Stress and pain levels very high

Hi everyone

I have been feeling really low for the last couple of days. I am moving house on Saturday, my daughter has been very ill and work has been very stressful. I mentioned in a previous post that I think my mum has narcissistic personality disorder. Well I am in no doubt whatsoever after this weeks events. I have been so upset I have been crying my eyes out today with frustration and anger. I confronted her over some money she promised to give back. It was for a holiday we were all going on that got cancelled. When I asked about it after several weeks she just ignored my text. I did happen to see a comment on social media from my brothers girlfriend letting slip that they were going to Cornwall together. Obviously without us and obviously that is where our money went.She hasn't seen my daughter in 2 and a half months. She lives half an hour away. I said that I feel she is letting my daughter down. She completely dismissed my comments and said she is too ill and stressed and can't discuss it. Although this isolated incident doesn't sound that bad on its own, she has done some awful things over the years. It's not the first time we have been stung for money. She came to us and promised for over a year that she would help with childcare. A month before I went back to work she let us down. She is cruel, manipulative and lacks empathy. I have decided to go no contact and although I am upset, I strongly feel it's the right decision.

With all this going on my pain is unbearable. I can't wait for the move to be over with. Sorry, just needed to get all that off my chest!

8 Replies

  • Hi dear Tuscany,

    They always say that moving is one of the most stressful things that you do during your lifetime, and I know how hard it hit me when I had a few moves inn rather too rapid succession and it left me completely unable to cope with anything.

    Add into the equation the situation with you family and I can honestly say I'm really not surprised that you are flaring and need a spot of support. This, as you know, is exactly the right place to come to get backup and help.

    The situation with your mother must be very hard to handle, one always expects to have he unstinting support of one's mother, and quite rightly so, therefore when that isn't forthcoming, it must be horrendous, not just that but also given that she also ignores your daughter must be very very hard to handle.

    I wish I could be of much more help, sadly I can't, but I am sending you huge amounts of positive soothing and healing vibes and hope that they will see you through this difficult time. Do let us know when you have moved, let's hope the removal company does all the work and that you don't have to give of your valuable energy to assist them

    Foggy x

  • Hi Tuscany, foggy has summed it up and there is nothing more I can add to it other than, I feel for you dearly and hope that you find that inner strength to get through this terribly difficult time. Good luck and take good care of yourself, Mags xx

  • I am so genuinely sorry to read of how you have been treated and I want to sincerely wish you all the best of luck and I genuinely hope that your move goes really well for you.

    All my hopes and dreams for you


  • Hi there

    I feel for you so much. As Foggy has said we all expect mothers to be there through thick and thin, but I know they're not.

    You have my heartfelt sympathies.

    Only my personal opinion, and I have nothing against Social Media as a move forwards in technology, but to my mind it causes a lot more pain and upset than it does happiness.

    I do hope your move goes well. Please let us know how it goes.

    Be kind to yourself

    Lu xx

  • Sending extra big hugs to you xxx

  • I was only talking about mother/daughter relationships with my friend yesterday and they can hurt you deeply with comments and whatever they say seems to stay with you long after the event. My own mother used me a lot but was always charming to others and many a time I felt like walking away, I too used to give her alot of my money and buy her things that she wanted when somtimes money was very tight for us but I never had any appreciation for it. I wish now I had stamped my foot the first time things happen but it is so difficult when it is your Mom and we can find ourselves making excuses for them and tolerating behaviour which we would never tolerate with anyone else. You would also be extremely emotional because of your daughter's health, having to work and moving and sometimes it is the straw that breaks the camels back. I do think you need a complete break for her at least for a time to get yourself back on an even keel and put yourself first for a change.

    I am with BlueMermaid on the social media thing. I try to disuade my friend from joining Facebook as I have seen things within her family that would break her heart if she read them. I think people post in the spur of the moment, like tweets and don;t realise the ramifications of what they put and that other people who were not in the "know" would be extremely hurt. Often I don;t think they do it deliberately they just do not think at the time.

    Take care of yourself, we are hoping to move house soon after 35 years in the same one and as it is a downsize and others things that have happened that I won;t bore people with I feel we are biting off more than we can chew.

    Hope the move goes well, will keep everything crossed for you. Concentrate on your daughter and yourself for the time being and settling in to your new home. Do let us know how you are getting on as you will be in all our thoughts and if you need to get anything off your chest this is the place to do it. Soft hugs coming your way. I am sure Zeb has some fluffies to spare as well.x

  • I am so sorry that you are in this situation with your Mother, of all people. We expect our Moms to be there to support us, not do harm. I cannot help, beyond sending caring concern, and the hope that she might somehow at least see how her actions are hurting you and your family. I would also withdraw and avoid contact, at least for awhile, for your own benefit.

    Gentle hugs, Tuscany, and wishes that your move goes well, and you get through this time without further struggle or pain.

  • Thank you all for your very kind replies. They were lovely to read and have made me feel a lot better. I am feeling much better than yesterday anyway. I have drawn a line under it. There are so many cruel, evil things that woman has done and I have let her get away with it. Enough is enough. My hubby and I have made good progress with the move today. We have had a lot of fun doing it as well. He has now gone to supervise the laying of some new flooring in our new house that is going to look so nice. I can't wait to see it later. Onwards and upwards. Love to you all xxx

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