Fibromyalgia Action UK
38,695 members50,959 posts

PIP assessment.

Today I have my PIP assessment and I’m so nervous. I know how badly my Fibro and ME affect me yet I feel like I’ve got to prove to these strangers that I’m disabled enough to deserve financial help from the government.

I’ve been unable to work for the past 6 months, financially my partner & I are on our ass and yet everywhere says we can’t get help because he earns too much.

I’d like to challenge them to live on what we currently do and still tell me we earn too much.

He’s a soldier and so he can be away anytime and for any length of time which leaves me struggling to do daily tasks. The army don’t consider me as anything as I’m ‘just’ his girlfriend and therefore I don’t count as a spouse despite the fact that we live together as if we are married and have done for two years.

It’s getting me down so much having to rely on him financially and I’m at my wits end. I can’t even go to the shop to buy milk if we run out at home because he needs his card on him in case they have to go out on a training exercise for days on end at short notice and I have 0 money in my account.

The stress surely can’t be helping with my recovery or pain management levels yet that’s not a concern for the government. :(

Sorry for the rant. I’m stressed about this morning as I’m having to go alone (Army couldn’t give him the day off to come with me) and I have no family down south with us and my friends all live miles away.

Hope you’re all having pain free days. You deserve them ❤️

37 Replies
oldestnewest

Bless you Hun, I’m so sorry you’re suffering. No need to apologise for the rant either, that’s what we’re here for...to listen and support you when you’re having a rough day etc.

I’m keeping everything crossed for you that it goes well for you today Hun. Please let us know how you get on.

Please take care of yourself my dear friend, if I lived near you I’d happily go with you 😊. Wrap up warm and lots of love and hugs to you my lovely friend xxx🤗🤗❤️

1 like
Reply

Thank you so much @miss68. You are always so kind and so supportive. I’m truly blessed to have you in my virtual life.

I will post again later to update how things went this morning. I’m just hoping I don’t end up in too much pain from having to drive myself there and wheel myself around! 😔

You are super wonderful, thank you 💖

Lots of love and hugs to you, you Earth bound angel 😘 xxxx

1 like
Reply

Morning sweetie my heart ❣ truly goes out to you. Please remember to take everything that you can to support your claim form even appointment letters and that will also show how many times that you have attended your appointment. I can hear how difficult it is for you. It really saddens me to hear that you are also struggling for food. Is there no way that your boyfriend can leave you some money in case you run out of things. Or one of your neighbours could they not help you until you’re boyfriend returns home. I wish you all the luck in the world 🌍 and I truly hope that you get your pip. Please let us know how you get on sweetie. Love and hugs 🤗🤗🌹🌹😘😘🤞👍

1 like
Reply

Hello @Jan101 @Springwater @rosewine and @Bananas5 💕 Thank you so much for your lovely comments. I got upset after going to the meeting as I felt the lady was rude a few times but that could just be me being sensitive.

I’m having one of those low days where I’m feeling very frustrated and down about being unwell. I get annoyed with the fact that it’s an invisible illness and therefore I have no solid visible proof that I suffer so much.

We keep small change around the house so that if I get desperate I can go and get things. It’s just money in general is a big concern of ours at the moment. We live in an expensive area of the U.K. due to where my partner is based and as I’m ‘just’ a girlfriend in the eyes of the army, we can’t live in quarters as they are for the married servicemen and women.

I really appreciate that you are all here for me on my good and my bad days. Having a virtual community of wonderful people makes me feel so comforted knowing that I am not facing this alone or without understanding. It is easy for those who do not suffer to have opinions but only we know the facts.

My partner is my absolute rock. He works so hard and so many hours. He does all the cooking. He does the cleaning (apart from the bathroom - that one he refuses to do - makes him feel sick) and he does all our washing. He does all the grocery shopping. He cares for me. He does all the driving. I’d honestly be completely lost without him. I am blessed.

I thank you all again for your wonderful and continued support. Bless you all.

Love & light to each of you 💝 xxxxxxxxx

2 likes
Reply

Golly it’s sounds lonely despairing situation your partner being your main support bread winner must make you feel very low when you can’t contribute when he gives so much & you want to help firstly the member who’s an army wife I’m sure will be of a great help as I know nothing of army life your accommodation etc

What I can say is you’ve been to your assessment it’s done that is 100% stress that You do not need

I think scratching about for change for milk I really felt for you as you need your own little bit of money for you

I live in Ascot in Berkshire and if I can be of any help to you

You didn’t mention family friends support when your partner is away

As for benefit it’s not easy but it is attainable I personally have had 3 appeals and won them all in time I’ve had fibromyalgia for 4 years it turned my life upside down but there is sunshine and light at the end of tunnel

Anything I can help you with I will try

Samx

Reply

Good morning Sam,

Thank you for your kind words & support.

It does get lonely, especially when the majority of our tiny village is elderly people and the nearest city is 11 miles away by car.

I’m in contact with Bananas5 by private message and she’s been fantastic already. The support on this website astounds me 💖

I’m sorry to sound silly but where is Berkshire in relation to Wiltshire? I’m very geographically challenged 🙈

I have no family where we live. I left all my family and friends to be down here with him (no regrets at all, it’s been the making of me besides being unwell). I have friends in Southampton but that’s over an hours drive away and driving isn’t an option when it causes me so much pain/being on the pain meds I am. When he was in Canada for 3 and a bit months last April-August, I worked 50+ hours a week (health was doing alright then), then on my days off I was so tired I wanted to rest and relax. I also used to do 5 mile walks/bike rides a few times a week. Think that’s why I also am finding this so hard as I was very busy despite having CFS.

I really really appreciate your offer of help, just having a place to vent & such beautiful people who want to support me is uplifting. Thank you 😘

Georgia-Mai x

Reply

Hi there

As you said army South Aldershot is South I assumed there or deepcut your In Wiltshire I’m 15 miles from Aldershot Ascot were they have the horse racing not far from Windsor (castle)I to walked the dogs mile every day never stopped loved life full on never stopped my diagnosis is fibromyalgia cfs

Was going to say do they have a fibromyalgia group cfs group near if you can’t drive maybe one of the group could pick you up I’ve never been but you being totally isolated some groups go for coffee etc fortnightly monthly my only advice is don’t threat about pip it’s wasted energy stress will flare you up it will come and you will feel more I dependant with you little bit

The biggest gift you have is your partner having your back

You did make me smile with your geography I’m 200 odd miles from you

Message me if you need support

Samx

1 like
Reply

Hello :)

Oh wow, that sounds like a lovely place to live. I bet it's beautiful where you are. It's definitely beautiful here.

I'm looking into support groups at the moment to see if there are any that are relatively local to myself that I could attend.

I'm incredibly lucky that he does have my back. He keeps me laughing on the bad days and loves me unconditionally. I am blessed.

Haha, that's a lot further than I thought it :| I kind of thought you might maybe be a 45 minute drive away or something. Oh lord, my Geography lands me in some funny potholes.

Hope you're managing to have a good day today!

xx

Reply

Yes it’s very country where I live at the mo im in hospital been in a week haven’t looked website for 2. Weeks I’ve always put it down to fibromyalgia but been in excruciating pain month let me home in a wheel chair last thurs then bought in Sunday so tests flat on my back in a lot of pain

When I read about the milk it really struck a cord in your predicament there’s me in a private hospital that’s why I replied if you had been in aldershot I could of helped you some way or you could of come over to my house or something I know totally what it’s like to be isolated I also the other side of struggling as you are I’ve been with my husband 33 years & I know without him by my side I would be lost was going to send you over a milk parcel lol

Keep In touch Samx

Reply

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re stuck in hospital. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re suffering so much. :(

I’d definitely be lost without my OH. He’s so strong for both of us & he’s such a gentle soul. I’m really glad you have a wonderful husband by your side 💖

A milk parcel? That’s incredibly kind of you. What an absolute love you are. I am shocked and astounded at the kindness of others!

Take care and rest up please xx

Reply

Hello my love my heart goes out to you these assessments are never easy you don't need to worry about ranting we are here for you on good or bad days please let us know how it goes.My grateful thanks to your partner for the amazing work they do may god bless you both xxx

2 likes
Reply

It is a horrible situation to be in. I do hope all goes well today and you get the money you deserve. Let us know how you get on.x

2 likes
Reply

Hello chronicallyfabulous

Would you like to message me? I am the wife of a former serviceman and have lots of experience dealing with welfare, support, finances and the like for wives and girlfriends of all soldiers, sailors and airmen

I would love to help you

x

1 like
Reply

Hi that's what we are all here for, the good and the bad days, so rant away. I am sorry your going through such a horrible time at the min. Pip is so stressful, and the waiting.

My last pip assessment was horrible and the man and my oh had words about the way he was treating me, I thought I would never get it then after that, but I did. Now 18 months on going through it again, and it's stressful.

If only we could just let them spend a day in our bodies they might just get it.

Hope you get what you deserve, fingers crossed.

Take care trace x

1 like
Reply

I completely agree @milo4. If they could spend even an hour living in the type of pain we do, they wouldn’t dare give us shade over how many days a week we need help or feel low etc.

My partner wanted to go straight down to the assessment centre and have it out with the woman for the comments she made to me as he is so protective, especially if anyone ever speaks to me with disregard for my illness as he sees the behind doors side.

I’m so worried that I’m going to have to go through an appeal. We can only hope.

Besides your stress with PIP, I hope you are having a Fibro monster free day.

Love & light 💕

Reply

I know this sounds insane, but maybe you should get married? Just a quickie wedding at city hall, or something, so the military treats you right?

1 like
Reply

I'm living off my partner due to losing my PIP, too. It leaves you feeling so powerless, doesn't it? *Comfort*

Reply

Have you not applied for ESA?

x

1 like
Reply

Yeah, I'm in support group, and get HB, but that leaves me £200 a month to live on after rent. :/

Reply

DWP say...DLA/PIP is a tax free, non means tested benefit, to help meet the extra costs of living with a disability or chronic illness/

Right?

Wrong.

Truth. Out of work benefits are so appallingly low that in reality people use there DLA/PIP to pay basics like food, heating and rent.

x

1 like
Reply

Exactly!!

Reply

It does leave you feeling very powerless. Hope you’re okay x

1 like
Reply

Thanks.

Reply

Morning sweetie I hope that everything has gone really well for you. I know the lady was a bit rude to you. However things still might be ok for you. I know it’s a very long and stressful waiting time to see the outcome. Please stay strong and hopefully everything will be ok in the end. I see that Bananas 5 has offered you some support it would be good if you speak to her on pm.

I hope that you don’t mind me asking when you said that you lived in a very expensive part of the UK did you mean Surrey ? I know that a lot of soldiers are based in aldershot or deepcut and I don’t live far from there myself.

I wish you all the luck in the world 🌍 and I truly hope that you get everything that you deserve. Love and hugs 🤗🤗🌹🌹😘😘👍

Reply

Morning @Jan101. Thank you for another lovely message this morning 💕 I have messages Bananas5 and we’re currently chatting privately to see what support she knows of. It’s so kind of her to go that extra mile for a stranger. You’re all so kind on here. I sometimes feel out of my depth being so young in this situation.

I’m doing my best to stay strong and to stay positive, it just gets so hard sometimes.

I’m living in Wiltshire. It’s an ‘area of outstanding natural beauty’ which makes it more expensive to live in. When I planned to move down here last April we were buying a new build but we had to pull out as my partner was being deployed on a three months training exercise and the build was nowhere near completion - 3 months after we were told it would be move in ready. So we had to find somewhere to rent and the place we’re in was the cheapest we could find at the time and trust me, it’s not cheap, especially not for what we have. We could afford it when we first moved in as I was working 50 hours a week & Matthew was obviously on a salary. Now I’m not able to work and it’s getting so hard financially.

I’ve got a conditional offer to study at university of Surrey starting September and that’s stressing me out as Surrey is also so expensive to live in. With my health needs and history, living in halls would be a nightmare. Tried it before (2012) and 7 months in I was medically discharged with Anorexia weighing a little over 5 stone. I have anxiety as well and I just couldn’t cope with the partying, noise levels, being surrounded by strangers etc and I’m scared to risk halls again even though I’m older as I fear it could cause a relapse.

Sorry for the outpouring there 🙄

Thank you for all your luck and love. You are a wonderful soul.

All my love, light and cuddles to you 💖💖💖

2 likes
Reply

Bit of advice...best not to disclose where you live on an open forum. Use the county only.

x

Reply

Thank you! Didn’t think of that x

Reply

Hi sweetie I am pleased for you that Banana5 is trying to help you. That is really kind of her to do that for you.

I can fully understand why it would be difficult for you to live in halls and to be completely honest I agree with you it wouldn’t be suitable for you with your health issues.

I was hoping that you lived nearby as we could of met up for a coffee. However it is a bit too far from me.

I was like you some years ago I went down to about 5 stone and no one knew why. I had to get all my clothes altered to fit me.

I am truly sorry to hear that you suffer from Anorexia and anxiety and of course all of this that is going on doesn’t help you. It really does bring a tear to my eye. Is there any of your family or friends that could come and visit you. You really need someone to be with you and give you some support besides your boyfriend. I know he is a very kind and a lovely man and he is totally committed to you.

Never ever be sorry for letting out your worries as it’s really the best thing that you can do and you know now you have us to listen to you and help you the best that we can.

Try and think off the good things that you have in your life today and say to yourself that there are people a lot worse than yourself. The most important things is you have love in your life and that in its self is a wonderful thing.

Now let’s keep our fingers crossed 🤞 that all will go well with your PIP. and please try not to think about it to much as the outcome will come soon enough.

My heart ❣ goes out to you my sweet angel 😇. Take good care of yourself and please remember to think about the good things in your life. You have a roof over your head you have clothes and you have all the love 💕 that you could ever need.

Love and hugs sweet girl. 🤗🤗🌹🌹😘😘😇

2 likes
Reply

Just ask you the same as I asked chronicallyfabulous,,,,,could you change the village where she lives to the county only please. Wiltshire

x

1 like
Reply

I will reply to this beautiful message this afternoon Jan. I’m going to go & sit in our tiny garden to listen to the birds singing for a wee while. Thank you, you beautiful lady x

1 like
Reply

Enjoy yourself sweetie. 🤗🤗🌹🌹😘😘

1 like
Reply

Hello lovely Jan101

I'm back indoors now after pruning my bush (Ooh-er) and getting some fresh air. My wrists are hurting but it's been nice to listen to the birds and make the front garden look less like an abandoned wasteland.

I may have no option but to apply to live in halls if we can't afford for me to commute/rent nearer to the university, but it would be a last, last resort for me because of my previous experience.

I'm sorry I'm so far aware, a coffee would have been lovely. You can never have too many friends in this life and I am only ever a little message on here away if you fancy a chat.

I no longer suffer from Anorexia fortunately. I have been in recovery now for 3 years. It was a hard road and it was paved with relapses but I made it and I don't look backwards. Nothing good ever hangs behind in you in the background. Thoroughly why I believe our bums are behind us too!! But thank you, it can be devastating and incompatible with life for many sufferers and I am thankful that I had the strength to become a survivor. I'm also sorry to hear that you experienced a similar experience, it truly is hard to come back from! Well done to you.

My family and friends work full-time and those that don't, don't drive, so it can be difficult to find times when they don't already have plans to make the two hour+ drive to come down and see me/us. I do have a lot of friends who message me a lot and make sure that I am well and give me people to talk to, but as you sure know, it's not the same actually human contact.

You have a beautiful attitude towards life than on good days I share with you. I try to hold in mind those who don't have food, shelter, clothing, love, warmth, hope, family, friends and a whole host of things that I am so very lucky to possess. Life could be so much worse for me than it is, it's just a case of keeping my head above water when those negative thoughts creep in and the pain feels all too much.

I also try to keep myself positive by being there for those who I love and that love me when they need someone to talk to. As I am often at home alone when OH is at work, I am always available for them to talk to no matter what it's about. I send surprise cards, handwritten letters and the like to those I hold dear as I think that a random act of kindness can bring some good our way. It's nice to share the joy we have in life.

Love, hugs and light to you, you wonderful lady (L)

P.s. I am not great with those emoji things, I have no idea how to create them on my laptop :') so my messages may seem a bit bland! My bad! xxx

1 like
Reply

Morning sweetie I am pleased to hear that you managed to do some of your garden and listen to the birds. It was a lovely sunny day yesterday but very cold. I hope that you didn’t get to cold.

It’s lovely to hand write cards and letters these days because so many people do everything by computers theses days.

I am so pleased that you managed to get over the anorexia I can only imagine how difficult it was for you. When I lost all the weight I think it may of been down to stress as I was going through a stressful time. It’s a really good attitude that you have never to look back. I also very much believe in never looking back as there is no point.

I know how you feel about being far from family and friends as for many years I lived far from my family and it was difficult for them to come and visit. They did manage to come from time to time and I would go and see the but it was only a couple of times a year.

Yes I agree it’s unfortunate that we live so far from one another it would of been lovely to meet up for a coffee.

I can see that you have a good outlook on life and are in control of your life and that can make you one of life’s survivors and that is a very good thing to have in life. Someone told that to me many years ago and I have never forgotten that and it made me a lot stronger to deal with what ever came in front of me and I can see that in you too.

Well I must get on now sweetie please take care of yourself and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Love and hugs 🤗🤗🌹🌹😘😘

1 like
Reply

Morning lovely :)

I completely agree, it does often feel like everything is done virtually these days and handwritten letters and cards are so much nicer in my opinion. You can hold on to them and I believe they can give you a sense of feeling closer to the person who wrote them. They're also more personal and show that you've put some thought and effort into sending them.

What a lovely thing for you to have said to you and thank you for passing it on to me. It's such a lovely sentiment and I will hold that thought close in my mind when I am having a bad day. I have pertinent quotes around my home that give me perspective when I need it as well which is helpful.

I hope you are having a wonderful weekend. I've just sat down to do some college work with my OH has an afternoon filled with football :)

Take care and keep in touch please xxxxxx

1 like
Reply

Morning sweetie I hope that you had a lovely weekend. I am very pleased to pass that onto you as I feel that you will use it and it will definitely give you the strength that you need to get through the really tuff times.

Yes it’s very personal and people will always keep your letters and cards.

Well it’s snowing here this morning very heavy and that’s the first time that we have had snow this year.

Well I must get on now and start my day. Take good care of yourself sweetie and have a lovely day. Love and hugs 🤗🤗🌹🌹😘👍

1 like
Reply

Hello m'love! I did end up having a lovely weekend. Despite a flare of my symptoms last night, overall it was a good weekend. Managing to do short walks for three days in a row helped to boost my positivity and some quality time with OH always helps.

I definitely agree. I still have letters that my Grandmother and I exchanged when I went away to university the first time and since she has passed, these have been of great comfort to me.

Oh lovely, hope it's not causing you too much disruption. We've had the most pathetic snow showers here today so far. Tiny flakes that are barely visible. It's unlikely to cause any problems here, lol!

Have a wonderful day today. I hope you're managing to keep the fibro-monster in its cage!

Love and light to you 🌹🌹

Reply

I am so pleased for you that you had a lovely weekend. It really makes a difference to our health when we are having a lovely time. Things never seem so bad.

That is really lovely that you still have your grandmothers letters they will feel very special to you now that your grandmother has passed away. It really lovely to treasure all sorts of things when we are going through our life’s.

No sweetie the snow has all gone now and the sun 🌞 is out. However it’s absolutely freezing cold and it’s going to get colder I hear and more snow ⛄️. We have been really lucky in this part of the country as we haven’t had any snow for a few years now.

Take good care of yourself sweetie and stay lovely and warm. Love and hugs 🤗🤗🌹🌹😘😘

1 like
Reply

You may also like...