Hello my fibro family. I have just been reading all your comments and its humbled me that you all care so much.
Late last night my OH received an email just hours before he was due to fly back to Canada for his job that he was laid off for now.....just like that!
I think I had some sort of episode and totally lost the plot. This is the third time he has been laid off in previous jobs and I'm terrified that we will lose our beautiful home.
I left the house at midnight with a bottle if vodka in the rain and dressed only in my jammies. I then drank 3 quarters of it and that's on top of my tramadol and all my other mess! Stupid I know but I didn't do it to kill myself, I did it cos I couldn't cope with this news and how out of the blue as it was.
I am not much better today and as the news is spreading round my friends, they are all ringing or messaging me but I am refusing to talk to anyone as my face is all swollen from the extreme crying and i just can't face anybody yet.
My OH is going round all the companies that are relevant tomorrow job hunting. He seems to be coping ok whereas I've fallen to pieces.
I haven't eaten since yesterday lunchtime and I am not hungry at all however if I'm being honest with you, I'm sat here drinking cans of cider, hoping they along with my mess will knock me unconscious so my brain can't think anymore.
But enough if my self pity....I just wanted to thank you all for your kindness and concern and thank you for the private messages I have received.....it made me cry to think of all you lovely caring people who took time out of their own lives to help me....I feel very humble.
I love you all.....Charlii xx
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charlii
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Phewww! I am soooo pleased to hear you are OK. We were worried about you.
Try not to drink too much alcohol as it is a depressant and you don't need that right now. I am not trying to nag you so don't think I am, OK. Just take things 10 minutes at a time, don't worry about the next hour, day, week, month. Just 10 minutes at a go.
You hang in there my friend,things will get better for you and your family,you've just got to take it one step at a time and it won't seem so bad! Life is a bitch at times but we've just got to go along for the ride,bumpy or smooth! Take care! Jx
Hi Charli, so pleased to hear from you. I understand now why you feel so bad and you just want to numb the pain. But alcohol is not the answer as I'm sure you know. You obviously have a loving OH. Things will get better. Take each day one at a time. Try to find something to occupy your time. Perhaps go out in the garden. The outside/ nature is a great healer.
Don't cut yourself off from all your friends. They all care and want to help, they don't care about swollen faces, they CARE ABOUT YOU, let them help. Please let someone in to share your pain.
We are all here for you, let us know how you are going,
So pleased to read you haven't signed off from the site Charli. We were all so worried. It's awful when these things come like a bolt from the blue and it's no wonder you're having trouble coping, I think it's often the feelings of frustration and helplessness that are hardest to bear. Although your OH is the victim of this sudden redundancy he can swing into action and do just as he is doing to canvas for work while you have to watch on and act as support. Us fibromites have to carry so much on a daily basis that it can often be one burden too many for a little while until we adjust to bear that extra weight. Do whatever it takes to get through the minutes and they'll turn into hours and days before you know it but please do try to tail back on the alcohol if you can. Yes it'll numb in the short term but it's a depressant and will actually keep you feeling cr*p for longer. It's normal for our minds to fly to the worst case scenario but it rarely gets that bad. I truly hope things get sorted quickly. What matters in all of this is you and your loved ones, the rest is only stuff. It would help if you could speak to someone, even if it's just you blubbing all over them at first. Do you have a friend or family member you could let go with? Please don't feel embarrassed about puffy face etc, you'd be odd if you weren't upset. I'm sure if a friend of yours was going through such a trauma you'd be straight there with tea and sympathy so please let them in to help you. Wish I was there to give you a hug x
Phew......so glad you are still with us.........please ease off the booze and ease into the arms of all those friends who are waiting and who really dont care what you look like!!!
I read your post yesterday and was very concerned about you too, I am so glad you are alright, Take time and rest, Have some lovely good comfort food and try not to drink and more alcohol, Have some me time.!!
When you feel stronger go and talk to your doctor, They will help and support you during this dark period.
You have a lovely family and your husband is working hard to support you all, You have a lot of friends nearby and also on this cyber space site that care and love you.
I am so glad you are ok, I was really worried. Take it from someone who has been through this, as long as you have the support of your family you can manage. If you need any help in contacting your creditors or mortgage company to get payments reduced, let me know I will be more than happy to help. I went from earning £60k pa to £12k and got all my 28 creditors to accept reduced payment from £200 per month to £3 and freeze interest and charges. Your mortgage company if you have one will also be accommodating. Go in with a plan. The most important thing is to have an income and expenditure and keep them informed. But above all it is you as a person and your family that is most important. Lots of Luv.
Hi Charlii. So glad to hear you back on here. Along with lots of others, I was so worried for you. Stay strong, things will work out. Your OH sounds as if he's hard at work to get something sorted out, hopefully it will be closer. Make the most of having him at home.
Always remember people care, speak to them, don't shut yourself off.
Hi Charlii, another pleased to hear you are still with us......... You had us all extremely worried for your safety.
Please listen to what the others have said and try not to resort to more drink, it can and will only make things worse, the friends you have in real time will not care what you look like at all, they will just be relieved you are still with them to let them help you. Take it a step at the time and it will pass, I know all too well when you are in such a dark place it is hard to believe, but it will pass, perhaps with some hard work, but that will be worth it, Drink will NOT NOT NOT solve anything,but WILL make it worse.
I read your post yesterday and am so glad you are okay. Please though, don't drink, it's never the answer to anything. Be with your friends, the ones who really care about you won't worry about how you look, they'll just help and support you in any way they can. I know how it feels when your oh loses his job - been there, done that. I have been down a very long tunnel in recent years and at last can see a little bit of light. Things do come right in the end, although it will be difficult for you to see that at the moment. Maybe with your oh around for a while, that will help you to get back on track. All your forum friends are here for you, although we don't know you personally. I think this forum is the best of all of them and you'll never be alone on here. Gentle hugs to you xx
Thanks Charlii for letting us all know you are OK. You will get thru this. At the end of the day you have your OH and he is still with you. So much as it may not seem like it, it could be worse. My worse thought is anything happening to my OH. Unfortunately, with Fibro we do not generally deal with HUGE stresses very well (mind you who does really). Take things easy. We are all rooting for you. Lots of love xxx
I really hope that you're OH finds work quickly. Please let us know how things go with that. I hope you manage to find some peace and have time to be kind to yourself.
Wishing you both love light and gentle hugs. ((()))
so please you didn't do anything to yourself Redundancy is very frightening but it usually the start of a new chapter of your lives. When you've calmed down and think oh well its only a job, Try and embrace the changes But a huge good luck hug
I too thank God you have been spared and are still with us! I don't know where or who you are but I do care and empathise which is why I LIKE THIS FIBRO FRIENDS SITE - SOMEWHERE THROUGH THE PAIN AND DESOLATION there is a bright shining light FOR YOU. Just when you feel you can bear no more the load is lightened. Like I said yesterday it's my faith that has brought me through some tough times and I pray you will find strength and peace in your heart and likesomeone else has said take a few MINUTES at a time not even an hour, just enjoy this warm sun for a bit and see the light shining for YOU ARE SPECIAL to your Maker and He will see you through!
A few years ago, at a time of great despair, when the pain and bad news overwhelmed me, .I tried the alcohol and painkiller diet.
I died, got defibbed by the paramedics and woke up in intensive care. When i got home, the problems and pain were still there waiting.
But somehow, although the pain and the meds creep up, nothing, absolutely nothing, now stops me thanking God every day for this gift of life, which is so fragile and so short-lived.
Recognising how much I am loved and needed by my family, especially my lovely dog, has taken me to a far better place. Every smile, every experience, every problem, every triumph and every disaster, means that I am alive and I am an asset to those around me. The world actually needs me Charlii, just as it needs you.
Hi Charlii you know what it all shows that you are normal, as sometimes people think you are strange for having feelings, I think the opposite. The important thing is that you understand and know the reason it all happened. I have found that with the fibro, you often have moments when you just wanna freak out and scream, an it sure does make you feel better. You have a lot of love to give to your family and your fibro family with us. We will continue to share our love for each other too!! I am at that place at too an out of control at
mo with mum in hospital now for a month, being dismissed on health grounds at work, stressful situation with hubby at home, thoughtless sisters who do not want to listen to my feelings. But in all I count myself very blessed to have a wonderful circle of people around me, especially my mum, dad and 2 very close friends who I have known 30 and 40 odd years, who I can talk to about anything. That thought alone, and how lucky I am to have all the positive things in life. If you just do one positive thing in a day, it makes you feel proud an lifts you up, an yes you feel humbled. God bless you and take good care. xx
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Thank you my lovely fibro friends
