EXHAUSTED

I've cooked our tea tonight. Something I hardly ever achieve any more. My stamina (forgotten what that feels like) totally went on holiday without me whilst doing so. I'm shaking and needed my husband and my two children to just help me sit down. I'm going to ask why, because some days I understand why and then some days I don't understand. How can I feel so heavy/stuck/drained/sapped.....ran out of words. I do totally feel exhausted. Everything is heavy, even my hands while I'm typing this. In my head my life is what it used to be and I'm superwoman. I sometimes feel like my old life hasn't caught up with my new one. Does anyone else feel like that? I'm 4 years in to being this way and sort of got it in my head how ill I am now and how much my life has had to change and then I have days when I think to myself why did my life have to change, why me? I know that sounds totally awful doesn't it? My family are so good with me. I do wish though that my whole body wouldn't seize up on me. A bit at a time would be nice (haha). My legs feel like stone and I just can't physically move. My brain is saying to my legs move, but they ain't listening.

Oh well. Rant over, I've been trying to type this up for an hour and have started to feel a little better now. Hope you are all well.

Gentle fibro hugs

Kimberley

xxxxx

6 Replies

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  • Hi Kimberley

    I know how you feel. I got in from work feeling totally exhausted but pushed through it to spend time with my daughter. I'm struggling to write this. Have zero energy levels. I do know how you feel, in that life has had to change. When were you diagnosed? My daughter is only 9 months old and it makes me feel sad that I wont be able to run around with her. I try not to get too down about it. I count my blessings.

    I hope you feel better soon. Keep smiling xxx

  • I don't have fibromyalgia but my girlfriend has had it for almost 2 years now. She suffers from the same "drawbacks" as you have listed. It's a hard time because she feels it takes over her life and holds her back from doing things she wants to do. Eating the right foods has helped a lot, but still doesn't eliminate the problem. Sometimes it feels like fighting a losing battle but you have to try to remain positive. Its well documented that fibromyalgia is linked with depression so I find that trying to make the small things in life count. For example, walks on a summer night. I think reading about another people's struggle is comforting to my girlfriend in a way because she realises she is not alone in this.

  • Hi Kimberley, Can totally relate to all you have said. I really do feel for you and hope the awful flare you're in will ease as soon as possible and, thereby, improve the quality of your life. Even though my diagnosis was longer time ago than yours, I don't think I will ever stop grieving for the life should be having, if it weren't for FMS/CFS and other illnesses on top (some fibro-related some not). With every new diagnosis and the older I get, the grief becomes stronger because then I realise there's no going back from this no matter what I do or try. The meds and Pain Management clinic I attend have done everything they can to improve mobility, pain levels, energy levels etc. All we really want more than anything is to be pain and symptom free, to be happy, content, well, have the quality of life we enjoyed pre-illness and be as mobile as possible; to feel complete again. The grief process seems to come in overwhelming waves and can last for days on end and have noticed it seems to be in cycles too, wonder if you find the same Kimberley? At times I think "have finally accepted this ill-health, disability etc" then at other times "fight against it" when have a little more energy to do so. I just wish I could handle it better. I so hate seeing my two grown up sons and close friends upset, I try so v hard to hide my pain and other horrible symptoms from them but they know us so well don't they. I love your sense of humour "bit at a time" thanks for the chuckle :-D I totally agree. Thank you Kimberley for sharing how you feel, your post has helped me tremendously .. Bless you poppet, find it's so hard to put it all into words. Thinking of you nun night. Gentlest healing fibro hugs to you and much appreciation lovely lady. <3

  • Hello Isol8d,

    Thank you very much for your lovely words. It is nice to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way. Like you I have been to Pain management and I'm doped up (yes like the dwarf). It's exactly as you said, I get the days where I have accepted my life like this and then get to the state of where I wish that I wasn't like this anymore. It is the same for me hun, it comes in cycles. I hate seeing my family having to deal with it too. I try to laugh and stay positive, you have to really. Otherwise I'd be in a corner crying (not that it would help). My two children and my husband have been affected more because they see it first hand.

    Again, thank you so much for your lovely words. Keep an eye out for my blogs as I tend to do them more often and inject a bit of humour. It's good to laugh and not cry, but sometimes its unavoidable. I think you summed it up really well. We are grieving for the life we had before. I used to walk everywhere, and dropped down to a size 16 from 22 whilst I was working. But then all that's gone and here I am.

    The best thing we have is support. We need it to get through each and every day. It's tough living like we do and we all need that support network.

    Keep in touch,

    Gentle Fibro Hugs to you

    Kimberley

    xxxxx

  • I am so very sorry to read that you are struggling so much, and I genuinely hope that you can find some resolution and relief to this.

    All my hopes and dreams for you

    Ken

  • Not fair is it? Despite pacing, there's sometimes no rhyme or reason for a flare. And yes I do feel like that at times. Hugs.

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