Feeling very alone

Hi everyone,

I find that I feel very alone at work. I get the weekends off and sometimes I watch my beautiful grandchildren. I take a Monday off because I feel so tired afterwards.

I find tha that my colleagues dònt understand my condition and say what a waste of your holidays. I try to explain my condition but they don't understand. I also find that they all go on about booking holidays and what fun they all have. I find I don't book holidays because in the past I've been unwell and felt I spoilt everyone's fun so now I go days away at a time when I feel up to it. I now feel people feel they have nothing in common with me so when they're all speaking at tea breaks they don't even look my way. Dose anyone else feeĺ like this as it's really getting me down.

13 Replies

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  • I unfortunately had to give up work through ill health but I felt rather like that the last year of working as my husband had a mental breakdown and we could not go on a holiday. My job share used to go in three exotic foreign holidays and everyone working there seemed to do the same.

    I now go out with a group of old school friends once every 6 weeks and they are all retired and fit and we have to fit in dates around their holidays, one has already been 4 foreign holidays this year. They have nice people but they keep on talking about days out and holidays and grandchildren and I actually think I inhabit another world. We haven't had a holiday or proper day out for 6 years and have no children😧. We were definately going to have a holiday this year but my husband was diagnosed with cancer in January and hopefully will be starting radiotherapy so that will be the summer taking care of eg hospital 5 days a week. Not how I expected my retirement to be. Therefore,I can totally see where you are coming from.

    I try and count my blessings of a supportive marriage, a house we own,a little runaround and enough money to live on but apart from the marriage I would trade all that to be fit, back at work and in charge of my own destiny and what I do eg a lovely holiday.

    I admire you for still working it must be so hard. Have you given your colleagues a print out of how fibro affects us as they might then understand what you are up against. I dont think you will stem the holiday talk as even my best friend can't shut up about hers but hopefully they will understand why you feel the need to take your holidays so you can recover from the days you work. Take care.x

  • Thank you rose wine, I'm so sorry to hear your husband is so I'll especially after a nervous breakdown. I had a breakdown about 20years ago.

    My husband helped me get through it. He's also so understanding about my fibroudmialga he really looks after me when I'm tired and sore. I agree with you I have a lot to be thankful for😊 I used to go for weekends with friends and colleagues but found trying to keep up with everyone made me I'll. I've tried to explain my condition but I feel they don't want to know anymore. And I don't get asked to anymore trips as I couldn't manage to go to a lot of them. I don't mind listening to their holiday talk as I'm genuinely happy for them. But just wish they would understand my condition

    Thank you for your lovely reply

    Angela x

  • Breakdowns are terrible things as unless you have had one or lived with someone who has I think it is difficult to understand how encompassing they are in every aspect of a person's life.

    I think often those of us who are ill put on this brave face to outsiders, I know I do and some people don't look beyond that.

    I understand what you are saying about trips. I know I had to refuse a trip down to London with this group as I knew physically I just wouldn't be able to hack it. They said well we will be sitting on the coach and then at the theatre for the first day so you won't have to do anything. They couldn't understand it was the sitting in one place for hours that would knock me up for days. New person who found she couldn't go for family reasons offered me her place free I think she thought I couldn't afford to go. I just didn't want to have to spend the next two days in the hotel recovering enough to get back on the coach to come home instead of joining them on all their planned outings! I have gone to the theatre with them occasionally but have had to erase the next couple of days from putting anything in my diary as I know how it knocks me about. I wish we could wave a magic wand.x

  • It's such a comfort to discuss these problems with people who understand

    Thank you rose wine,

    I also get constant migraines, which also restrict my life.

    I wish you well and take care

    Angela x

  • Yes, i feel that way too. Like every conversation is forced and weird. But honestly i don't have enough in common with them anymore. & i have nothing to say to those people either. They are all wrapped up in drama that they have caused and i can't play that game anymore. I've sort of pushed all those people away with blunt honesty and my unwillingness to read the parts that they want me to play. I am tired of saying what people want me to say to carry polite conversation. I would much rather watch the trees.

    My point of view of life has changed greatly as my fibro has progressed and as I've aged and became a parent. I really don't have much to say to many people.

    Sorry. I hate that you have to deal with it at work. I am lucky enough to be a homeschooling stay at home mom. So even working i don't have to deal with outsiders. I love it. I hated working with the public and did it for a long time.

    Anyways, sorry i probably didn't make you feel much better.

    Take care××

  • No naturalnikki, in fact your honesty is refreshing. I'm so relieved to feel I'm not alone Thank you.

    I'm seriously thinking about stopping my work as it's getting so hard for me physically and mentally

    Once again Thank you and take care x

  • Hi Benoua I see you have recently joined the forum, so firstly I'd like to welcome you and it nice to meet you.

    I completely know where you are coming from my friend and I'm sure there will be lots of others who will also know. The only way I could manage to work when I became worse was to work for a week & then I would practically be at the point of collapse, then I would have a week off & Most of it would be spent in bed lol I even worked 2 wks at a time & then have 2 wks off. It's the only way I could cope.

    We are always here my friend to chat and it's very difficult to understand something you can't see. I think ppl.do empathise but forget very quickly either because they haven't got time to listen or understand. It is also easy to ignore because, what can they say & lastly, unless you have fibro, you can not truly comprehend the condition.

    Don't forget we live in a world that for many many years doctors & medical professional's have been proclaiming to the world, its all in our heads & we just think we are in pain lol. I think things are slowly changing and it's got to get better, that's what I keep telling myself anyway 😀

    Do you take much medication or have you been taking for a while ?.

    Peace, luv n light

    Jan xx

  • Thank you janet28, I take co-codamal at the moment and get acupuncture which is wonderful. I've also got an appointment for the pain clinic on the 16th of June. My doc recommended I get an injection in the back of my neck as the pain there is terrible.

    Angela x

  • It's quite common for people with this condition. If you use all energy in just doing the essentials, people dont always understand and assume you dont want to know and drift away. Apart from my oldest and dearest friend going back 50 years, + one old friend which is down to the occasional phone call, I rely on my amazing family.

    This Forum is a great place to come for so many reasons. Friendly, caring, supportive. We share experiences and jokes. Happy chatter and tears. Advice too. Whatever you need, I hope you feel welcome. :) xx

  • Thank you tulips123, I have my son's and my husband and a few friends. But don't always want to bother them.

    I am very happy to have joined your forum. It's nice to be with people who understand Thank you and you take care

    Angela 😊

  • Hi Benoua

    I am so genuinely sorry to read of how you are suffering and struggling and as the others have said it is quite common with Fibro. I tend to do what I need to do and nothing more. I want to truly wish you all the best of luck with your pain clinic appointment my friend, and please take care of yourself.

    All my hopes and dreams for you

    Ken

  • Thank you so much the author,

    In going into my work this morning with a very different attitude and a very lifted heart.

    Thank you everyone for your uplifting words of support

    Bless you ken and take care

    Angela x

  • Good luck my friend x

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