Fed up

I am fed up with pain, fed up feeling so tired all the time, fed up with relying on other people for help. just really fed up with life at the moment. Things seem to be going from bad to worse. I am fed with being on my own, i have been thinking about finding someone, i have joined the take a break dating site, but its a nightmare. I have been a widow for 7yrs, i was married to my husband nearly 21yrs and before that to my ex 13 years. so that is 34 years of my life i have been with someone. I am scared to find someone else, i feel like i would be unfaithful to my late husband, added to that i would not know where to start with a new relationship and how some one would take me with my health problems. I really do not know what to do.

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  • Hi lindamorgan

    I am so sorry to read of your current plight. I was wondering if your late husband would want you to be lonely? You clearly love him and I can only surmise that he must have really loved you. If this is so, I find it hard to imagine that he would want you to be so unhappy with your life? I can truly understand your reluctance however, when we have been with somebody for so long and loved them in this way they become the most important person in the whole wide world to us, and then the feelings of guilt and betrayal come into our minds. However, having said all of this, I sincerely believe that if he loved you the same then he would truly want you to be happy.

    Please enjoy your life and find the companionship that you so richly want and deserve.

    Ken x

  • Linda, firstly - you're not alone :)

    We're all here for you and totally understand your predicament.

    You we're blessed to have had long loving relationships and naturally you would like to experience that feeling of closeness & caring again.

    I can only speak from my perspective but I met my husband at youth club at 16 and we married at 20, 37 years ago ( really??? Where did that go??)

    We love each other and there's never been anyone else- HOWEVER!!! If anything happened to me, I would desperately want him to find someone else ( I've made my 3 grown up children & 2 granddaughters promise to make him find someone !!). I know he would be lonely and I would so hate that because he's such a lovely man and not only would he benefit but he would make another woman as happy as he's made me.

    Please don't feel that you are betraying your husband, it's a testimony to your life together that you'd like to try again!

    As regards to your health issues, although I'm sure you suffer every day, they don't define you as a person, you are a very lovely, caring woman who deserves to be loved and be able to give love.

    There are lots of lonely men out there who might not be pain free every day themselves either don't forget!

    Good luck with your search, don't rush it and stay safe!

    Love

    Sign Lady x

  • sounds to me like a good male friend would be a good start and make sure he gives you little panics in the tummy area lol

  • Hello Lindamorgan,

    I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you're still grieving for your husband and not sure if you're ready to move on or fall in love again. My advice is 'If in doubt, Don't'.

    However, you did come across as feeling a little lonely. If you miss having another person around to do things with would you could consider a female companion instead, perhaps someone a little more mobile than you to support you.

    My neighbour lost her husband five years ago and two years ago, had her friend move in with her to share costs and stave off the loneliness. I see them around the area going to bingo and tea dances or to the movies having a laugh or a bicker and generally living life to the full - Apparently, they've now decided to get a dog as well to take on their walks.

    Unless you're actually missing the physical side of things, having a female companion may be another option to consider.

    Hope this is helpful.

    Stay positive.

  • Aww, bless you linda. I'm in pretty much the same situation as you hun. My husband died nearly 8 years ago and we were together for 31 years. I have so much chronic pain that most days I really can't do much. But I have never wanted to find someone else. It's not that I feel guilty or anything, cos Barry wouldn't want me to be alone, but I am reasonably happy being on my own. My time is my own, I can do whatever I like, when I like....not that I do much at all! But that's me. If you feel like you need some company then by all means go for it. I'm sure your late hubby wouldn't want you to be so unhappy and alone. You obviously loved each other very much and losing your soulmate is distressing and soul destroying. It took me 3 years before I wanted to do anything! Maybe you're just not ready yet...Have you considered counselling? It can work for some people. I hope you find happiness and contentment. XXXX

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