Cancelling activities

[MollyD]

One of the most frustrating things is cancelling activities. I have given up choir as I couldn't reliably turn up and now my reading group is going the same way. I even have to cancel some rheumatology appointments as I can't face the train journey up to London and the battle at London Bridge. Friends have given up inviting me to things as I'm so unreliable. The increasing isolation makes the depression worse. Anyone else with this problem?

[Maya23]

Yes I know exactly what you mean. It's so isolating when you don't have the energy to keep up friendships and make it to appointments and dates. I too would struggle to go to London for appointments - I didn't pursue a referral to the london fibromyalgia clinic for that reason. Thank goodness for this community online to share our frustrations with!

[rosewine]

It is truely awful not being able to plan things with any certainty that you will be able to go ahead on the day. However understanding people are in the end they tend to give up. I am sure there are things I am now not invited to as people are unsure whether I will be well enough on the day. If it is a group thing it is not so bad as one missing can be covered up but when it is a one to one or just a few they soon seem to get tired of it.

I too am in book groups and they only had a discussion last week as we have had to join two groups together because of funding issues what will happen if someone isn't consistant in turning up as the joint group it a bit too large for comfort. I often push myself to go when I am really not well enough and then spend the next couple of days recovering so I know where you are coming from.

Most of us are what I call social anumals and need the companionship of other people to help our mental health stay strong. Could you keep in touch with people by phone call and email just to show that you are thinking about them even if you can't meet up. I like spur of the moment things now as I can say on the day whether I am up for it or not.

My heart goes out to you.x

[TheAuthor]

I am so genuinely sorry to read this and I want to sincerely wish you all the best of luck. Please take care of yourself. It may be beneficial to discuss how you are feeling with your GP?

All my hopes and dreams for you

Ken

[Hidden]

I totally understand. I have cancelled appointments and given up on hobbies and since I lost my job through ill health at the beginning of last year my friends are gradually disappearing. Two have moved away which may have happened anyway but they have asked me to visit and I just don't feel up to it and now they don't call. My other friends have just given up asking me out or have stopped visiting and even stopped emailing. I'm just glad I found this site and the friends on here. Gentle hugs Joolz.x

[MollyD]

Thank you all for your comments. By a nice coincidence one of my friends made contact and is coming round for coffee today!

[deejames]

Oh yes. I've mostly given up things because of back pain but its demoralising to see your life shrinking. I managed my book group last night but it was hard to listen to everyone talking about their exercise classes and trips up mountains, on boats and to visit far flung places. I feel so narrow and limited.

So Molly you are not alone. I do try but mostly I just give in to not going out. I'm studying instead which at least gives me some sense of moving forward.

Dee

[Midori]

Yes, I know the feeling. Friends and family fall away because you appear unreliable. It's one of the crueller manifestations of this condition, that we cannot always feel able to participate.