What ifs and doubts

First I want to tell you that I kind of feel ashamed of how I feel. The thing is I am not sure that I do realize my condition! I keep thinking that maybe I am doing something wrong, maybe I need to try more, do more efforts... It is like I am trying to convince myself that it is me who is being weaker than everybody else. I can't bear letting people think that I am just a lazy, depressed young person. I don't have that courage. Maybe if I could just live better with myself and accept it, I wouldn't care much about others, but I don't, and at that point I realize that maybe I am more rude on myself than anyone else.

God bless you all,

K-

9 Replies

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  • That's one of the hardest things with Fibromyalgia is accepting that we have this disease because it's not like any other in that one day you can feel great and you think oh there nothing wrong with me I can do this or that and then the next day you feel terrible, it messes with your head. The other thing is you usually look well and that you are fine while underneath you may be in the most awful pain. That's why it's good to talk with others in the same position as they know exactly what you are going through, Do look after yourself and good luck 😃

  • Hello Lakikette,

    Thanks so much for sharing with us. I feel genuinely touched by your self-honesty and awareness. And you are truly not alone...many of us here will empathise and recognise that ferling you share.

    Well, dear K, you know it does take awhile to adjust and come to terms with having this condition...and to be very, very kind to yourself, just as you would be to a close friend.

    I feel you are really in the process of learning to adapt and accept...and along the way, sometimes we come across these bumps...and then gradually discover how to be self-compassionate and accepting, because your experience is genuine, real, to be believed.

    Energy is precious...and so is conscious rest, to make the most quality moments...and your reflective thoughtfulness is a sign of you taking care of your body, your thoughts and feelings.

    So dear K, I want to genuinely encourage you to keep listening to your fantastic awareness and your body also believing in yourself. Its brilliant you share. Will you keep us posted, how you get-on?

    God bless you too,

    Kindest wishes, RockRose

  • Your encouraging words made me burst into tears (of relief) and I profoundly thank you for that. As you may know it is hard to keep believing in your self and in your capacities when you can barely keep up with the day-to-day routine. I used to be self-confident or at least try to keep my head up, which is really hard when you start doubting and wondering if you ever had a reason to feel satisfied and proud of yourself. Sometimes all you need is someone to tell you that you CAN, that you ARE and that is exactly what you did. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

    Big hugs :)

    K-

  • What a beautiful reply, so clear, so heartfelt. I feel you such an amazing person, also incredibly articulate and alive, above and beyond everything. Remember to keep self-cherishing, K and will you let us know how you are doing when you wish?

    Big hugs warmly returning,

    D :-)

  • I will certainly keep you posted. To be honest you literally are the only people who make my day brighter, so you can be sure I am not going anywhere :) If only you could know all the good you are doing

    Sincerely, K

  • You have expressed exactly how I feel but could probably never articulate. I am also particularly affected by the attitudes I've experienced with various state agencies. Its a never ending vicious circle with them, and reinforces my own negative thoughts. I want get better but they only seem to drag me lower anytime I deal with them.

    Having no prior experience of dealing with such stupid, moronic robots I find them difficult to deal with. Mostly they never believe me and look puzzled because I don't conform to their stereotypes. The anger I feel just aggravates all my conditions. You also learn who your friends are when you stop being useful to them. Unfortunately, these reactions only make acceptance harder for me. So I blame myself not the illnesses and very often see myself as weak and deficient.

    I also feel this is somehow mirroring British society's current view of disability as something to be punished. When I speak with Norwegian friends I feel totally different because their social policy/ culture is so much more enlightened. Within that atmosphere I start feeling so much better.

  • You have put your finger on the exact thing to do: Be in the right atmosphere! and I know that we cannot always choose who will be around but I can see that you have been through a lot, trying to make people understand what you barely can accept. Let me remind you that it is so hard and painful to do that you just can't think of yourself as a weak or deficient person. You try, everyday what others can't even imagine!

    You may not fit in the box they try to put you in but you certainly are a great person outside the box and personally I think it is so much better ;)

    Good luck with everything and thank you for your support

  • I genuinely and sincerely believe that you are a wonderful, courageous and brave human being. As you have just been so honest about how you feel and what you want! Not many people are brave enough to admit what you have just written, and the real truth is, that you have a very real illness that needs to be treated with medications and physiotherapy, and yet, you will still need to pace yourself physically to even try and stay in control of it.

    I want to genuinely and sincerely wish you all the best of luck.

    All my hopes and dreams for you

    Ken

  • Thank you so much Ken. Your words really warmed up my heart and gave me shivers at the same time :) I am not a person who opens up easily but I did because I felt secure and surrounded by compassionate, courageous and trustworthy people here. When I read what people are going through everyday and yet they find the time to share their experience and be supportive and cheerful, it made me think that finally this fibro thing can have good sides because it made me meet you all and realize that there are still amazing people out there, maybe not around me now, but somewhere (I found their favorite spot) . So thank you

    My best hopes and wishes for you too

    K-

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