exhausted... Proud :)

exhausted... Proud :)

Hey guys so today was big. It was big for me as I've not been coping well recently.. But as mentioned in my previous post, it was my daughters 4th birthday do today.

The morning was a little bouncy castle party in our garden, we've never really done kids parties before so all new to me. 10 kids, parents, bouncy castle and a bit of grub 👍 and it turned out as easy as that! (I expected to be/get very stressed.. But I totally held it together). The afternoon - family bbq and celebration.. Again at our house.. Started 30 mins after kids party was over, 20 family members, us 4... And it was just the most wonderful day. My NearlyInLaws are being very supportive over my current circumstances (me totally thinking I'm losing my mind and not coping) and it was quite overwhelming (only had one little cry in private during a heart to heart).

All in all the day went so well and it totally surprised me. I honestly thought I'd set myself up to fail and probably ruin the day by the end of it... But although I'm exhausted... It's a good feeling, it feels very real, like finally I'm tired for a reason.

....

And my daughter loved her cake! And her day :)

20 Replies

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  • So pleased for you, sounds wonderful xx

  • Fantastic!! Lovely to read this.. Well done in coping and happy birthday to your daughter. I no how hard this all is having a little lady to look after my daughter is 6 :-)

    Have a good rest and I hope tomorrow is as good as today x

  • Thanks keeleybee,

    I've got two daughters, 4&5, they are so good but still such a handful at times 😳

    I'm sure your little one is 6 going on...16 like mine.

    But today was just... Beautiful.

    I've been so low lately, them bring witness to my utter breakdown, it was just a relief to see how happy they were, the whole day was fun and I haven't been able to say that for quite a while now.

    Thank you for responding and taking the time to read my gushing.

    Kind wishes

    Sibbs x x

  • Bless ya, It's day's like that that give you hope and comfort knowing there are still good times ahead :-)

    We are currently packing for our holiday next Friday and I'm really looking forward to seeing my little own splashing in the pool and some much needed rest :-)

    x

  • I am genuinely delighted for you, and happy birthday to your little girl.

    All my hopes and dreams for you

    Ken x

  • Morning sibbs. I'm so pleased the day went so well, sounds like you had a great time. So pleased for you. Deb x

  • Hello Sibbs,

    Lovely to hear you has such a wonderful day! Little one is loving it too!

    Happy belated Birthday to your Daughter :)

    Best Wishes

    Emma :)

  • Hi Sibbs

    So pleased you enjoyed the day and it all worked out well. You must feel a great sense of achievement and like you said now you feel tired for a reason. Hope this lifts you up a bit, fibro wears you down so it's great to have times like this. Chuffed for you x x

  • Hi Sibbs

    How heartwarming 😊. I bet both of your daughters had a wonderful time.

    Please try not to worry about them witnessing your meltdown. Children adapt to situations really well and have probably even forgotten all about it.

    Being a mother, in my eyes = guilt! We oftentimes feel we've failed or are a bad mother (this is what I think about myself) but our children love us unconditionally.

    I'm so happy for you. The picture is just lovely. Well done for holding it all together. It's great building wonderful memories 😊

    Hug xx

  • Great words bluemermaid :-) x

  • Ah ☺️ Thanks Keeleybee x Hope you're doing ok 😊

  • And you bluemermaid :-) x

  • Where are you off to on holiday? X

  • Marmaris in Turkey it's for my birthday the big 30 :-) I shall be waking up to Sun shine and a. Nice spa day there... Can't wait! The sun and pool make me feel so much better. X

  • How wonderful 😊. It sounds idyllic. I hope you have a fantastic time and return well and truly rested. Enjoy 😉 xx

  • I have had both R.A and fibro for the last 30 years now (it feels like 300 sometimes). I only got the official diagnosis of having Fibro last year when my rhumy consultant retired and I was allocated to a new and very caring consultant who had even reviewed my notes before I had even entered the room . He couldn't believe that the other consultant had never mentioned Fibro to me and said that I was a "classic" case of secondary fibro and immediately started me onto a different medication. Sorry I am babbling but what I am trying to say is that I have had 2 children, both in their 20's ,who have never known me to be any different and from a very early age recognized that I couldn't run to them if they fell over in the park,or play football, my son who is now 28 used to call it "Mummy's poorly pains" He has now married and gone to live in the USA. My daughter who is 25 and still lives at home is my carer and I now worry that she feels she has to stay living at home because she is looking after me , she thinks that I wouldn't cope if I had to live alone.

    I think what I am trying to say is that no matter how old our children are we will always worry about the effect of having lived with and cared for us is going to be.

    Sorry I know I have rambles on and on but my brain has gone into meltdown mode.

    Sending lots of happy gentle hus to you and your girls, who both had an amazing day yesterday and they will remember that not the "bad" days as children are very resilient which we forget sometimes.

  • We didn't know that I had anything wrong so my now 32,30,29 year olds there wasn't a problem. It was a struggle though :-( I was always sore and tired, rested a lot both with the children when they were young then once they'd gone to school.

    I loved producing things for them and birthdays were great so I'm pleased the party went well :-D

    My one daughter (middle child) and youngest came back after uni, daughter stayed 4 years. When she left 3 years ago I realised what she'd been doing. She said I would need help, no, of course I didn't :-/ It took six weeks for my eldest two to get in touch with SS - the closest child is 4 hours drive, 7 train & bus - but now I get the essentials.

    Anyway, cutting myself off :-) non of my offspring knew any different, kids are very adaptable :-D

  • Aren't kiddies parties so much fun , (& adult ones too) well done fore coping so well, hope you had a good rest after.

    xx

  • Well done, Sibbs! I'm sure your daughter will always remember what a special day you've given her. She looks so happy in the photo. xx

  • Thanks everyone for your support and advice and kind words.

    I have always been an over thinker, I compare my upbringing, relationship with my parents (especially mum) with that of my own children, how I am, how I'd like to be, why I am the way I am blah blah... It never stops...

    I know I am not alone, I'm constantly screwing over my potential vs my achievements.. Everyone, from a very young age has told me that I'm hard on myself.. I don't even know what that means as I've got issues with how I think things should be and how they are in real life..

    Please folks ramble away.. It's soothing and distracting

    Yesterday was fantastic, today not so much (or at all if I'm honest)

    Once again feel I'm being punished for allowing myself to be proud of something I've done. I'm paying for yesterday's joy with a hangover from happiness.. That's how it feels anyway.

    Reading through all your supportive and reflective stories helps a great deal and I thank every responder for that x x

    Best wishes to all sibbs x