Feeling rock-bottom with no support

Feeling rock-bottom with no support

I'm in the height of a nasty flare, where staying awake is an enormous struggle, and every movement is pure agony. My parents, who I have to live with because living alone became too difficult, have gone away for a fortnight, and my over enthusiastic dog has created havoc, probably because he is bored as not getting enough exercise. My brother is in his own little world so it wouldn't occur to him to check if I'm ok, but my sister who knows how bad I am, constantly belittles me because I haven't been fortunate enough to have children. You'd honestly think she was the only woman on the planet to have given birth, she's so superior. To top it off, all my real friends are back where I used to live. I'm so isolated and alone and it really feels like no one gives a stuff. Even a text message asking if I was ok would make the world of difference, but no such luck.

I hate fibromyalgia! I hate how pathetic and needy I've become, I hate that I can't even make something to eat so choose something from the fruit bowl or the freezer. Today, I've well and truly had enough, and I honestly don't know why I keep bothering as no one would even miss me!

12 Replies

  • Hi Jigsawcat

    I have read your post with so much pain and sorrow for what you are feeling and enduring at this time, and I genuinely hope that in time, you will find some resolution and relief to this torment and agony.

    Please do not be offended but I have pasted below the telephone number of the Samaritans. I have done this out of friendship for a fellow sufferer. If you need to talk to another human being and let it all come out, to tell somebody that it hurts, that you are struggling and that you need to cry, then please ring them. They are there 24 hours a day 7 days a week and they will know how to simply listen and be a friend for you.

    Telephone 08457 909090

    I want you to know that you are not alone, all of us on here know exactly where you are coming from and what you are going through. If you ever want to PM me and just tell me how you are feeling, then please feel free, and as soon as I get online I will always read and reply, and that is a promise.

    All my hopes and dreams for you Jigsawcat

    Ken x

  • Please don't think like that I'm sure you would be missed I too am struggling with people not understanding there are always people in here to talk to they have helped me no end I hope your flare calms down soon thinking of you xx

  • We would miss you first of all.

    So would your sister who obviously needs someone to belittle.

    Seriously moving to your Mum and Dads must have been very hard and to feel so needy at the moment really drags us down doesn't it..

    You say your parents are away for a bit hat will be good for them won it and when they come home they will need to find you relaxed so today is another day. I hope you managed a little refreshing sleep - just a bit don't need to be greedy and take too much. I one of those strange fibromites I get up very early this morning it was 4.14am I find I have to sleep when I can. Now enough about me tell me more about you please.

    How long have you been back at home? Who is the beautiful Horse you are hugging that is you isn't it.?

    Looking forward to chat so come back please xgins

  • Hi gins, that is my horse but she no longer lives near me because I can't care for her or ride her with the Fibro. So every now and then I drive up to where she lives now for a cuddle - but she's over an hour away. Another source of great sadness for me.

    I fully intended to get up at a reasonable time today, but the need to sleep is so strong that I've only just opened my eyes. I did get up at 6 to let the dog out for a wee then we both went back to bed til now. I think he knows I'm ill because he'd normally be whining and jumping all over me to go for a walk, but he slept curled up next to me instead. I just don't have enough spoons to walk him!

    I've been at home for about 10 months, it doesn't get any easier. I was looking forwards to these 2 weeks of freedom, and now all I want is them to come home. Of course I haven't said a word when they've phoned, I've been cheerful and enthusiastic so as not to ruin their holiday!

    Thanks for listening gins x

  • Hi jigsawcat hope your feeling a bit better this morning my prayers are with you I have dementia aswell sorry cant any more I would love to but the brain will not let Gentle hugs to you love Bernasette xxxx

  • Hi I understand how you feel and I am so sorry I can't do more than reply here I would be round like a shot and give you a hug , and introduce to too lunatics called shadow and Murphy ,if you read any of my old post you would understand., have you got a comuninity support in your area have a look on line , I have been off work since jan and they organised for me a dog walker free of charge that has proberly been the best help I have been given which would proberly not be the tops of most people list but it is for me , I live alone and I have no family support unless it's on the end of a phone my dad died a few years ago and my children have spread there beautiful wings and are flying high at the moment in there young lives ,with my blessing and pushing them out if the nest .i am 52 which looking at your picture is a few years younger than me , but I was I very active person till 3 years ago absailing down church towers ,flying sports kites riding bikes and swimming in the sea off the welsh coast on a weekly bases in summer months , I moved back to Wales a few years ago to be near family left my friend s behind ,then the family all past away , life's like that but I made new friends are there any groups you can join ? Have you any hobbies you obviously love horses is there a stables close by with like mind people , I understand how fed up you feel I cried last week as a local charity in our town that helps elderly people came out and changed my bed for and pushed the Hoover round I sat there with tears in my eyes and I little down my cheeks because I felt ashamed as I could not do these things my self , I know it's hard but you sound like you need some help , and I know your haveing a flare but ring social services and explain what's happening or speak to yor GP ou even a health visitor there not just there for mothers with babies there for the whole family pick up the phone there is help out there if you can be brave enough to ask that really is the hard bit please take care of yourself you are loved and you are cared for not always by the people you expect , take care and use this site it's a wonderful place to chat ,laugh and cry the people on here have been a wonderful support to me I haven't been on here very long my self but they give you courage and love I always said I hated computers etc as there was no end product I was so very wrong take care I have to sign off now as I have hospital appointment and have to ready ,you will be ok just believe xx. Christina

  • Thank you so much, that means a lot x

  • Hi jigsawcat,

    Rock bottom is a lonely place and despite what you think there will always be someone who would miss you.

    I am sorry your sister thinks that having children makes her an authority on pain, it doesn't, I have had kids and the pain is different and you have a beautiful baby at the end of it. Unfortunately fibro gives no such rewards for the pain.

    Have you been in contact with any of your old friends, even to chat to in the evenings, or when you are feeling low.

    You know that you can vent on here and that someone is always going to answer or in your case several. You say you have moved back with your parents, is that in an area you know well...if it is then maybe you could reacquaint yourself with some new friends. In the meantime as a mum of two girls in their twenties I am always willing to take on another adopted one :) so please feel free to PM me and I will gladly talk with you.

    I can't add much more than what the others have said, but will send you a big hug, just wish it could be in person rather than virtual. xx

  • Hi I haven't anything more to add other than I understand how your feeling your not on your own. I do hope your feeling better today please post and let us know how your feeling

  • Sweetheart, I'm so sorry you are having such a bad time of it!!! Have you tried a pain clinic? I was at the end of my rope and went, it has made my life bearable. I live alone and have no family near by that can help, so I know how you feel. Hang in there and please look into a pain clinic asap. xxxx Mitzi

  • Thank you everyone for your kind replies. I'm still plodding on, the dog got walked although we both went back to bed afterwards. I've even forced down a bowl of muesli this afternoon. It's the tearfulness that gets me down, even on this normally safe forum, getting my head bitten off for trying to be helpful, makes it feel like the whole world is against me! X

  • Hi just wondered how you were doing today ,? Feeling any better ? Chris

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