Its been a while. I don't know where else

Things getting worse again, depression is taking over. I always said I didn't want to go back down this road. Too much pain, too much time alone, too pig headed to let on to loved family/friends! My gp, always so good to me. Obviously she knew I had a 'past' with mental health. She wants me to talk to psych. for meds advice. The problem between physical illness/psych. illness, for some reason I become a totally different person, probably 'imagining' things. Why don't they see it? Mental health does not preclude other illness, and as we know has the opposite effect. I wish I had kept my mouth shut! Can't take it back. Trapped now. Too much time, what do you do. Keep up the act, I'm a 'normal' human being whatever that may be, therefore warrant care and kindness and respect. Mention just 1 word out of place!!! I'm so angry with myself. I know better than this. Should do anyway. Lord above, give me strength. Maybe not, tempting to smash some plates or something, probably won't help my case!

Rant over. Sweet dreams peeps.

30 Replies

  • Hiya tulips123 just want to say that I am thinking of you :-) and sending you a hug ! Hope this brings a smile love Billie x

  • >:) thank you, much appreciated

  • Sending healing thoughts xx

  • Hi tulips123

    I have read your post with so much pain and sorrow for what you are going through and I genuinely hope that you can find some resolution and relief to this issue. I understand how many patients feel when they try and talk to their GP after being diagnosed with a mental health issue, as I worked for a very long time in mental health.

    So many patients use to say to me that no matter what they went to see their GP or Consultant about it was always put down as being in their mind. I want to tell you that it does not have to be this way. I have pasted you 3 links to and MIND. The first link is a guide on how to approach and talk to your GP so you get heard:

    Please do not be offended but I have pasted you the contact details for the Samaritans below, and I have done this out of friendship and concern for a friend; If you ever need somebody to talk too and to tell somebody how you feel, then please ring them, they will understand and listen to you without judging you in any way whatsoever:

    Telephone: 08457 909090

    I want to wish you the best of luck and I genuinely hope that things turn a corner for you and that you can live again and have the strength for a decent quality of life.

    All my hopes and dreams for you

    Ken x

  • Really kind, thank you.

  • hello Tulip123

    Feel your AHHH!

    Ask for the help you need.


  • Please go and see the Psych. There is nothing wrong in getting help from them. I was under a Psych briefly in the past and I also sought out my own therapy for major childhood abuse and had therapy for quite a few years and was on anti depressants. Through that I have got myself to a place where I no longer need anti depressants and have been out of therapy for about 5 years now and while I'll never forget what happened to me it no longer affects my life. Being prescribed anti depressants will help you deal with all the physical stuff from the Fibro. I am here if you want to talk some more. Depression is very debilitating and tablets will help with that x

  • Agree, totally with you, previous experiences with mental health not great. Thank you.

  • Morning Tulips How are you feeling today? Calmer I hope, the Author (our Ken) has sent some good sites to look at.

    Everyone seems to be suggesting you visit someone to talk to - how do you feel about that? Is the time right or may be there is a way to go first. Thank goodness for this site we do help each other so much, a place to talk, a place to rant, a place where sensible answers can be found. So make a cuppa mines a tea please a couple of biccies bourbons for Ken and lets just have a little chat............ I am about on and off this morning if I can help at all xxgins

  • Hi gins, long time no, um, see? This site is an amazing, supportive, understanding place when things get scary. The past is scary, I've been through mental health for much to long, don't like the 'labels' they put on people. Not the same thing as a diagnosis either. Many peeps on here clearly are able to relate. If they could just come (housebound) and do what my gp wants ie. prescribe suitable meds. I would be very happy with that.I escaped last time because It was obvious how happy I was with my darling soul mate, but he died 2010. Each year that goes by the harder it gets to keep a lid on it. OK, well that has let out a bit more. Pressure cooker thing, need to judge how much steam to let out @ one go safely. Thank you gins. xx

  • Hi Tulips

    I am so sorry that your pain is so bad and that you are so low... pain causes stress and stress causes the pain.

    It is hard to ask loved ones for help, and to accept help from others, but we all have to sometimes. I have started to use a supplement called L Tyrosine you can buy it on ebay and it helps with tiredness and supports mental alertness, it really is a God send.

    My Fibro and ME have been with me since I lost my brother more than 40 years ago and through lifes ups and downs, but fight on we must !!!!

    Hospital visits GPs and Doctors ten to the dozen haven't helped and now at 58 years young I sometimes want to give up.. but my two little grandsons keep me going.

    Diet helps with less dairy and more protein to keep my muscles working and of course exercise.. sometimes I can only manage 4 lengths.. but I feel an achievement when I do.

    Please believe in yourself and your strength to keep going, sorry this is so long, treat yourself to a health spa, or a very hot bath that always helps me, sending you a hug


  • I am so sorry you are feeling so depressed and everything else that goes along side it! I can sincerely "feel" your pain & frustration!

    I used to work for a Psychiatrist years ago, little did I know then I would end up a patient of the Mental Health Team, that I actually worked for.

    That is where the answers lay for you my friend. You can go along and "pretend" all is ok with you but you have to live with that head of yours! I apologise if I sound harsh but I did"nt wish to see the Psychiatrist myself only to find myself suffering with a full blown Nervous-breakdown" by then I could"nt have cared less who I"d seen!

    It is much easier to sort it out now & deal with things before they go too far! Psychiatrist was lovely, so were the whole Mental Health Team, whom I am still gratefully under their care! Don"t know what I"d do without them now!

    Every blessing, I hope you can sort an Appointment out asap. Honestly Psychiatrists are there to help you through this immensely difficult time!!

    Good luck to you

    Sending positive healing energies your way

    & (((gentle hugs)))

    Lynn XX

  • Thank you xx

  • Morning Tulips,

    Today is another day lets go together for a wander to see the blue bells - they make me smile-

    A shoulder when you need one a friend just because I am hugs to you xgins

  • Hi Tulips

    I replied to you few seconds ago (excuse fibro-fog!), I forgot to mention if you wish to PM me for chat/anything, please feel free to do so. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone who has been there, worn tee-shirt ect. I"m always hear just to listen?

    Hope you get things sorted asap?!

    Good luck, again Lynn XX

  • Gp has put it through the pipeline so we will see. Happy to get proper meds. As long as it stops there. In the past spent too many years in the system, looking back it made things worse, or if not worse prolonged my time in their care. Different horses/diff courses. I really need my independence, which is laughable - now housebound! Thank you for caring xx

  • Hi tulips

    You are more than welcome. I am glad you have started the ball rolling to @ least get the correct Medication for this present episode. Try not to think of it as being the same long-term treatment plan as last time. Take each day as it comes.

    I sincerely wish you well and can empathise totally with you.

    Sending you positive healing energies.

    Kind regards

    Lynn XX

  • Thank you Lynn, helps Dawn xx

  • Hi Dawn, You are more than welcome. As I said in previous reply, if you wish to PM me, please do not hesitate to do so.

    I suffer with depression myself & sometimes helps to "talk" to someone with same infliction, as we understand?

    I sincerely hope you resolve your problems very soon.

    Sending positive, healing, soothing energies

    (((gentle hugs)))

    Lynn XX

  • Pm ? Private message? I struggle with techie stuff, I can't work it out.

  • Hi Tulips 123, read your post and have just one question. What is so wrong in smashing plates? It worked for my mum, ok so we didn't have a lot of crockery in the house by the time she was finished but so what! She was like you, would pretend all was well and them just couldn't keep it up, she was at home with small kids and my dad was posted away overseas a lot of the time. She survived by smashing plates and is a ripe old age to prove it, when I am feeling really out of sorts she would open my cupboard and say go for it. I can't, all I think about is the mess I will have to clean up afterward and how sore it will be doing it :) I think we all put our brave face on, but sometimes its hard to keep it there. Sending you big hugs and hope you feel better soon x

  • Hi Tulips

    I hear what you are saying but there is nothing wrong with seeing the psych. I daren't say anything anymore about my mental health as it always seems that comes top of the list when i know that without the pain there would be no mental health problems at this time. I previously had post natal depression which was totally different. I too spend a lot of time alone in fact it was all the time but i have just a week ago moved in with my daughter and her fiancé and my partner (we couldn't afford to live together on our own.) we have found a really nice bungalow the down side is that my daughter has 4 dogs which at times i find quite challenging as two of them are only puppies. I am desperately trying to find a new dr in the hope he will listen and do more than the last one but its difficult to know who will actually believe in fibro or acknowledge that a lot of my pain is being caused by osteoarthritis which i have in my knees, hips and my hands which are getting worse and worse but my gp just wouldn't listen i haven't had blood tests done in years and have to beg for some treatments i just keep getting more and more pain relief. I hope you get some help especially the type you need i don't think half these drs understand the amount of pain we have to live in from day to day. I explained to my dr i don't just sit around feeling sorry for myself i do try and do things but afterwards i suffer its easy to say pace yourself but difficult to do in practice. Gentle hugs to you xxx


  • I'm with you. I'm positive if I could lead a normal life, work, do something useful, productive, would have no need of more flipping meds! Ho hum, happy days (ha!)

  • Just sending you positive vibes. I hope that you find a way forward.

    I find its 2 steps forward and one back.

    Wishing the energy to bunny hop.


  • thinking of you sending gentle hugs & lavender fluffies

  • Feels good! xx thank you and sweet dreams

  • Hi Tulips :)

    It is perfectly ok to have a rant about it but it does seem to be the norm doesn't it?

    I always said that I was depressed because of the physical pain etc and not in pain because of the depression and so can understand your rant.

    You maybe interested to read the Post that have just put up as it discusses Chronic pain and Depression and I've put some links to articles to read on there which may interest you, You could always re-approach your doctor with info supporting what you're telling them. Being informed and looking knowledgeable makes it look like we're taking matters seriously and are being pro-active about our own health.

    Sending soft Lavender comforting fluffies to you {{{{{Tulips}}}}} and fingers crossed that you get this resolved your way :)

    :) xxxsianxxx :)

  • Hello Tulips, I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling at the moment to find a way forward that is suitable for you and also takes into account your history with mental health. As you are housebound, I'm wondering whether you have ever used this site,( the link is below) which is a free online counselling service that you can use from 10am until 10pm daily. It will give you access to a qualified counsellor to talk about whatever is on your mind and maybe allow you space and time to think about what you need for yourself, without any pressure of getting it right or worrying about saying the wrong thing. This service is a confidential and is for anyone who is feeling low and needs someone to talk too. I hope it helps to maybe ease and release some of that pain that you feel by sharing the burden or letting some of that pressure in your cooker be released. Take care of yourself. x

  • That looks. useful, thank you. I have a really good relationship with my gp, but like many GPS I can see how worried she gets when my emotions look a bit wobbly. I will def. Give it a go, many thanks.

  • It's my pleasure Tulips..x

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