I've been away a long, long time.

[Berthy]

So, quite a while ago I disappeared off the face of the Earth, not that my presence will have been massively missed, because I kinda tailed off instead of just instantly disappearing but still.

I left for uni down in Lincoln and had some of the best, and worst times of my life down there. I made no friends, was cast out by the girls in my flat and ended up having to return home for fear of murder/suicide. I also got drunk a lot and was lead to believe that I made friends for the first few weeks..that counts for something I guess.

My fibro hasn't been too bad up until the past couple of weeks or so.

I've transferred back up North for another course at the college I was at prior to the leaving for university. And I'm having to do a lot more walking and getting up a LOT earlier than I had become accustomed to in Lincoln and last week was murder, but I'm not letting that stuff get in my way, at all. I'm getting my degree and being damned well proud of it.

I just thought I'd fill anyone interested in on what's happening etc and let you know I should probably be on a little more often.

[fenbadger]

It's good to hear from you and I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time. I work at a Uni and while they can be what they're marketed for, they can also be the pits for some. You soon get to be able to predict those who wont make the end of the first term. Loneliness seems one of the worst and it's amazing how lonely you can be amongst thousands! I'm new here and I see you've been away six months. I'm in an area where I see much conflict between flatmates both in halls and shared housing. It's not all bad but it doesn't work for everyone, so don't knock yourself for that. It's NOT YOUR FAULT that others are ****holes. Your second last sentence is the important one. What are you taking? Course I mean. You soon find true friends when in need. I have very few, some are on this site, and those I have I value greatly. I hope you have similar joy

It would be nice to hear from you but only if you really want to. A rant shared can be a rant halved - or words to that effect.

[Berthy in reply to fenbadger]

Thank you for your reply, it's really nice to know that people do take time out of their days to read some of my ramblings, I'd love to talk, and will always reply!

I'm now taking Fine Art instead of just Illustration

Any other questions, let me know x

[fenbadger in reply to Berthy]

Cool. I work at Winchester school of art. That's the nearest I can get!

[TheAuthor]

Hi Berthy

I am so sorry to read of the problems that you have been having and I sincerely hope that you can get the resolution that you clearly need and deserve. You do sound exceedingly brave to take on everything the way that you have and still have the determination to carry on trying; you really deserve a lot of admiration for this. So good luck with the course and please let us all know how you get on?

All my hopes and dreams for you

Ken x

[Berthy in reply to TheAuthor]

Thank you so much...it's wow. Thank you. You have no idea what that all means to me, honestly. Thank you darling.

Beth x

[Ginsing]

Wow Berthy,

You have been away a long time and now you have returned I hope that is going to help you.

My daughter graduated from Lincoln about 8 years ago . You seem to have had terrible time living there and making no friends, what was that all about you must have had it really tough. I know it can be a lonely place. Never ind you are back and working to finish your Degree good luck with that.

There is always someone about who will chat or help if they can so pop on more regularly.

xgins

[Berthy in reply to Ginsing]

I'd forgotten how much ranting on here and to people that know exactly what you're going through helps...it's something that slips relatively easily from my mind and it shouldn't. It really shouldn't.

Hopefully I'm going to be back on here a lot more, thank you for replying, it means a lot, as mentioned above that people bother to read my rubbish.

Beth x

[nedd]

Just to say good luck on the new phase of your life.

What degree are you taking?

[Berthy in reply to nedd]

Thank you very much

I'm doing a Fine Art BA(Hons) (:

[flossy1]

Good luck Beth. Keep believing in yourself and when you are low there are plenty of lovely fibromites with loads of life experiences to help you on your way. X Flo

[Berthy in reply to flossy1]

Thank you darling, I've been having to heavily rely on Arelie (my butterfly I hat tattooed on my inner wrist for The Butterfly Project) recently, and I feel almost guilty, but she's pulled me through, because she is the core and the entire centre of my strength, or so I believe.

Beth x

[fibro]

I wish you luck too, out of interest what are you studying?

I was rather sadened though to read your comments about Lincoln. I was really surprised to hear what is is like as i understood from a friend that it is very friendly place.

I hope you are happier back home and get more support. Xx

[Berthy in reply to fibro]

Thank you, from every single one of you it makes me a little happier, stronger. I'm doing a Fine Art BA Honours.

Some aspects of it are absolutely lovely and they really are, I think it's the huge difference between the very North and the Southern part of the country...it was horrible.

I am much happier...you wouldn't believe the change in me.

I've done more drawing and writing in the past week or so than I did in 3 month down in Lincoln, so really...it proves that the environment you're in can change..EVERYTHING. Even now there's a lot going on at home that would normally make me exceptionally depressed, borderline suicidal and it's upsetting me but the overriding happiness is winning I think.

Thank you for the reply

Beth xx

[fibro in reply to Berthy]

That sounds a lovely course, and I'm so pleased for you that you are back home now. My friend who lives near lincoln is of a completely different age group too, so that would make a different perception of the place I guess. She doesnt live in the City like you must have been, iI think its Hykam, that maybe not be how its spelt.

I don't know anything about the University, only that Lincoln has a huge Cathederal!

I do hope that the University have been well imformed of what its been like for you, there could be so many others suffering in the same way.

Ii really do feel for you, that somewhere where you should feel safe has been a terrible experience, but I am just so happy that now the course has been made available to you locally.

It sounds really interesting course, Fine Art.

I hope the next few years go well and that the awful start can be put behind you. Xx

[honor1a]

Beth,

So sorry you had such a bad experience in Lincoln, glad to see you're not letting it stop you achieving your art degree! My sister has ( in-laws) who are in Lincoln & I also have a friend there that I met on holiday in 2001, like someone previously mentioned ee are in different age groups. I do feel though that it may not have been the Lincoln people but fellow students who travelled there for the same course as you, you will find in life Beth that it's the people who are nasty, horrible & unfriendly people who through their own inadequacies isolate the nicer people for example YOU!.

you mentioned in your post people say your just fat, as you may look otherwise healthy, I've never had that fortunately, but do carry too much weight, struggle to lose weight because of lethargy etc, but in the last two years I joined a private gym coukd not swim so just walked the length of the pool first time about eight lengths, next tim doubled it & so on I did an aqua class ,which I now do three a week, but do only what I can at energy level I can it took a little time but I have improved, if I do say so myself I'm better than the rest of the class now, I'm fiftyy five, others in Aqua are sixty six to eighty age group hee hee but the point I'm trying to make is, dont let others get you down, I know it's hard to exercise especially when you're studying, but if you can find some time to get to a swimming pool go because the water supports you & all your aches & pains & a little exercise might go some way to help you shift a little weight, for me it's been a slow process, but I've lost two stones, the reason I initially started going to the pool, was for interation with other people that are about when I am, as my friends & family all work & do have lives of their own to live, I'm fortunate that I drive & have my wee jalopy (car) 14 years old, but it gets me out & about. I hope this long, very long comment may help you see there are nice decent people out there, if you make small changes to your usual routine, you will find positive, friendly people, it all starts with a "smiley hello"

Take Care, gentle hugs being sent to you xx

P.S. where (city) do you live? I'm in Glasgow. xx