I think I have posted this before but it is so funny I shall post it again.

[tettridge]

Actual Air Force Repair Orders (and their responses)

Squarks' are problems noted by US air force pilots and left for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints logged by those air force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

(P) = Problem (S) = Solution

(P) Left inside main tyre almost need replacement.

(S) Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

(P) Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

(S) Auto-land not installed on the aircraft.

(P) Something loose in cockpit.

(S) Something tightened in cockpit.

(P) No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.

(S) No. 2 propeller seepage normal - No. 1, No. 3, and no. 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

(S) Evidence removed.

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud.

(S) Volume set to more believable level.

(P) Dead bugs on windshield.

(S) Live bugs on order.

(P) Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200fpm decent.

(S) Cannot reproduce problems on ground.

(P) IFF inoperative.

(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

(S) That's what they're there for.

(P) No. 3 engine missing.

(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search.

(P) Aircraft handles funny.

(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, 'fly right, and be serious.

(P) Target Radar hums.

(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with words.

I just love the responses and you would think that these pilots would have twigged what will happen with ambiguous instructions. We used to get them when we serviced the cars and when we would book the trucks in the drivers would make silly comments on the truck and how we did not have the nerve to reply like these guys I just do not know.

Take care and kindest regards

Terry

[Julie63]

Thank you for reposting this Terry. I found the responses hilarious, when I am back on the computer tomorrow, instead of being on my phone, I will print it out to put on my noticeboard to keep reminding me, thanks, Julie xx

[TheAuthor]

Yeah you have! However, they are very funny!

[Betty67]

Thanks Terry not heard them before myself and agree with Julie well worth copying.

[Hidden]

Brill

[Sam66]

Thanks Terry. Very good!

[dovetail]

Hi Terry, I've never heard these before, I've had an appalling day & these have cheered me up a bit, so thank you! Love Tracey xxx