Fibromyalgia Action UK

Partner with fibro

Hi there!

My girlfriend has chronic fibromyalgia and joint hyper mobility, she has a lot of pain everyday but some days its less than others, but I wanted to ask for some advice and maybe understand a bit more about the conditions and what I can do to help!

Just to make myself a little clearer, I don't want to baby her, I know having any condition doesn't warrant being treated like a child and she's still a functioning adult, but I want to know how to maybe make things easier for her and maybe help her a little.

Thanks so much in advance! Xoxo

12 Replies

Encourage her to get a job...that’s the most important bit of advice I can give you xx


Hi! I have joint hypermobility and Fibro too. It's very easy to injure a joint and it's pain lasts a long time. I'd suggest gentle exercises and decent stretching before anything physical.

Unfortunately it's not something that others can help with. It may just be a case of lightning her load a bit.


Thank you for helping me out!

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Help more in the home. I can not excersize with out more pain. I go to the town most days or supermarket and count this as walking. I find volterol helps.

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Firstly well done on searching for ways to help and respecting she is still an adult... people seem to struggle with that one!

I would like to just disagree with pushing her to get a job - maybe she already has one? but if not, she has to be ready in her health to do so and she might not be.. ever. Pushing her to get one will make her feel useless and feel worse if she overdoes it.

If she doesn't have a job, I would recommend supporting her to find a hobby to do at home which she finds relaxing and possible with the pain - this could be painting, reading or just something to allow her to escape a bit. In time this could develop into something freelance and home based.

Taking the load of her housework wise would be a major one - cleaning, shopping, cooking - all of these can be really painful tasks... make it clear you don't mind or resent her for doing it.

Be there to listen to what she has to say, ask how she wants help and ask if she can actually do things like days out - or if she wants you to get a wheelchair (you can borrow them at most national trusts and art galleries - that revelation changed my life).

Also recognise, she might want to spend time with her friends too - or a support group - and try to enable this. This could mean dropping her off, doing all the housework so she has the energy, etc. It will help her feel more positive.

Most of all don't treat her differently, recognise that the condition varies and that sometimes she will do something that will make her feel worse - and sometimes she won't want to.



Thank you so much for the help!

She cant get a job right now but she always says if she could, she'd be out of that door and working her butt off.

She likes to draw and she's very good at it so I try and support her love of art. She also loves playing video games? So she's teaching me to play the same games so we can play them together on her bad days when she can't leave the house and she's loving it!

I don't think I've ever seen her as different from anyone else? I guess the way I've always seen her is she's my partner and she's amazing in so many ways that things like medical conditions don't change anything about that. But I can understand how some people might treat people with them differently.


How lucky she is to have a partner like you! it's difficult with fibro because you don't look like there's anything wrong with you but it really is a nightmare to live with because everywhere hurts and simple tasks are unmanageable which can really get you down and make you feel useless. I would say the most important thing you could do is to help out around the house cleaning toilets washing floors, all these tasks will now be too difficult for your partner to manage and if she pushes herself to complete them then unfortunately there will be a painful price to pay for hours or even days. try not to make a big fuss of it and don't wait for her to ask you to do the jobs (having to ask for help is a painful reminder of what she can no longer do) try to look at house through her eyes and if you see something that needs doing something thats untidy or anything a bit grubby it makes a world of difference for these things to be sorted because I can speak for experience and it's very frustrating and emotionally challenging when you can't do these things and yet you're surrounded visually with the things that you can no longer do. try and make her space a nice relaxing place to be, a shoulder massage would be nice every now and then and I'm sure she wouldn't mind flowers! Also keep in mind when making plans especially involving family etc that she may well not be up to it or have to pull out at the last minute it's not by choice it's simply that her body will not let her do these things so she doesn't need to be made to feel guilty.

Warmest wishes to both of you


Thank you so much for the help!

I'm 22 and she's 24.

I do offer her massages for wherever hurts the most on that day and I like bringing her flowers when I can, she does tell me she feels safer doing certain things when I'm there, like having a bath, because she has a bath lift but she still gets a bit shakey getting out, I guess? So when I'm there and she's ready to get out I kind of act as a leaning post.

I've experienced the cancellation thing a lot before, I never used to know why but when she explained she physically can't do it sometimes, I started to understand little by little, but I've never made a big deal out of her cancelling or not feeling up to things some days.

Because we don't live together yet, (she lives with her aunt and has done all her life) we message a lot on Facebook and stuff, but shes told me some days its so bad she can't even pick up the phone to text so she just lays there listening to music,

When she told me about that i wanted to do something special, so I got a voice recorder box that are inside teddy bears and made a fluffy paw and put the box inside so when she presses it she can hear my voice, she said she loves it and listens to it every night so I think it made her happy :)

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Awwww you sound so supportive, she’s lucky to have you. It’s important that she doesn’t isolate her to much. So if she’s having a better day, try to get her out to see friends, or whatever she would,like to do. Might help her to find a local Fibromyalgia Support Group, check online to find nearest. My OH, does all cooking and cleaning, helps me with bathing and undressing if needed. His logic is that, if he does it then I don’t get wiped out by Chronic Fatigue side of it and then I can do Hydotherapy, Qi Qing (just started) which is so gentle and ai can sit down when I need to. Epsom Salt baths help a lot.

Having love n cuddles and someone supportive does make such a difference.

Wish more partners were you. You can always come on this site and ask anything. Is she getting the right benefits as well? You can always PM me.

Good luck


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Thank you so so much!

I was unsure if it would seem wrong for me to post here as I don't have fibro myself. But everyone has been nothing but amazing to me!

I'll definitely start looking into groups and things like that.

Your OH and I share the same logic, haha!

She did try to go swimming once but she was wiped out before she got in the pool, but she's stubborn so she pushed herself to do one lap at least, out of determination, but when she got out she definitely paid the price for it..and her doctor told her off for pushing herself to hard.

We've got this thing going where if her backs hurting the most for example, I'll hug her arm or her leg instead so I don't cause anymore pain but we can still snuggle.

As far as I know she's on the right benefits but I will talk to her and make sure.

I'll also look into Epsom salt baths as I've never heard of it before. Thanks again for the help!


Needs to be a very warm pool, like a hydrotherapy pool, kids swimming pools are warmer. If she tries just floating or walk-in in pool at first. You literally have to start with baby steps. If the pool says no, you could get letter from GP saying she needs the warm pool. My hydrotherapy pool in Peckham, is like sliding into a bath, bliss. Magnesium tablets and or magnesium spray can help. I take mine at night to help sleep. Like with most things with Fibro, always start on low dosage and build up slowly even if bottle says take 3 tabs, start with 1 and only increase if she’s ok with it.


Hi, I have just remembered about the Actipatch, which if you google it, may show you can get a Trial sample and just pay for p&p. I put it on most painful bits eg at mo both shoulders pain is through roof. I put on with surgical tape. I leave mine on for days, when nerve pain is bad can leave on up to a week, except when in water. I also use a handheld massager, so many on market, which you could on your gf.


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