Do you find replying to posts difficult? - Fibromyalgia Acti...

Fibromyalgia Action UK
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Do you find replying to posts difficult?

Cb1963
Cb1963

I often go on to various pages, and trying to reply to some conditions can be so difficult, not for the condition, but actually the person, because you are not in front of them, and I think this is because of mainly text messages, and age,and possibly trying to understand there sense of humour, try telling a joke with a text message, and it doesn't come across very funny, but put a load of people in a theatre in front of a comedian they all like they'll all be howling with laughter,I often can see a little friction or misunderstanding between conversations, and it can be same on the forum,but even some of us don't like the same comedy, help,lol,so sometimes we probably have to try to remember that we are all different, I often have to pick my words very carefully, especially for those who I think are very delicate and subjects that I think need to be treated with extreme caution,its a fine balancing act, and even now I feel I'm still learning my way around, but most of all,when you can have a laugh, we've put all them comedians out of a job! Lol

15 Replies
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Just be yourself, that’s what i always do like it or not - with me Im very much wysiwyg! I’m a crazy mada55 that likes fun but I’ve got a lot of compassion, understanding and empathy for others, I couldn’t be any different, that’s me end of!!! Don’t overthink things, just get on with expressing your feelings, you know how you feel so open up, it really does make you feel better.

Cb1963
Cb1963
in reply to Zoonie

Yes I noticed you have a crazy side by your latest post with the tadpole and the slogan what hole is formed first lol,not really a tadpole though is it, ha,ha ,definitely need an early night, can't even remember what time I crashed this morning think it was around 2AM, then looking for my glasses this morning,that was a mission,just glad I live on my own,otherwise I'd be blaming someone else for moving them,nothing like arguing with yourself first thing in the morning lol

I think It can be difficult to judge or guess a reaction because there are no visual cues or facial expressions when you are typing. You have to go with your gut reaction. I think to stop yourself from writing a response because you maybe worrying about what reaction you might get, is, not allowing you to take part as much as you would like. I think we all worry and tread carefully as not to upset anyone but I guess on occasion that might occur but It's not intentional. Myself, I've always been a clown, so if I make an idiot of myself, I don't beat myself up about it. I'm going to say want I want to say, within limits, of course because we are only on this planet once, so, be sure to make yourself heard. Your opinion matters, what you say is important and not only are you joining in, you could be helping someone in the process. xx

Cb1963
Cb1963
in reply to bobbybobb

Yep,I'm a bit of a worrier, even though I have a sense of humour, I lost a friend through suicide, and I had the unfortunate task of finding him,so it plays on my mind,it affects alot of my thought process,so it's part of who I am these days,if I could remove that part of my brain,I probably wouldn't have the same revolving thoughts of what 'if' I had done something different that day, so perhap that's why I feel a little more sensitive to certain subjects, I often feel pangs of sadness, but its still hurts after 25 years,but life is what it is,and I still enjoy a laugh, thank goodness for this forum, it breaks down a day of boredom, and takes some pains away, and when you get good conversations flowing,well thats better than any medication,well I'm definitely going to bed cause I had a late one yesterday, catch up with all soon,take care, ttfn.

0101
0101
in reply to Cb1963

Absolutely yes. Hi Cb1963. Your post was so open about what many of us struggle with and I saw a lot of me in what you wrote. It takes bravery to keep plugging away and I find myself in cycles where I am trying my best, but the words are coming out off, or not hitting home and I'm not connecting despite the effort. When connections become exhausting, not uplifting, it can be confusing. Body language is a high percentage of all communication, and that is I think at the heart of why our reliance on keyboards and the filter of online has altered this so much. Another post talked of a GP not making eye contact or even facing them and that really struck home too. I really struggle with it sometimes here, as it's asynchronous and you can't pick up on the subtleties that someone's struggling with or can't express. Or moods and emotions and strength of feeling. Sarcasm and joking can go wrong so quickly and there are so many layers to how we interact. Words sometimes cannot express what's happening, but a look or hug could. It takes more effort to choose the right words and even the practical aspects of keeping checking in or notifications to see if you've had a response. I find the physical act of typing really hard some days but if someone's sitting in front of you, you probably know if they're responding or upset, have something else urgent to do, or are deliberately ignoring you! Or are asleep. You can respond a lot quicker in real time. You can also have a guess if they're of a similar background or experience as you or can find things to say that might open up conversation. That's sometimes age or other personal attributes, but often not and we can all be surprised where we meet likeminds with people different to us. I have often missed responses as I have to keep checking online and I forget, or it's intrusive or doesn't 'fit' with real life. But then I'm sure it's a lifeline - no exaggeration - for many and those of us isolated or chronically ill.

If I have a friend who still thought of me 25 years after my passing, I'd feel very lucky indeed and that they really mattered to you is such a wonderful thing. I can't imagine how that must have been like for you, or the impact it had - but it's great that you talk of it and them. I lost a friend nearly a decade back through suicide and it did change how I look at life, and when I'm struggling I try to think of her, and try again as she can't anymore. We're all learning aren't we.

Boredom is the thing - you're so right :-) and ttfn has really made me laugh :-)

Keep looking after yourself x

Cb1963
Cb1963
in reply to 0101

Thanks for your kind words, and even a simple task like 'texting' can be so long winded, so I appreciate all the effort that you have put, we are in a world of technology and people just separate themselves from emotions, and perhaps that's where we are losing our identity,maybe I'm looking to deeply or just being to critical of the world,you just hear every day of scams on a daily basis people being ripped off, thousands of miles away,a simple 'friendly' conversation ends up with a persons whole life savings been wiped out,I just hate technology for this, so enough of my moaning, thanks for your reply, have a good day, cheers

0101
0101
in reply to Cb1963

You're welcome. :-). I clocked this with an old (as in good) friend who really struggled fidding with his mobile's keypad and we had some very odd exchanges. A recent article (Guardian) discussing how we could go back to calling and speaking, not texting as an option reminded me lots of people are experiencing this. Reading very long texts and waiting hours for a reply does often make me think why didn't we have a quick catch up by phone. I don't think you're looking too deeply either and you're not moaning - a lot of this is about trust or building trust and tech has advanced further than the people inventing it could ever have imagined - for good, bad and who knows!

The radio is good today - they're doing research on the sense of touch too - and how our senses are being changed or mediated through screens. Positive touch and wellbeing and isolation etc and how it relates to sleep even. It's called the Touch Test is at goldpsych.eu.qualtrics.com/...

You too and hoping your day goes well.

bobbybobb
bobbybobb
in reply to Cb1963

How very sad and I can not imagine what you must have gone through finding him. It's natural it would have a lasting effect on you. Think, though for a minute, to spend your life thinking, what if, I'm sure he really wouldn't want you to spend your life doing that. That's not about forgetting what happened or feeling sad but it's about honouring the friendship you had and the time you spent together. What happens thought our lives shapes us for sure but we can't blame ourselves for things out of our control. I agree with you the forum is good and the people are great. They are always ready to help or tell a good story or offer a bit of brightness to the day. I always find something that brings a grin to my face or makes my ribs clatter with laughter. xx

YASMINTINA
YASMINTINAFMA UK Volunteer

TTFN, that’s just brought back a memory my late wonderful Auntie used to say that and when I was little I asked her what that meant so reading this I’m thinking of her right now ,but yes it’s good to have a chat here and also for people that live alone , always good to find something to laugh about as we read of much sadness out there. I do find members here are very supportive of each other as I say a very big club no one wanted to join,.

Cb1963
Cb1963
in reply to YASMINTINA

I suppose it's my age and what area I was brought up in that is giving that one away,its one way of putting its a club that no one wanted to join,but the supporters are all singing from the same hymn sheet,at least we don't have to worry about any match rivalry lol,have a great day.

What a nice memory. All forums have personalities and it helps to have wonderful people behind the scenes keeping them on track ;-). It's funny how you can feel warm towards people you feel supported by but you're never likely to meet. I've been reading a blog by David Shutts after hearing his brother on the radio. He wrote about the monkey on his back (cancer) and some of the people he met through it that sound exactly like that and the very big club no one wanted to join. Very Groucho Marx.

I enjoyed reading all your comments, very insightful, so thank you 🙏🏻

Cb1963
Cb1963
in reply to Painny

Yes we all share our stories, which can give hope, faith, sadness and occasionally happiness, life is just one big roulette wheel, I'm not particularly very old(55),but had a couple of life saving operations and I'm fortunate to be here,and I have an older brother who has flown through life with no major health ailments, while ive had more than my allotted amount,and yet in my younger days I was fit as a flea,I once came 2nd in a marathon to a guy who finished 6th in the New York marathon, and that's when I only just started my training, but then I ended up ulcerative colitis, and that put paid to a couple of years of my life,so we just don't know how any illnesses can affect us from any moment,life can be a breeze at times and other times it can be blowing storm force gales,non of us know,we all want calmer waters in life,stress is definitely not good for the mind,nor the soul,and I definitely don't like arguments, because that causes more problems than solutions even if I'm right lol,we all have opinions and I don't know if thats just a 'saying' opposites attrack,or just a random statement to get people to talk, well, which ever way people will talk,regardless, probably got to much time on my head today,and just rambling on,you have a pleasant day, take care

Painny
Painny
in reply to Cb1963

So true Cb1963, we are all entitled to our opinion, be online or offline. Unfortunately I am in the same boat, I used to do lots of things but now I have a very limited ability for doing things, I even used to do climbing but these days I would be lucky to manage even a mile. You are right ....stress is No 1 for damaging people’s health. It is cause and effect!

Not to worry about things, even though I am one of them, this is a forum for people to talk to each other and it is best to use it. How much is disclosed is up to each individual, I guess.

I do not have a good day today due to lack of sleep and see if I can go for a nap.

Take care of yourself 🙏🏻

I've enjoyed reading all your comments too, so much so I'm now running late for work!😳

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