Mixed emotions

[Papillonblue]

Not really looking for advice but I’ve found it helpful to post on here before as we are all on a similar journey. After near2 years we were all set to go with our donor (my sister) in October following our wedding in the summer, and my sister getting clear of her contraception, when my sister called, drum roll she’s pregnant - unplanned and unsure what she wanted to do. She never wanted kids. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster coaster, and I’ve had to be very clear no matter her decision she couldn’t be our donor (she would be over the 35 cut off whichever way she went) I’ve struggled to support her, she’s been back and forth about keeping the baby and some of her reasoning has been very difficult for me to hear, but she is now proceeding with the pregnancy. I’m delighted to be getting a niece, but struggling with the emotional fall out.

We are proceeding with a clinic in Spain as I can’t wait another 2 years for a uk donor. I thought I was ok with that as it was always plan b, but I’m worried about the wider family. My mum has already told me she need to support my sister as she’s going to be a single mum, and I keep envisioning a situation where my sister kid is the favourite because she’s closer and biologically related. I don’t have a support network and my husband whilst wonderful in lots of ways won’t be hands on with a baby. My in laws are miles away and pretty useless. I’m expecting my sister to be dishing out advice constantly and I know our experiences are going to be different (she’s had a breezy pregnancy so far is super fit and 8 years younger) And this is all assuming that Spain works which as we all know isn’t a given.

It just feels too much, part of me wants to say I’m done runaway to a Scottish island and spend the ivf money on a pony!

[Hopewhite]

hi lovely I just wanted to send you a big hug , sorry to read what has happened, i can only imagine all the stress , I know how awful these setbacks are and not being able to control things! Just hang in there, you’ll hopefully get there with your new plan soon, it will just take a bit longer than originally planned. Try not to worry too much about future things , you’ll find a way to navigate parenthood and I’m sure you’ll get support from your mom, and everyone! once your miracle baby arrives no one will remember where it came from xx try to take one step at a time , there’s just too much outside our control on this process, it feels too much because it is a big deal to go through , hopefully the stars will align for you and you’ll get your baby soon xx wishing you all the best of luck !

[Kitkat10]

hi, I’m sorry that’s happened in that order, it’s tough on you, however, your own pathway can still go ahead. Try not to worry about what will or won’t happen when your baby arrives, you will honestly be fine. No one will worry about genetics when the babies are here. My daughter is DE and my sister has a son of a similar age and my parents totally adore my daughter and honestly, genetics are far from anyone’s mind. I do understand the worry about it though, I worried a lot about bonding etc but there is no need to worry.

It does feel like a lot, it feels overwhelming, I’ve been there and hated all the hoops to jump through, seems never ending but once your baby is here, all of that will be forgotten.

Try and take one day at a time, one hurdle at a time and you’ll get there. Good luck, keep your spirits up, you can do this xx

[Christianbaby]

Supporting your sister while managing your own journey is a lot for anyone to handle, so be kind to yourself.

Moving forward with Spain might not have been your first choice, but it’s still a path toward the family you’ve been dreaming of. It might feel like a lonely road sometimes, but your child will be yours in every way that matters. Sending strength and hope. xxx

P.S. I get the allure of a Scottish island and a pony—honestly, that sounds like the dream some days! 😜