All my life I have tried to do certain things at the same time as all my peers and my parents exp my mum had always heard me back and held me down. So when I finally moved away I thought I was finally there I thought everything that I wanted to do to catch up will get me there and that I will at last be just like my peers but how wrong was I.
My partner and I decided to try for a baby last year because of course we wanted the little one to be born this year to give everyone something to look forward to, we started buying baby things we saw on sale and had most of the room prepared everything was done.
We were ready so we consulted a specialist at the London women's clinic, ( we are a same sex couple) we were advised to do a normal iui as I had no known issues.
We agreed to that i then had all the blood works and they were all good so that was fantastic news. we had our first treatment and it failed so I was told to do an amh test so we went ahead with my second treatment because the results were delayed the second treatment was another failure.
# Sigh#
This is now starting to get to me amh results came back.
oh you have a low ovarian reserve with safe responders .....Doctors tell me that there's nothing to worry about because its all ok.
So I get a hycosy done to see if my tubes are the problem and lord behold I get told that I have a blocked right tube.
The Doctor then tells me ivf is the next step for me as my tube is completely blocked ( occlusion) these were her exact words.
Jesus my life is over that's it I'm going to have to get ivf,but I had one last iui left and went ahead with that, but we had to have scans to see if I was ovulating on the correct side. And we find out that on the second scan i was, so we went ahead and did the treatment and ........ Nope not pregnant again.
By now I'm fighting with my partner she cannot say the right thing , nothing she does is right she's just annoying me, omg there has got to be something wrong with me I am not a complete woman why me
Why can't I get pregnant? Maybe I'm not ment to be a mother I'm I just ment to be the friend who looks after other people's kids? That's not fair it's not fair I have a godson I love him to death but he's not mine.
I want our own baby our own family, my best friend tells me she's pregnant.... Oh and by the way it wasn't planned.
My friend is announcing on Facebook ,.. I'm due in may yeah how exciting WHAT?? How is this even possible why is this happening to me. I need a second opinion.
Gp sends me to nhs gyno ...sorry you can't have ivf on the nhs because your a same sex couple!!!
Right about now I cannot cry anymore I'm weak I don't want to go out I don't want to eat its my worst nightmare, I call the gyno's office crying I am now going to commit suicide I cannot handle it again its too painful. Gyno sends me to have an hsg to check my tubes again and wait for it radiologist tells me.
YOUR TUBE is not actually blocked! It's opened it's always been open it just needed a bit of pressure!
Excuse me?? Can you repeat that again? Laughs your tube isn't blocked it has never been blocked because the dye made its way out throug the tube I just applied a bit more air pressure and its flowing like the left tube.
But wait when I was at the London women's clinic she said I was completely blocked and there was nothing coming out, she said that she could not even see the start of my tube or the end of the tube nothing is coming out,.... I'm confused how is this possible my blocked tube is not blocked.
But the doctor said to me that its all blocked and that its not worth trying to even open it as ivf was my only hope.
Radiologist yvey you saw it for yourself it's open, Jesus Christ how can the London women's clinic do this to me??
Why do I feel like this?😓
Feeling like I can't cope with infertility anymore
Feel like I’m losing my mind today! 😢
Don't feel like I can do this anymore 
