getting pregnant 43-44

[TeddyBear5]

Hi ladies, just after some advice & stories.

I’m unsure what to do next, but I am desperate to have another baby to complete our family.  After doing what should have been our final round, I am not ok with that.

I’m 43. Had my son at 36 via IVF in 2016 with donor sperm due to my husband having Sertoli cell only syndrome (no sperm). It took me a long time to come to terms with that (found out when I was 31). 

I transferred my only other embryo from that cycle in 2021 (later than I wanted but covid 🤷‍♀️). I got pregnant but had to TMFR at 17 weeks for trisomy 13.

I did a stim cycle in Nov 2022 which was BFN (chemical) and then a FET from that in April - just found out it’s BFN. I don’t know where to go from here.

Try own eggs again? is there any point? Use donor eggs? Donor embryo? I’m reluctant to use double donor but it might be my only chance. we live in Perth but sperm is in Sydney  and I can’t deal with another interstate cycle so am going to go on a waitlist for sperm in Perth I think.   We can’t transfer sperm as our donor died and can’t give consent 🤯I feel all over the place - any thoughts????  Ideas???

[Rainbowretrieval]

Feel very sad for your tough decision and the circumstances… such a difficult situation. Have you asked yourself why you are adamant you want a second? I know that’s a personal question but given all the barriers that are in the way it’s important you have decided that there’s a compelling reason to pursue it x

[TeddyBear5 in reply to Rainbowretrieval]

yeah so many reasons, sibling for my son, another baby to raise and love, the feeling of being a mum again … nothing logical but it’s like a physical need and I can’t shake it.

[Kitkat10 in reply to TeddyBear5]

I’m 100% with you there, I’m in the same boat and really want a sibling for my 18 month old son who was donor sperm conceived. I’m 42 and in the middle of a final OE cycle and when I mentioned donor egg to my consultant she questioned my decision for a double donor but I feel like it’s my best option now. I also feel like I’m not ready to give up. I feel very similar to you. I am finding it so tough to give up on my OE but I have more and more days where I think a double donor is the best way forward for me. I wish you all the luck, sorry for the waffle, just wanted to say I’m with you on this one 🍀

[TeddyBear5 in reply to Kitkat10]

it’s nice not to be alone but I’m sorry you are struggling with this too. It’s very hard! X

[TeddyBear5 in reply to TeddyBear5]

How are you going? We are progressing with donor embryos x

[Kitkat10 in reply to TeddyBear5]

Ah that’s great news. I had a BFP from my final OE FET which was an anembryonic pregnancy at the 7 week scan so really this helped me move forward and I have booked a consultation for DE. I have some donor sperm left and I am keen to give this me best shot and for me now, that’s DE 🤞🤞. I chatted to a lady who has a DE 4 year old now and this conversation also confirmed to me it’s right for me now. Good luck with everything moving forward, excited to hear your news 🍀🍀

[TeddyBear5 in reply to Kitkat10]

Rahh I keep thinking maybe I should try one more time with my OE but I’m 43 - any point????? It’s so rubbish!

[Kitkat10 in reply to TeddyBear5]

Yep I feel the same! So up and down, I change my mind every day. I really don’t know what to do. How are you doing? X

[TeddyBear5 in reply to Kitkat10]

I’m good actually. I found an embryo donor completely out of the blue willing to donate 9 embryos to us and we are kicking off the process this week with a specialist appt (at their clinic) and counselling. I am still in shock!

[Kitkat10 in reply to TeddyBear5]

Fantastic! I’m so happy for you 💕

[Positive20]

Hi TeddyBear5. This is such a difficult position and only you know the right thing to do. You have been through such a difficult journey and my heart goes out to you.

I think consider whether financially further IVF is an option, if it is I think things depend on your egg quality as to what path you would need to take (OE, DE….double donor).

Another option is adoption which you could explore if that’s the right thing for you or accepting life with one child and this is enough to fill your heart.

I hope you do get some clarity on the situation so you are happy with whatever path you choose to take xx

[TeddyBear5 in reply to Positive20]

thanks for your reply 🙏

I think we can afford maybe 2 rounds. I will get some advice from 2 clinics here in WA and go from there. I’m assuming my egg quality is not great given my age and the lack of success from the last round. I would consider adopting but it’s so difficult here.

[rainbowbaby8320]

hi Teddybear

The best advice I can give is to not assume it’s the eggs…

I did this with three good blastocysts and one or two of them were probably ok the whole time and I wasted time…transferring them one by one… it turned out my body was blocking the pregnancies… due to auto immune disease (they think)…

have you done PGTA testing on the embryos? If you do afresh cycle yourself you could see if any of them pass? And it might give you an idea of how many eggs you have each cycle, how many get to day 5 etc… I know that’s expensive…

I would recommend pgta on donor egg embryos too? So you are not wasting time… not sure if that’s possible?

Wasting time is the biggest mistakes I’ve made and I’m annoyed with myself- and the consultants don’t seem to give ‘smart’ advice sometimes - maybe it’s cos they are making money as we are wasting time? Or they just don’t think ahead or plan a strategy for each woman I find?

I’m 41 and have had four embryos transferred…last one was pgta tested so given that didn’t result in pregnancy they think it might be auto immune disease and they will give me meds - I just wish they considered that before.

[TeddyBear5 in reply to rainbowbaby8320]

In my last stim round I got 2 embryos and I didn’t know I had the second one until day 6 so I decided against PGT - if I got more embryos I would test them. My concern is ruling out / damaging a possibly good one with such small numbers; I didn’t want to risk it.

I do think it’s egg quality due to age but I will get checked out to rule out anything else. My last two transfers have had good lining and good quality embryos (4AB & 4AA) - it’s so annoying that this doesn’t tell the whole story or show chromosome issues!!

My AMH is 9.8 so not too bad for my age.

I’m sorry it’s not been working for you. We sure have to be our own advocates and push for what we need unfortunately- I wish you all the luck xxxx

[rainbowbaby8320 in reply to TeddyBear5]

I think with that AMH level and your grade of embryos you should seriously consider if there is anything else wrong! The pgta testing gave me that answer - at the moment you are in the phase I was in before - presuming it’s egg quality…? I wish I didn’t! It might be for you… but it might not be… and there is some risk from pgta but I have found that I destroyed some good embryos by transferring them into my body when there was something else wrong!

I hope you have your success - let us know how you get on xx

[rainbowbaby8320]

basically they say in a lot of cases lack of pregnancy is either egg quality, womb environment or immunological issue… I found out it wasn’t my eggs after I wasted loads of good ones! And now I won’t have many good ones left…Why didn’t they just give auto immune meds as a precaution after the second failed one?!

Also do you know your AMH levels? This may give you an indication of egg stores without doing a whole cycle xx

[KimberKUSA in reply to rainbowbaby8320]

Hi ladies- thanks for sharing on here- my heart is with you - I just had my 10th FET with two previous egg retrievals - we do have a 7yo daughter from one fresh cycle for whom I am immensely thankful- we want one more- I am 42 and am in the same boat with autoimmune issues- great lining and genetically tested embryos… we transferred the fifth frozen embryo 4/28/23 with one left - my beta is tomorrow but no line on hcg strips and cramping has started - I am not hopeful for this one- everything seemed perfect this time- 5BB and lining was 8.6- I have Raynauds, RLS and a unicornuate uterus - do you know which autoimmune meds they have suggested?

[rainbowbaby8320 in reply to KimberKUSA]

Hello! Sorry you are in the same boat! it's awful! They are going to give me predisolone (spelling? sorry going from my scribble notes!); also intralipids, and also clexane and aspirin...why don't you ask them to give you those as well? They told me there are hundreds of auto immune disorders and they may or may not show on a test result - so it's best to give meds anyway as a precaution now.

Just as an FYI, since my consultation I have been researching all sorts. I am convinced that my breast implants are causing all of this and I feel like I want those things out of my body ASAP. I had a message from one lady on Breast implant illness facebook group, and she said she tried to have a baby for years and it wasn't working. She took her implants out and she was pregnant two weeks later even with the trauma of the surgery and all the drugs they gave her for that !!!! They are now known to cause hormonal imbalances and auto immune disease... basically my body might be trying to 'kill' the implants and it's destroying my embryos at the same time...

Not sure if that's relevant to you! I know there was another lady on my post who said she had implants and she didn't think the implants were the cause of the auto immune disorder...she ended up having a baby with the intralipids etc anyway. I think they might be the cause in my case... I'm going to see if my consultant for IVF is ok with me explanting them before the next transfer in a few months!

[Christianbaby]

I think you can try donor eggs. Are you open to it? I had donor egg treatment when I was 39 and we got our baby girl from it. There are certainly many options for you yet. Good luck on whatever you decide.

[LuxFleur]

Hi there, I'm so sorry for all the tough things you've already been through while trying to grow your family. I guess you posted this a month ago but it was at the top of my feed. I'm 44 and currently 6w2d pregnant with OE, from an embryo created in the last week before I turned 43. Everyone is different and you never know. It seems that 43 is really the last chance saloon for most people in terms of using OE, so if you think you want to give it another try, go for it. But if you do that, you might want to try with a doctor or clinic that specializes in older mothers. We did a luteal phase stimulation for my last cycle which was a first for me, but it is supposed to help with the eggs in older mothers. We got 7 eggs and only one fertilized, but I just saw the heartbeat today, so you never know. I'm aware I still have a really long way to go before I'm in the clear, but it's still something to get to this phase with OE from when I was 42/43. I still may end up going the DE route myself, so I think if that feels right for you, you should go for that, too.

[TeddyBear5 in reply to LuxFleur]

Hey lovely, I’m so happy for you! Congratulations!

I’m still torn on what to do, I have an appt with my fertility specialist next week to have another chat. I’ll mention to her about the luteal phase stimulation. I’m 44 in Jan.

Did you get your embryo PGT tested?

I’ve had counselling and am all ready to start going into egg or embryo donation but something is holding me back.

I’m exercising, eating healthily and inhaling all the supplements.

I think I’d like to try one more go with my eggs. Then donor eggs. But it’s expensive - donor embryos are the better option.

My husband isn’t that keen on using my eggs or spending money on donor eggs. He thinks donor embryos are best. I want to find out a bit more about success rates.

It’s a bit of a rollercoaster!