How to help a friend with fibromyalgia?

[Ibrokemyliver]

Hi guys I hope you're well, I was wondering, I have a friend who has fibromyalgia and she's going through a bad time at the moment. Is there anything I can do as her friend to help? If I were to buy a gift is there anything that you would recommend, something that might help her feel better? Thanks!

[AllthatGlitters]

What a lovely friend you are.

When I am having a bad day with pain I love a hot water bottle & a blanket. Maybe some nice bubble bath if she takes baths too as the heat really helps me x

[Beachcomber53]

I have found patience and understanding are the rarest qualities in friends and they’re essential to ensure your relationship survives.

I have an electric fleecy heated blanket which is a godsend when I’m bone cold and feel broken and stuck on the sofa. Distraction can help the pain so find a box set to watch when your friend can’t manage to get out but is bored senseless. Watching an episode or two together each week is a great way to keep a routine going when everything else has to go on hold!

Persevere because your friend is still in there - even when the pain is forefront and she feels ancient you can be there to remind her who she still is beneath the pain! X

[PAULINE15 in reply to Beachcomber53]

That’s good tips.x

[skit]

I am a positive person with Fibro. I would say take your friend out of the house if you have transport.Show her the countryside for an hour have a cuppa and chat. Give her good experience rather than not. Proving she is warm the rest can happen. Fresh air is a great way to ward off Fibro blues. Well done for trying. The best gift is your time!

[rosewine]

I think the best gift she has she has already as it is you as a friend. I think all the suggestions are brilliant, I too have an electric fleecy heated blanket and it is a boon. I have also bought myself two gel hotties that you can warm up in the microwave as there is no need to dice with hot water. A trio out to get her out of the same 4 walls if she is well enough to go can really lift the spirits.x

[Fibronat]

As the above replies have all said in one form or another... how lovely you are! It's difficult to find friends who understand. Just being there is a huge gift, understanding and a friend to walk with is fantastic- although I find I need to nap after my walk ! But that's good too. Encourage your friend to pace themselves, do nice little things and intersperse activities with rest.

Hot water bottles, soft blankets . I have a smaller heat pad like an electric blanket I can strap onto my back which is great when watching tv or reading. Good luck 😉

[Sandy254]

I use heat pads,I also have a small battery operated fan from Amazon last 12 hrs when charged helps with overheating for me💛💜

[harmony2]

Nice that you want to help.

Some thoughts that go a little different from the direction from a gift ( in the form of an object) as others have answered well.

These are the things that come to mind when I think about how precious the meaningful support I get is.

-don’t expect her to “feel better” in the sense of “getting well” though your support can definitely be comforting. [We can be fatigued by people asking “are you feeling better?” Because this shows they do not recognise that we have a long-term condition and explaining it again saddens us; it suggests we are not being listened to or understood. (It can even cause self-doubt; many fibro friends have said to me, “don’t they believe that I’m really unwell?“)

Alternative suggestion: ask your friend how they want to discuss their symptoms because there are many daily ups and downs. (I think it would be absolutely fine to let your friend know that you’ve been trying to research this because you want to be supportive in the long term. It’s almost definite that she will have already lost some friends whose place she can no longer keep up with. To hear that you’re making an effort will be comforting and encouraging in itself.)]

- offer tangible help; eg, do harder chores around the house like pushing around the vacuum, anything on the floor which requires being done on your hands and knees, scrubbing the hard water stains off the shower, taking out rubbish. (NB: this may be work she can actually physically still do BUT, if she does it, then she may set herself back. *** A very important understanding, for BOTH the person with fibro and their friends and family, is to recognise something called “post exertional malaise“, otherwise known as overdoing it. Normal activities that once were easily done can now fatigue us and, ***this is important*** cause a flareup. This means that we might be sicker for the rest of the day or even several days or weeks depending upon our own system and what is too much for the individual with fibromyalgia.

Recommendation: ask her which jobs are the hardest for her now. Let her know you would be very happy to do one a week.

- understand the mental “work“ is just as demanding on our systems ( just as tiring) as physical work. Ask her if there are forms to fill out, appointments to attend, or other things which might feel supportive for you to, maybe not do, but support her with. She might come up with something you wouldn’t have even considered she might need help with. (Example: I was just thinking I’d like to download audiobooks from my local library for when I can’t physically do something but I could use help figuring out the technology.)

-Help her plan, if she wants that. Example: I need to get to an a meeting in a nearby city. Although I used to be very organised, planning step-by-step is now very demanding for me. Help is super-appreciated! I may also feel sad that I need help and have to not chide myself about it. (Related point: in many activities there may be possible dual emotions, like this example of gratitude/relief and sadness mixed together.)

- be a great listener. Some days it feels like each day involves loss. Be okay with tears. Please don’t squirm, change the subject or try to fix it. Listen well. This mainly includes a lot of non-verbal communication and maybe infrequent summarising what you hear HER saying. Look up “active listening”.

Grieving is a long-term process. It’s stretched out even more when there are new losses sprinkled throughout the journey.

-Your own self-care: Be sure you have practices which help you be healthy and filled up emotionally. To befriend someone with a chronic and debilitating condition can feel like work and may feel one-sided, I suspect. Don’t pretend you are always fine but don’t blame her when you get weary. If she could be well she would choose to be well.

Many blessings on your efforts, your conversations with her to ask how she would like you to serve her, and your own important efforts to see your other friends and otherwise stay healthy so you can be around and willing to continue over time.

Others with fibro, please comment.

Ibrokemyliver, I genuinely hope this helps.

H2