lora7again

That's the problem. I know why women nag! The times I say that I cannot understand how he makes such a mess everywhere, and can never find anything! But will he get organised, no way. To make matters worse he grumbles when I tidy up as he says it is my fault he can't find things !I sometimes think it is like having a child again. You are right that other people don't understand just how ill we are. Even my own daughters don't want to know! I am having a really rough spell at the moment and crying a lot feeling overwhelmed by any problems that crop up, which is so unlike the old me, I sometimes wonder where things will end!

Lora7again in reply to ShelWhitt

My husband doesn't have any health problems but is always blaming me for moving stuff he has misplaced himself. He used to be funny and pleasant but now he has turned into Victor Meldrew always moaning or complaining about things. What gets me is he has nothing to complain about! I personally think some men turn into grumpy old men as they age and some of my friends tell me their husbands are just the same. I do wonder if he is going through the male menopause and have asked him to do a blood test but that hasn't happened yet. I have a son and a daughter and neither of them take my thyroid disease seriously and because I don't look too ill seem to think I am making all my symptoms up. I am sure things will get better for us all once this pandemic is under control because it is adding to everyone's stress levels.

Totally get it. Sometimes I think men live on another planet. Granted my DH has problems, but he does prepare veg, wash pots, help putting washing on line, etc. and at the moment is still able to cut grass, but it gets me really angry that he constantly tells me he does what he can to help! I know that and do appreciate what he does, but what happens if I turn round and tell him we will have a role reversal, and I will start doing what I can manage to help him? Another favourite phrase of his is, you know you like to do it yourself anyway!

ShelWhitt in reply to ShelWhitt

You are so right. This epidemic is making every problem ten times worse. I think we are all getting on one another's nerves. Pray we get an end to it soon. Take care and thanks for responding, I can well relate to Victor Meldrew!

Just jumping in here again. I know I have already replied, but wondered if you could enlighten me a little bit about your Lupus diagnosis. I ask because I am not convinced fibromyalgia is the answer to all my problems. Been diagnosed 10 years, and have had some tests to eliminate certain things, but I feel so ill all the time I can't help thinking there is something they have missed, and not being a medic myself I don't really know where to start . Hope you don't mind my asking. xx

Bronchitis does not give him carte blanche to skive off. He could deal with his own dishes very well. How about you taking a few days off with a 'diplomatic Flu' and tell him it's up to him! Time there was some equality in your household, methinks!

I get the feeling he maybe taking advantage and 'gaslighting' you. He shouldn't be getting away with doing absolutely nothing! It's abuse.


My husband constantly says you have to push yourself. Yeah ok . Only thing I’m pushing is you off a cliff. If you don’t stop with me . He used to be very supportive, but lately he’s a jerk 😡

Don't know about you but I seem to be constantly pushing myself. That is what life is like now. Pacing is a bit of a pipe dream!

Every day I push myself. I hate not being able to start my day’s right away. It takes me a few hours to get going now . I don’t sleep night’s. So that makes it harder . I have so much that needs to be done , and I can’t get myself there 😩

So sorry you are suffering too leeniebeanie. If only we could get answers. I don't sleep well either, up between 4-5 every day, sometimes earlier, which obviously doesn't help. The sorry truth is that we have no other choice but to hang on in there, getting through each day the best way we can. Take care. xx

Hi..sorry to hear that you have yet more to deal with. I do hope it gets sorted easily and quickly


Thank you Bruised Peach. I hope so!xx

So sorry to hear this you certainly have a lot on your plate I think your daughter should be more understanding and offer support I really hope things improve for for you and its best to get it off your chest and not bottle it up you definitely need more support take care xx

ShelWhitt in reply to Mille21

Thanks for listening Millie. I try not to get upset with my daughters. They are good girls, and I try to be grateful for what they do do, rather than take offense at what they don't. It would be counterproductive anyway and a falling out is the last thing I want at the moment. Unfortunately support is not a given. Some folk and families manage it better than others, for whatever reasons.xx

Oh Shel what an awful time you are having. Hang in there girl I am sending you lots of love and hugs. You are in my thoughts love Misty xx

ShelWhitt in reply to Mistyang

Thanks Mistyang. I appreciate your caring and sending good wishes. xx

You are really overloaded, Shel, aren't you? The coronavirus scenario really magnifies everything that is going on in our lives, doesn't it? so it is not surprising you are feeling the way you do.

Don't be terrified of the biopsy. Your doctor should have sent you to a dermatologist sooner but, as she didn't think it was anything to worry about, it is likely that it is a slow growing basal cell carcinoma (rodent ulcer) which is the most common sort of skin cancer and it is not life threatening. If the biopsy shows that's what it is, it can be removed easily. I have had seven of them and have not had too much sun in my life!

You sound, like me, very alone in your problems and I am wondering whether your surgery provides any counselling, as the closest people to you who could help are clearly not understanding or caring. There are people out there and it does seem as if you could do with some support when you have so much weight on your shoulders. I do relate to you due to what has been going on in my own life and I have no family, so these are not empty words. You should get your biopsy soon, which will get you out of the house at least, and you can get that sorted out. Then you can turn your attention to other things that can be remedied. Let me know how you get on, and good luck, Maggie

Thank you so much Maggie. It does help when someone does seem to understand, and as with most things it is usually if you have had similar experiences yourself. I am trying to think positively, but it is difficult when you are dealing with other health issues. It has helped having friends on here sending their support.

I am just going to send you a virtual hug and best wishes .

Be kind to yourself whenever you have a few moments treasure them.

Taking one day at a time is easier said than done but trying to outwit life is exhausting.

Good luck


ShelWhitt in reply to ellj

Thank you for your troughts Ellj. I appreciate it.

Fingers crossed its something harmless. If it is cancer would likely be a basal cell which are slow growing and removable, my mother in law has just had one off her ear which was there for similar time. Her surgery was delayed by the co vid issue.

Skin lesions should be monitored and photographed as GP can send pics to dermatology to be reviewed. Probably change GP.

I really hope it all goes well as sounds like you have enough going on already.

ShelWhitt in reply to Julesubu

That is the problem. Too many balls in the air at once. But hopefully things will calm down eventually. Thank you for you for your good wishes.

ShelWhitt in reply to Julesubu

Just wondering how she has managed to have been seen, and had surgery all in under two years, when I have just been told I will have to wait six months for a consultation. I have decided to go private , which I am seriously not happy about, but feel I have no choice due to my other problems and including the fact that I am suffering really badly with stress and anxiety,sto need to get it cleared up as soon as I can. Take care.

Hi shell, hope you’re feeling a bit better today, sending you a ”Cwtch” 😘

ShelWhitt in reply to Mydexter

Thank you Mydexter. Much appreciated.

Sending you a virtual hug. Take care of yourself and don't worry about the rant - we all need to do that and this is the place to do it.

ShelWhitt in reply to Ninapod

Thank you Ninapod. This is such a great site!

Oh my gosh, you poor love, no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed, I hope you manage to take some time for yourself, even a wee guided meditation(10-15 mins can make a huge difference) may help clear your mind that little bit, set you up to tackle everything you need to head on.

I am sending you a gentle hug with the hope that you are able to get the mental/physical support you deserve.

Good luck and remember and be kind to yourself.

Stay safe, keep well and be strong.

ShelWhitt in reply to Fibroska

Thank you so much, I realy do appreciate your support and encouragement. xx


Hello there , my you have a lot on your plate right now, I never get it when we’ve brought up our children unconditionally and we need that little extra support its kinda get on with it, ( I `give my daughter 33 and son 30 a little nudge now and then and remind them although they have busy lives don’t forget to show the love, they have small children that we are now helping them with when we can even though I have multi conditions now and husband has glaucoma , yes I can imagine your worry and I hope you get that biopsy done very soon. We are here to listen and always ready to show some empathy ,sending you some gentle hugs xxx

ShelWhitt in reply to YASMINTINA

Thank you Yasmintina. Families can be difficult. My two daughters are totally different and they clash - all the time. I try to tread a middle ground as I obviously love them both but it is not easy. Neither really understand how ill I am and I have given up trying to explain. They come back with all the usual cliches, which I don't want to listen to any more. As does my husband. I think they view me as a hypochondriac. Their rationale is everyone has problems and you just have to get on with it (and to be fair they have both had their share). The fact that I have never been hospitalised and docs have no answers does nothing to dispel this view they have. They have more understanding of their dad who has dementia amongst other health problems, and to be honest I think they are burying their heads in the sand. Thanks again for listening and good luck with your grandchildren. I have done quite a bit of that over the years and love them both to bits. My grandson is now almost 26 and my granddaughter 14 so they are more independent now. Take care. xx

So sorry to hear of all you are going through. It is regrettable your doctor missed the head lesion, but I think they take less notice of us oldies!

Don't panic about the biopsy, it might easily be benign; that's why they want to take a piece for analysis.

As you are ill yourself, it might be an idea if you could get some help, either for your self and or hubby, as you can't be expected to care effectively for him as the dementia worsens, whilst also caring for yourself. It might be worth broaching this with your GP, who could refer you to Occupational Therapists for any adaptions you might need to help with his care. Alternatively, you could approach Social Services for their OT assessments. I have had adaptions done to my house; extra stair rails, Handrails in the bathroom and loo, Wet room, Commodes for night, so I don't need to haul myself to the bathroom, perching stool in the Kitchen, Kettle tipper, shower stool in the wetroom. the smaller appliances come at no cost to you, but I believe you would need an assessment by the Council if you are in rented accomodation and want a wet room.

Hope this is helpful.

Cheers, midori

ShelWhitt in reply to Midori

Thanks Midori for you reply and information. We have had an assessment last year and to be honest at the time we were managing OK. As regards Social Services I have had DH put on emergency list in cast I go into hospital eg. Apparently we will have to pay for any help we get as we are not on benefits and own our own house. We only have one toilet, upstairs and a bath with an overhead shower. That doesn't seem right to me but I am not in a fit state mentally to be delving into that at the moment. More stress I do not want or need. I am also suffering with anxiety and more telephoning and paperwork I can't cope with at the moment.

You’re having a rough time with no emotional support.i hope your daughters give you some practical support.

I hope the scab on your head proves to be easily treatable.its just a shame it’s taken such a long time to be taken seriously.

This forum is here to listen to you.

Give yourself a big hug from me.

ShelWhitt in reply to Oshgosh

Thank you Oshgosh. Yes, due to my extreme stress and anxiety I have decided, against my better principles, to go private. My eldest daughter is going with me, although she will not be allowed in the consultation with me, but |I am very grateful to her. So we will see how it goes! If only things were more peaceful at home. I am not coping well at the moment ; have no patience and the last two days have been horrendous, with my husband constantly repeating questioning me and giving me the 'poor me' , 'what will I do' scenario. I know he has dementia, but it is driving me mad. I am trying to keep a lid on things, but it is hard when I really could do with some understanding and support from him, but I know that isn't going to happen! Thanks for the hug, if only my DH thought the same way! Stay safe.

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