Hi again would really love some advice went with my partner for are first app today so we can support are daughter the first thing she said was she spoke to my daughters cbt therapist and she mentioned that we wanted home tutor for my daughter as she can't attend school due to the pain and anxiety issues my daughter was placed in a group of four children and a fantastic teacher for all in all 10 hours a week but my daughters lucky to manage 2 she's only managed to go twice but the family therapist has confused me on what to do she said if we get home tutor she want be able to go back to the group and said if she doesn't do this she could end up a recluse in a weel chair we must keep pushing her as soon as I mention this to my daughter she gets upset says she's not the one livening with the pain I also said I can't promise that she will be in every day and she said she will have to I said I don't want social workers enfold and she says it's looking that way as I was leavening she said she was just giving her opinion she said I don't want you leavening here feeling like you've been bullied I don't know what to do for the best do I keep pushing my daughter and watch her when she's do des tresses so she can cope when she leaves school like socialising and maybe a little job maybe collage

4 Replies

  • Hi Hollie,

    I'm so sorry that you and your poor daughter are going through such a miserable and taxing time at the moment.

    I can only speak from my own experience and that is that when I wa your daughter's age, due to illness (Fibro probably but not recognised as such plus other health issues) I had to have a one on one private tutor for a year, and I can honestly say it was the worst thing I had ever experienced. If she was having a "rough" time then she just took it out on me! So I would recommend trying to stick with the group if she can and they surely understand that with such complex medical conditions she can't always come. Of course you know your daughter better than anyone but don't let the family therapist talk you into doing something which you and your daughter too, might regret.

    She is at a very vulnerable age, which if not handled correctly could have knock on effects for the rest of her life. have you not been given any guidance from her GP as to what the long term outlook is ? If not I would pursue that avenue very quickly - it's all within their remit to make the best possible decisions for your daughter.

    Anyway, I'm sending lots and lots of positive, healing and strengthening vibes for your daughter😊😊

    Foggy x

  • I am so genuinely sorry to read of the situation that you have found yourself in through no fault of yourself or of your daughter. My initial reaction was to think how unfair it is all is, and how unfairly you have been treated forcing you into a corner and to try and make a decision one way or the other. But on reflection what is done is done, and now you have to chose?

    I think I agree with Foggy, and it makes sense to keep your daughter in some kind of group (in my opinion anyway) as every human being needs the chance to grow and develop socially. Maybe your daughter will struggle with this today? Or tomorrow? Or the next year? as a result of her Fibro. However, time will pass and as she grows into a woman she will need the very important social skills that integration brings.

    I fully understand how difficult all of this must feel right now, and that you may not want to upset your daughter. So please think long and hard, having a social worker at your door is probably the last thing to worry about at this time? I want to genuinely and sincerely wish both you and your daughter all the best of luck.

    All my hopes and dreams for both of you


  • My only advice would be NOT to push your daughter. I became ill at 18, my parents pushed me like hell. We don't have a very good relationship anymore. Everyone is different and you will learn how far to push her. Problem is we are agitated most of the time so it's hard to see the logic in parents pushing you when you feel your at the worst point in your life. I feel like even now my parents pick holes in me and my conditions. They didn't make it easy and there's a lot of resentment there. I didn't even turn to them when I was put on suicide watch. You have to weigh up both options as hard as it is X

  • Hi

    I have never been lucky enough to have children and my health issues only appeared in adulthood so I can't speak from experience.

    However, like the others I would have thought that social interaction with as many people as your daughter can possibly manage is very important for anyone, but particularly for the young. I would of thought that in itself is almost a medicinal treatment. These sorts of conditions are isolating enough as it is without choosing to make it so.

    As Ken says, you need to do what is right for your daughter and yourself. Her development into adulthood is almost as important as her health so don't be bullied into anything you (and she) think will be bad for her.

    Sending you and your daughter gentle hugs.


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