Forgot the ESA. Coming in the morning really work myself up about it .hope it goes OK.

[alisonfraylingiles]

Really worried about all with dad and my auntie during this week don't even know what I'm doing I'm numb wish I could talk to my dad and just see him one more time thats the hardest knowing he is not there anymore and his sister going just three days after him can't believe I never see him again don't know what to do I'm lost in a daze went to see my mum tonight she is I'll herself breaking her heart . wish someone could take this pain away .this is the only way I can speak really of how I'm feeling is on here sorry all for being so low .my daughters are wonderful and my husband but I don't want them to worry to much about me I feel like I've died inside if that makes any sense . keep crying for my dad I talk to him when I'm on my own and hope with all my heart he can hear me .be glad to get the ESA done with tommorw Alison xx

[TheAuthor]

Having them coming would naturally be the last thing on your mind at this time. You have been through so much just recently and I want to genuinely and sincerely wish you all the best of luck for tomorrow and the days ahead.

All my hopes and dreams for you

Ken

[Ginsing]

I wish you luck today . If you need to talk to your Dad do just chat as if he is in the next room. you will feel better,

We wont say any thing just send hugs to help you through !! ((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))

these are very gentle hugs like a butterflys kiss.

Ginsing

[Hidden]

Gentle hugs,kind,sincere thoughts and best wishes to you x

[Lesley61]

Big hugs I still talk to my dads pic most of the time I have my cry hope all gose well with ESA I know it the last think you need at the mo xx

[Fibrofoggiest]

Oh dear Alison, we here all understand why you are so sad, and stressed and it is good that you can come here and vent as it is the most horrid of times for you, but please Alison, don't be so hard on yourself. You have to grieve but you cant grieve for all the others as well as your own grief, I know exactly how you feel, I've done it myself and I know one thing for certain, your beloved Dad really wouldn't want you to be doing this, yes cry, yell, scream at the world because of your pain at this time, it's only natural and you I'm afraid have to go through it.

Could I suggest that somehow whether it be by a letter you could possibly get from your GP today or similar, that explains that you have so very recently lost your dear Dad and let the panel at the ESA hearing know that, because you are so vulnerable, quite rightly, at the moment and I just feel, (I may be wrong and anyone can put me right on this) that they should be aware of your situation. I'm sure your Dad will be at your side throughout the interview and take strength from that if you can my friend !

I have been thinking of you lots this week and will continue to do so and to send lots and lots of positive healing and strengthening vibes for tomorrow. You have all of us here on your side, wishing you well, and you know if you need more support you only have to come here and people will do their very best to help you, even though at this saddest of times it seems so little we can do, but do know that we all CARE very much !!

Gentle hugs Alison and lots of positive vibes

Muchly Foggy xx

[Hidden]

I talk to my Grandad and sometimes it feels as though he has replied although i hear nothing.

My thoughts are with you and i hope that it all goes well for your ESA.

Gentle hugs sue

And yes i agree with foggy, you must let them know, if you cant get a note tell whoever it is why meets you for a chat before hand and they will tell the panel.

[chrinathmum]

Alison

My heart goes out to you and I know how you feel, we lost my dad 2 years this July, I live next door to mum n dad have for over 20 years and to wake up each day n see my mum with a broken heart breaks my heart, I was so close to my dad n miss him every day but I talk to him all the time, my mum has pictures of my dad everywhere n it helps her cope her motto is one day at a time focus on getting through each day they were married 56 years! Hope your ESA goes well I'm sure your dad will be near you x

[covbabe]

My dear, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, but I'm glad you have family around you to help shoulder the grief you must be going through right now. This great unbearable pain and sorrow will pass, and leave behind the good times. Your mutual love will be of great comfort to your loved ones, both those who have passed and those who are left behind. Take care of yourself, and those who you have around you. Best Wishes xx

[mattoid-mags]

Good luck, soft hugs x

[rosewine]

Have just read your post with much sorrow. It does not matter how old we are to lose a parent in always so difficult and also to have lost your aunt as well is a double blow. I can imagine that the ESA was the very last thing on your mind.

Don't try to contain your sorrow as I did as I just concentrated on my Mom and did not allow myself to grieve properly which is the worse thing you can do. I have realised too late that if you do not take care of yourself first you can't adequately take care of others.

The pain at the moment is bound to be very raw but gradually that terrible edge of pain will mellow and you will start to remember all the good times. Don't ever try to block out the thoughts of your Dad, he will be there with you in spirit if not in body. When in doubt just think "what would Dad have said or done" and I think the answer will be there for you as his guidance will never leave you.

Be gentle with yourself and don't expect too much of yourself too soon. Come on here whenever you need to and we will try and help. Let us know how you are doing. Soft hugs.xxx

[Micro]

I'm so sorry you are feeling such grief . My experience is that it feels like the end of the world as I knew it.

No words express the pain of such loss.

Look after YOURSELF as best you can.

When you feel ready, many people find it helps a tiny tiny bit, to write a letter to the person they have lost from life as we know it. Read it too them as if they are near, or read it somewhere you know they liked to be.Say the things you maybe did not get to say. Or simply talk to them as Ginseng suggests.

Grief is intensely personal but goes through similar stages with us all.

Best to allow yourself to grieve rather than 'be strong' and keep it in. Thinking of you...

[alisonfraylingiles]

Thank you all so much its lovely to know people care my good friend Diane who is a minister as well she said a prayer for dad and myself today which was really lovely there are such real good people still in this mad world we live in I'm so glad .lot of pain today but mentally feeling better than yesterday thank you Alison x