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Fibromyalgia Action UK
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My mum has FibroMyalgia, how can I help her?

My mum has had FibroMyalgia for 10 months now and I hate seeing her go threw pain. Any advice on how I can help her daily?

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Hi chloeanne95 :)

You have found the right place to come for answers and advice and hope that you and your mum find us friendly and informative. Is your mum a member? Maybe introducing her to our forum and Mothersite fibroaction.org would be useful as a starting guide.

We have many up to date fact sheets regarding the many different aspects that Fibromyalgia throws at us in which regard would you like to help her?

This is a friendly up beat forum where we all come to chat and discuss our Fibro issues, would your mum be able to join us do you think? as having someone to talk to who understands the condition too can be really relieving.

I hope you don't mind but this link is for our FAQ - I'm newly diagnosed, where can I get information on Fibro please? There are many useful links that you both might find helpful.

healthunlocked.com/fibroact...

It may also be possible that there is a Fibromyalgia support group near where you live which she could enrol in and meet up with fellow sufferers

There are many ways that you could help such as helping with chores/housekeeping, help with grocery shopping, and sometimes just being there to listen :)

There some intersting articles on this link that you and your mum may be interested in :)

fibroaction.org/Pages/learn...

Please don't be afraid to ask other Q's as someone will be along to answer you, give advice or even a simple hug :)

Sending you and your mum fluffie hugs and hope that we can meet her soon. Looking forward to seeing you both around :)

:) xxxsianxxx :)

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Hi chloeanne95

You sound like a wonderful, loving and caring daughter who wants to put her mum first, so good on you! I think zeb73 has given you some wonderful advice that is worth acting upon.

I also think that many Fibro sufferers just need somebody to be there and say, I know, I understand, and this counts for a lot when it feels like the world is against you! Physical help is also useful, if any little job needs doing and she simply doesn't have the energy to do it.

Take care and I want to wish you both all the best of luck

Ken x

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Hi chloeanne95, you sound like a very caring daughter and I can't add anything more than zeb73 and the author have already said. What I can tell you us that my own daughter listens to me gripe when I am too tired to do anything, and will help with housework ( and now she has finished uni, without me having to ask). Your mum may find it hard to come to terms with and a little bit of support goes a long way :) zeb has said it all, if she could join us here it is a brilliant forum for support and information. I wish you and your mum well :)

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Chloe you sound like a dream daughter. As the others have said just listening and being there can help a lot. We find having to do any "heavy work" really awful and anything that involves having to stretch right up or down so any housework that requires those movements really tire us out so if you could give her a hand with those it would be great. I don;t know what your cooking skills are like but another thing we love is a proper meal rather than a TV dinner and the one thing we are normally incapable of doing most of the time is a proper meal, if you could prepare the veg and perhaps help with getting things in and out of the oven I am sure she would appreciate it. Also giving her a bit of pampering would be great. I don't mean taking her to a Spa as i know they are too expensive but perhaps offering to wash and blow dry her hair or doing her nails all would make her feel better and cherished. Thank you for being so caringx

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What a lovely reply Rosewine and yes! hair and nails, or cooking :)

They are things I need help with these days and have just been thinking about calling a mobile hairdresser to cheer me up :) and my hubby cooks our meals :)

Healing fluffies for you :)

:) xxxsianxxx :)

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My two friends say having a mobile hairdresser was the best thing they ever did as not only did the hairdresser do their hair but both of them have become friends with the hairdressers too. I am thinking the same as everytime lately I manage to struggle to the hairdressers it always flippin rains when I come out - talk about kicking a woman when she is down. I am thinking of training hubby to dye my hair or on reflection that might be a bad move! Healing fluffies to you toox

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Aw :) Actually I'm lucky because my OH dies his own hair and is quite good at that but wouldn't trust him cutting it :o hee hee hee :D

My hand are ridden with dreadful eczema at the moment which is making washing it difficult so I thought it would be a nice perk me up. We should do it :) Let's get our hair done :) we're supposed to reward ourselves for little things we manage to achieve :)

Thanks for the fluffies they're nestling cosily :) xx

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Yes I think we should go for the hair solution. I can imagine you would be in agony with the eczema as anything with detergents in it play havoc with it. I hope the fluffies don't nest in our new hair do'sx

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The eczema is quite bad yes and painful too I have never had it affect my hands before so it's a new experience for me and I'm learning a lot everyday about the different things that I need to do or get to protect them from further damage.

Hair do's a must, now I have to find that flyer :o LOL

The fluffies wouldn't dare or they'd be barred from marshmallows for a week ;)

:P :P :P

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Don't talk about marshmallows I can just taste their fluffiness nowx

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Hi Chloeanne95. First you sound like a great person to have around. You don't give any indication on how old you are.

By all means help your Mum but don't do every thing for her as she needs to keep active. Although I am now a mother I was also the daughter of a woman who had chronic health problems.

Be the best you can be but don't forget to look after yourself.

We usually give gentle hugs but mine to you has a little more pressure :-)

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I'd just like to add that it would be lovely if you could bear with your mum if/when she gets her words muddled or can't remember what she wants to say. It doesn't help when you get laughed at or mocked, (glares in direction of own Daughter's bedroom), hugs & good luck, Julie xx

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Hi I have fibro and always get words mixed up ,and have trouble getting the words out . My husband ,aldest son 28 with learning difficulties ,daughter 25 my youngest son 20 all find it amusing and have a giggle , I shout at them and say I can't help it it's fibro fog . I do know my husband is trying to understand and the kids/ adult of witch I am finding hard to let go if you know want I mean grow up do there own things I constant worry about every thinking . And they don't understand ever and I just laugh it off as I know they love me as much maybe not quite as much as I love them. (But it's really nice to have a break away from them ) not nastily but for some me time I have been a mum from 17 years old ,had my eldest to contend with his disability even now at 28 . Depression stress as when my daughter whent to secondary school she needed extra help that she was not getting and pick on because of it and I uesed to have to drag her to school and when I got there because of the state of her crying they sent me home with her very distressing for both me and her I eventually got her move schools it took some really good understanding teachers to finely get her in to school and the extra help she needed and is a lovely daughter who has just found out she is expecting so I will be a granny but she is still at home what next I wonder as I said they make fun of me but sometimes that's not a bad thing as I would cry other wise and it's not meant cruelly x Cherokee

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Someone who understands how lovely. I think your mum will do great. It will mean everything. X

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Hi cloeanne95,

I agree with everyone here - how lovely of you!

Also second the "bear with her during word-muddles" - it's so hard trying to get out what you mean!

I would add, for me at least, the frustration of it all, and the pain, can lead to a shortness of temper: it is not you, and it is not even her, it is the fibromyalgia - please, if she suffers with this, don't hold it against her, be patient, and know she wouldn't talk that way if she could help it!

I also agree with the comment about offering, but don't do everything: the more we do ourselves the better we fair for longer, and it is so quick and easy to feel completely useless, so don't take everything from her, but offer :-) It sounds like you might be that way inclined already though! :-)

Listening is a big thing.

Personally though I love distraction from it! Comedies (tv or radio) are helpful! And also the pampering others suggest: soak feet in warm (or cool if preferred: my feet are constantly on high-heat for some reason!) with some nice scent in them is a great treat!

Most of all: continue to love her.

It's so hard for her, but it is so hard to watch someone you love in pain also, no one is denying your struggle. But continue to love her, ask her, remind her it's ok to tell you when something "is just plain shitty" (sorry, but sometimes swearing helps!!) and remind her you love her.

Stay in touch on here if it helps you too xxxx

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Thankyou babygirl, I love soooooooooo much and between ur back pain and my fibro love, we'll get through this together with a good few laughs along the way!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Hi kmc :) are you mum?

xxx sian

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I am Sian, my lovely 19yr old suffers with chronic back pain and it is just as frustrating for her as my fibro is for me, especially when trying to get help from the medical profession!!

But apart from the odd 'urrrgh' moments we support each other as best we can. She makes a mean coffee! xx

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It is so lovely to know you have that kind of support I wish my hubby made a mean coffee!

He is good at cooking though so he makes up for it :D

We are here anytime if you'd like to know anything or even just have a good whinge which, I'm sure you know that already :)

If you like to have a giggle there is often virtual nonsense of somekind going on :P

Lovely to meet you both and sending you both some more fluffies

Looking forward to seeing you both around

:) xxxsianxxx :)

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Yup, thats my mum:-) xxx

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{{{{{ Chloeanne }}}}}

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Sweetheart, if your mum hasn't been to a pain clinic, she should. It's made my life bearable. Other things are to listen to her, most people family included just blow us off because we look okay from the outside. If she needs some help around the house, or going to the store's that would be a big help. It's good to let her keep as active as she is able, but sometimes we over do it on a decent day not knowing when there might be another and pay for it afterwards. I'm so proud of you, my daughter lives 600 miles away and doesn't even check in and she's all I have left as the rest of my family has passed away now except one uncle and he's in bad shape and up in age. Your Mum is very lucky to have such a caring child!!! xxx Mitzi

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