Really need a shoulder today

Hi all, need a little love and support from my friends today. Don't know whats happened but last couple of days I've felt myself sinking emotionally. Physically I feel pants! Total exhaustion, aches and pains. That I can deal with but the sinking feeling...yuk! today the sun is shining which usually gives me a lift but I find myself thinking of the long winter ahead, at home alone all day but for my precious doggies! I finds myself reflecting on the days when I had a purpose, a reason to get up, my job I loved, helping my clients with their new babies, bringing life into the world and supporting when that life didn't materialise.

People that I thought were friends who have vanished into thin air!

Need to find a new purpose but don't know where to begin? Who are the people I reach out to? you guys! Those who understand and don't judge. Thanks for listening.


Jo x

17 Replies

  • Hi Jo,

    Lots of gentle hugs. Yes very difficult and not fair. OK sending as much support as I can.


  • thank you Betty. And back to you too.


    Jo x

  • Hi Jo 😊

    I really really hear what you are saying and understand it completely. Although my position is slightly different at the moment as I've had an accident and pain levels increased due to that, nonetheless I know that even if it hadn't happened, this is the time of year when everything takes a nosedive, and the long winter which stretches ahead seems like a black hole waiting to engulf me. Like you though I have two doglets who give me the impetus to keep going, sometimes I wonder if it were not for them quite what I would do. Hold on to that just for now, and pour all the love that you so clearly have into them and, well I'm sure you know, you'll get it back manifold from them. They are not like the "friends" who only want to know us when we're ok, they love us unconditionally 😊

    You obviously had a very important job, from what you've said probably a midwife? Giving that up and all that went with it must be a huge wrench and I totally understand your need to find a new purpose to get yourself through the days.

    Depending on how you are feeling, it could be good to take up a hobby - I have tried a several in the last few years and last year found that therapeutic colouring was exactly what I needed to absorbe myself completely in. Now that may not be your cup of tea, but many have found it very helpful and a lot of books are available online. I've also done felting which absorbed me one winter, but last year I just looked at it and it didn't inspire me, I think that's the crux -'whatever you choose must inspire you and be completely absorbing so that it takes your mind off the pain and all the other rubbish that fibro throws at us.

    I don't know whether this may have helped you in any way, do hope it has to some degree, as I know only too well my similar situation to what you are going through at the moment and its not nice at all.

    Sending lots of positive soothing vibes your way 😊😊

    Foggy x

  • Foggy,

    thank you so much for a lovely reply. Yes I was a midwife, it was a very stressful job but I loved it so. I can't even begin to explain the joy of supporting parents through the process and watching a new life appear before my eyes. As I write this I am filling up, and then to support them to be ready to take their new baby home. even on the saddest days, to know that I was able to help mums and dads was a privilege. I hate that this illness has robbed me of this. But philosophically, it was obviously not meant to last. I agree I don't know what Id do without my 'babies'. My daughters laugh at me because I just talk to them all day long! Funnily enough I bought some Johanna Basford colouring books but they are sitting on the side looking at me saying when are you going to get on with this! I do need to re focus just not sure where.

    Again thanks

    Jo x

  • Hi again Jo,

    Now isn't that strange as it was Secret Garden which got me going. I love very small detail so the first one I did was the maze, my only problem with her books is the quality of the paper, if you use gel or felt tip pens it just goes straight through to the next page, so coloured pencils are really the best.

    I can so understand what you mean about your job, and it is exactly as I had imagined, you were a "vital" person who must have made such a difference to so many new families and those who sadly didn't get the family they had hoped for. Your compassion is tangible and I'm wondering if despite your fibro there may be some way you could form a support group for families who have lost babies, sorry this is just a stab in the dark really, but I'm sure there are many out there who could find an Internet forum very helpful to get them through the dark days they experience. I hope this makes some vague sort of sense, but it just came to me as I was typing, so I put it for thought anyway!

    All the very very best 😊😊

    Foggy x

  • Hi Foggy, I had been thinking along the same lines, or even some sort of support group for mums and dads who struggle in those first few weeks and months, or breastfeeding support ( if that's their preferred method of feeding) . I will give it some thought. I have both pens and pencils for the colouring, I'll have to brush the dust of the books and get started!


    jo x

  • Hi Jo,

    Was reading your post and can understand you missing your job, it must have been amazing watching new life being born :)

    I think Foggy has given you some very sound advice (as normal), watercolours helped my hubby when he needed distraction and I am trying my hand at scrapbooking. My daughter gave me a beautiful scrapbook wedding album so I could make it up to keep the photos of her wedding. I find it quite absorbing :)

  • thank you for your advice and support. You've provided yet more ideas for me to think about. Very much appreciated.


    Jo x

  • I feel for you, I think this time of year affects us the end of the so called Summer lol and the dreaded long dark nights coming, I always get a real downer at this time, we had a lovely weekend away for my birthday but now I've come down with a bump thinking about the Winter, but then I start to think of all the people so much worse off than me, and I give myself a ticking off, but it's so hard isn't it especially when you have had a job like yours, I do think Foggys idea about some sort of support group for families would be great with all your experience, do think about that, best of luck. I bought some colouring books ready for the Winter too 😃

  • Thanks you.Gosh colouring books sales will soar at this rate! Agree about winter, worst time of the year for me. I need to find some motivation from somewhere.


    jo x

  • Hello Jo, I have read with interest your post and the replies, Foggy is absolutely spot on, there is a great need of people with your experience in all communities. I wish you happiness in what you decide and do reach out to us here, no need to feel so alone. Lou xxx

  • So sorry that you are so down like the others we tend to dread the winter months as often our phsical symptoms get worse nd at the beginning of Autumn Spring seems so far ahead. With the darker nighs some people start to suffer with SAD which adds to the misery.

    I am so glad you have your two friends to keep you company as dogs can be a real life saver, as Foggy says they give unconditional love and companionship. Don't:t worry about talking to them I have had many a conversation with my dogs and probably got more sense out of them than some people if I am honest.

    Yes having to give up a job you loved is like having a type of bereavement and the same as with losing people we love we have to give ourselves time to grieve our loss.

    I think Foggy's suggestion about ztae inf a blog or forum would be great as it is such a shame to lose all that knowledge and empathy.

    Sincerely hope that soon you can find a way forward.x

  • One year I dug out all the boxes of photos when we were courting, wedding and children growing up, went through the lot and picked favourites the I cut them up into cameos I believe the word is and I bought a huge piece of card and then stuck them onto the card with pritt-stick I was told off in the beginning by my husband saying I was ruining the photos but after a while he was really impressed by the way it was turning out when I finished I had it mounted and framed by a professional and it looks really good, I used just over two hundred photos and each time I pass it in the dining room I look into it and find a photo and think of the time that it was taken, I had not looked at the photos in the box for years but now ech photo brings a smile to my face and happy memories, if you tried this it would keep you occupied for days, best wishes.

  • Aw we all need support from time to time, my ibs has flared for 3 days due to wrong food combinations, sponsored walk on Sunday for LOROS hope I can get there! You're doing o.k, just see it as a bad day and think it will be better tomorrow!

  • Hi joannie1964

    I am so genuinely sorry to read that you are not feeling too good and I sincerely hope that you feel more like your usual self again tomorrow. Please take care of yourself.

    All my hopes and dreams for you

    Ken x

  • Hi Jo sorry your feeling so down! All I can say is I totally know how you feel, you can fight but sometimes well honestly most times its a losing battle!!! Hi just want you to know you are not alone I will!! Think of you pray for you and hope the next time I see your name that you will get a good bit better! Xo

  • Thank you all for your lovely thoughtful replies.


    Jo x

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